Page 8 of Fragile

Pressing my knuckles to my sternum, I rub at the ache that’s always present when I think of him and try to lock the feelings down once again. It would be easier if I didn’t love him, but we’ve spent so much of our lives together, through growing up next door, to going to the same university, it feels strange when I’m not with him. Being so intertwined is both equal parts torture and bliss. When it’s just me and him during our monthly movie nights, everything feels right. Like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, and I can’t let that feeling go. I can’t lethimgo. My heart is hellbent on never being free of him.

I glance over at Indie, my throat prickling with the force of those emotions lingering within me. She stares into my eyes for a beat and, for a second, I think she can read my mind, but she doesn’t push, just shuffles a little closer and lays her head on my shoulder. A pillar of strength when I’m feeling especially weak.

“I know,” she whispers into the busy room, but I hear her. I didn’t even have to say anything, and she knew.

My eyes find Miles again, because they always find him, and watch as Madison sucks on his neck, arms wrapped around him. He doesn’t return her affection, though. His eyes are open and…empty. He almost looks bored. Weirdly, I take comfort in that, because maybe he doesn’t really want her. When she moves back to his mouth, he pulls away, and something like satisfaction warms my blood at seeing her get rejected. God, I’m sick. But then he leans down, pecks her cheek, and takes her hand, dragging her through the crowd of people, and that satisfaction is snuffed out faster than a flame in the wind. It doesn’t take a genius to know what’s going to happen next.

A loneliness chills my bones as I watch him disappear up into a room and close the door behind them. It’s not that I wish I was in Madison’s place…Okay, I totally wish I was, but not here. Not when anyone could walk in. But going home to an empty bed and waking up with no one...it’s lonely. And the thing is, I like my own company; I’m a hoot, but I just want to feel something different. Something other than longing.

An idea takes root in my head, and I realize that maybe I’ve been alone too much over the last few months before school started. Indie took a scholarship that kept her busy and Seb went to training camp with Miles, but me? I stayed home all summer, volunteering at the local women’s shelter and pining. So. Much. Pining. I need a distraction. I… I need to move on.

“I want to date more,” I blurt, startling myself.

Indie doesn’t falter, though, at my honest sentiment. She simply lifts her head to look at me and nods. “I’ve been trying to get Seb to back off with the whole protective brother bullshit. It can’t be easy trying to date with him lurking around like your shadow.”

“It’s not easy,” I admit. Even though I love my brother, it’s hard being his little sister.

“He’s going to get another lecture from me tonight too. I want you to be happy.”

I look over to my best friend, smiling. “I love you, you know.”

She shrugs her shoulder. “I know. I got your back.”

“And I’ve got yours.”

Indie lets a rare smile tug at her lips. “So shall we start looking for contenders tonight?” she asks, perking up like now the party has gotten busier.

I shake my head. My unrequited feelings for Miles are well and truly in play tonight, and I have a feeling, no matter who she suggests, they’ll fall short to a man who doesn’t see me the same way I do him. “Maybe not tonight, but tomorrow, or later this week over lunch?”

She hums a noise of agreement, and then a wave of tiredness washes over me. I need a decent night’s sleep. I’ve got cheer practice tomorrow afternoon after back-to-back classes. And it’s not like I’m having fun standing here, knowing where Miles and Madison likely are and what they’re doing.

“I think I’m just gonna head out,” I yawn. We’ve been here for longer than Indie’s standard thirty minutes anyway, and she’s going back to Seb’s dorm tonight. I turn, pulling her into a hug, and she doesn’t resist. It took her a while, but she’s finally gotten used to hugging me over the last year, considering she was as prickly as a cactus when we first met. “Are you staying?”

“I should probably find Seb before I go. Let him know I’m heading back to his room.” She glances around the gatheringcrowd and huffs a disgruntled noise. “It’ll take me ages to find him in here.”

“Always Mr. Popular.”

“Don’t I know it. Text me when you’re home?”

“Will do,” I say as we split off into opposite directions, her moving deeper into the throng of people and me pushing my way past sweaty bodies, heading toward the front door. My escape plan is slightly thwarted when some of the cheer squad spot me and drag me over for a quick drink. What feels like an eternity later, when it’s really only about an hour or so, I manage to escape despite the crowd and all the discarded solo cups and sticky floor trying to keep me hostage.

As soon as I’m in the hallway of the dorm building, the noise quietens, the thumping base a muffled repetitive beat, and I’m alone. Pausing in the empty space, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling all that negative energy. Tomorrow is a new day.

I pull on my jacket that I found on my way out and head to the stairwell, when something catches my attention, stopping me. “Miles?” I say, my voice sharp with surprise. He’s leaning against the wall, next to Levi Sanders, and at the sound of his name, he looks up at me, his eyes glassy and unfocused. Jeez, how much did he drink tonight? He didn’t lookthatdrunk when he was making out with Madison an hour or so ago.

“Queenie!” he slurs, a wide, sloppy grin spreading across his face. Levi glances at me, disinterested, and pushes off the wall, clasping Miles’s hand in one of those bro-shakes, disappearing down the hall before I can say anything.

“I thought you were inside with Madison?”

He waves his hand dismissively. “Iwaswith her.” A look I can’t quite read crosses his face, but it quickly disappears as he focuses—or tries to focus—on me, that same dopey grin returning to his face. “I’m not now. I’m withyou.”

“Actually, you were just with Levi too. Looking for new friends?” I ask, my eyes narrowing. I don’t know much about the guy, but one of the girls on the team dated him briefly last year and his reputation around campus is less than stellar.

“What’s it to you?” he mumbles, swaying slightly. “He’s… He’s a cool dude.”

“A cool dude?” I ask skeptically. “When have you ever called anyone a cool dude? What are you, eighty?”

“Hey, watch it, young lady. That mouth will get you into trouble.” He wiggles a finger at me, the motion making him sway and stumble back slightly.

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