Page 83 of See You at the Finish Line

“Are you ready to go?” I ask, leaning down to whisper so I don’t startle her. She seems at peace, and I don’t want to break the moment, but I also know she wants to get going. She sighs as my breath caresses her neck, and in any other circumstance I’d kiss the soft spot that’s making my mouth water.

Not the right time, I tell my brain and cock.

She nods but makes no move to leave. When I go to unwrap my arms, she turns her body so she’s facing me.

“Wait,” she says into my chest. “Just one more minute.” I retighten my arms, hugging her into me. She’ll never have to ask twice.

Her arms are still wrapped around herself and I hold her to me. My heart pounds in my chest and I hope it’s not distracting for her. I try to calm it down, but it has a mind of its own. For so long I’ve tried to stop myself from loving this woman, and I don’t want to hold it back anymore.

I rest my cheek on the top of her head and breathe her in. She’s still sweaty from the race and I smile. She feels the same as she did when I held her in the desert two years ago. When she sighs again, I know it’s time to let go. I never want to.

“Your deck looks like it was built by toddlers,” she mumbles into my shirt.

I can’t help it. I burst out laughing.

“My brothers and sister will be happy to hear that.”

I feel the weight of sadness creep back over her.

“Are you ready?” I whisper.

“No, but we should go.”

Without overthinking it, I place the lightest kiss on the top of her head and loosen my arms. They feel so empty without her. I look down. She’s staring up at me, fresh tears in her eyes.

“Thank you,” she whispers so softly I almost don’t hear her. I can see it in her eyes—she’s going to kiss me, and I’m both excited and horrified. I can’t kiss her like this, but I don’t want to reject her. Fuck. She’s leaning in and I don’t think I have the strength to pull away. So I don’t. Who am I to tell her she’s not in the right headspace?

She brushes a soft kiss on my mouth and I’m too shocked it actually happened to reciprocate.

“Thank you,” she says again and then steps out of my embrace, making her way to the front door. I silently follow her.

I’ll follow her for the rest of my life.

We’ve been in thecar for four hours and have barely spoken. Adam asks if I need anything every thirty minutes or so—it’s sweet. He packed some protein shakes as well as precut veggies and fruit from his fridge. What kind of man keeps precut fruit and vegetables in his fridge? A fictional man, that’s who. It wasn’t even one of those prepackaged trays either. They were in containers, washed, with paper towels in the bottoms. The grapes were so crunchy I hoarded them and ate every last one without any guilt. They were the best grapes I’ve ever eaten.

I’ve tried to call Ian but he hasn’t picked up the phone, and it’s exactly the kind of petty thing he would do to punish me for not answering my phone right away. Asshole. Despite the fact that he signed away his parental rights and has no custody of Levi, the hospital has just informed me that they’re planning to send Levi home with him since there’s no other family in the area.

“No way in hell are you giving him to the man who gave his sperm and nothing else to that baby,” I tell the nurse.

“Levi is healthy and will do better at home.”

“Ian is not his home and he is not family. He has no legal right to Levi and if you send him with a complete stranger, I will call the police and report you for aiding and abetting a kidnapper.”

The other end of the line is silent. Adam is getting to see all sorts of different sides of my personality. I sneak a glance at him and his brows are furrowed. He meets my gaze and nods in solidarity. He’s fighting this battle with me, and I’m grateful he’s got my back.

“I understand this situation is upsetting, dear. Is there any other family in the area—”

“There is no other family. Both our parents are dead and they had no siblings, so there are no aunts, uncles, cousins, or fairy-fucking-godmothers to come to the rescue. I’m the fairy-fucking-godmother, and all I’m asking is for Levi to stay one extra night until I can get there.”

Adam’s head whips towards me. Shit, he didn’t know my mom died. I talked about her a lot during the ultra two years ago and had even said she would love him. I couldn’t wait for her to meet him. Now she never will.

“I’m going to put you on hold,” the nurse says, resigned. Gentle music filters through the speaker.

“She’s putting me on hold,” I say through my teeth.

“That’s a good sign. She’s going to ask whoever’s in charge of babies if it’s okay for him to stay,” Adam tries to reassure me.

“Or she’s letting me sweat, making me think she can help just to come back with more bullshit.”

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