He looks up, face oddly resigned, eyes hard and narrow. No trace remains of the pale, scared kid from a few moments ago.
“Why would I? I hardly ever think about it myself. Why would I rehash that shit with you?”
“Did she know?”
He snorts out a joyless laugh. “What do you think? She orchestrated it. One of her boyfriends snapped those pictures. She was pissed off that some of her tricks were more interested in me than in her, but whatever. I assume they paid her money for it; I don’t know for sure. Back then, she used to lock me up in my room a lot. It happened in here too though,” he adds, eyes dark and mouth a hard line.
It happened . . .
A wave of nausea rises up my throat. “Where is he now? That man?” I want to strangle everyone who’s ever laid a hand on him. Theresa’s fucking lucky she’s six feet under.
“Long gone. Besides, he wasn’t the only one.”
“Tell me about them,” I growl. “All of them.”
“What’s the point, Daniel? That shit doesn’t matter anymore. None of it does.”
“Don’t you get it? These people need to pay for what they did to you.” How can I ever find rest until they have?
Nathan just glares at me, eyes so dark they’re almost black.
I have to ask. Even though the answer might shred me up inside, I have to.
“Is this why you act the way you do? With sex? Is that what this is about?” I point between us. “You and me.”
“No,” he says, shaking his head. “Maybe it was like that with others, but . . . not with you.”
“You can’t pretend it doesn’t affect you. Fuck, of course it still affects you. It’s what living here is about, isn’t it? You’re stuck there, with them. You’re stuck remembering it.” I rake a hand through my hair. I feel like screaming, but the shock is still layered like cloying dust in my lungs. “I won’t be like them, Nathan. I refuse to be one of your abusers.”
His gaze cuts up to me, eyes blazing. “Oh yeah? What if you already are?”
My stomach does a flip. What the hell?
“The grad party,” he clarifies. “You fought off Eric and Tyler, yeah, but then you made sure I got fucked regardless. Maybe I didn’t need that from you. Maybe I wanted one fucking aspect of my life to remain pure and untainted! But no, couldn’t help yourself, could you?”
“You kissed me,” I whisper. “You wanted it. You told me you wanted it.” I remember his arms stretching out for me, his heady voice in my ear. His lips against my neck.Go ahead, do it. I want you to.
“I was fucked up on vodka and whatever drug they slipped me. I barely remember shit from that night, but I sure remember you not hesitating one second to fuck me.”
“Then why . . . why did you . . .”
“Come see you? I dunno,” he says with a shrug. “I needed someone to fuck while I was here, and since you’d already shown an interest, I figured why not? Might as well be you.”
“So it could have been just anyone? Anyone can fuck you and hurt you the way you want?”
I’m not special to him. I’m not special to anyone.
George has April. Mom has Jessie. I thought I had Nathan, but apparently, that ideal is further from the truth than I thought.
Nathan mumbles something that sounds like, “No, not anyone,” but I’m too far gone to acknowledge his words. Something dark has dredged up from the depths of me, and there are no longer any lies he can spin for me—no manipulations he can use to reel me back in.
I can’t even start to process what he told me about the grad party. It’s all a jumbled, twisted mess in my head—a truth way uglier than I’m willing to accept—and I have to get away. I have to get away from him, for my sake as well as his.
“You know what?” I grit out. “I tried to give this a chance. But it’s clearly not fucking working.”
“You think I love this shithole town so much? You think I won’t leave?”
“Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe it’s for the best that you do leave.”