Page 87 of Fragile

My mind snags on one word.Lucky. He thinks I should feel lucky.

Something hot and angry bubbles inside me. My heart starts to pound a dangerous beat, but not in the way it does before a game. This is something else, something darker, twisting inside me, feeding on every bit of doubt and fear I’ve ever had.

“I… I didn’t—” My voice is barely a whisper, trembling as I try to get the words out, even though I’m not sure what I was going to say.

“Didn’t what? Didn’t mean to fuck up? Well, congratulations, because you did. And you’re not just screwing up your own life, but you’re dragging me down with you. Do you think people don’t know who your father is? Do you think my name isn’t attached to every move you make? When you fail, I fail. And I’m not going to let that happen. So, get your head out of your ass and start acting like someone who gives a shit. Or else you’re going to lose everything before you even realize what you’ve thrown away.”

My thoughts start to spiral, sinking deeper into that dark place where every insecurity, every fear I’ve tried to bury for the last few weeks, comes rushing back up to the surface. I’m drowning in it, suffocating, being blinded by it. The ground feels like it’s slipping out from under me, and I’m desperately trying to hold on, but there’s nothing to grab onto. Just his voice, and the overwhelming certainty that no matter what I do, it’ll never be enough.

“Nothing to say?” he barks with a sadistic laugh. “Typical. Well, you should know, Taylor is in the crowd tonight, but I doubt he’ll have any interest in you after the stunt you pulled this morning.”

He hangs up before I can respond, not that I had any plans to. I stare at the phone in my hand, feeling numb. The reality of everything starts to sink in, and I feel like I’m being crushed under the pressure.

Taking a shaky breath, I look around, realizing that I’m still lurking in the hallway. The rest of the team is probably already inside, getting ready for the meeting, while I’m here, completely falling apart. My chest tightens again, but this time it’s not just anxiety. It’s fear. Fear of what happens next, fear of what I’mbecoming, fear that maybe my dad is right—that I’m not cut out for this, that I’m throwing everything away.

I force myself to move, my legs like lead as I head toward the locker room. Each step feels heavier than the last, and by the time I reach the doors, I’m barely holding it together. I push through, trying to keep my face neutral, trying not to let anyone see the mess inside me.

But as soon as I step into the locker room, the noise, the laughter, the energy—it all feels like too much. I can barely hear the conversations around me, the pounding in my head drowning everything else out. My teammates are joking around, hyped up for the game, but it feels like they’re in a different world, one I’m not a part of.

I slip into my spot, attempting to stay invisible, but I can’t shake the feeling of eyes on me. I try to focus, try to pull myself together, but my mind keeps spinning, replaying my dad’s words over and over. Every mistake, every missed opportunity, every time I’ve fallen short—it all comes rushing back. The panic rises, making my blood rush around my body, but I push it down, forcing myself to breathe, to calm down.

I try to picture her. Try to hear her voice. Feel her touch. Smell her cinnamon scent. The desperate need I have to make sure I’m worthy of her.

The more I try to push it away, the stronger it gets, until I feel like I’m going to explode. My hands start to tremble, and I quickly shove them under my thighs, hoping no one notices.

“Miles, you good?” A voice cuts through the chaos in my head, and I look up to see Seb staring at me, concern etched on his face.

I nod quickly, giving him a tight smile. “Yeah, just… I just need a minute,” I mumble, my voice barely steady. “Big game tonight.”

He doesn’t look convinced, but as soon as his mouth opens, Coach walks in, and the meeting starts. I go through the motions, nodding when I’m supposed to, but it’s all just a blur. All I can think about is what happens if I fail—if I let everyone down, if I prove my dad right.

I should be listening to the plays we’re doing, I should be paying attention, but I can’t keep track of my thoughts. When coach says we can break and be back here in an hour for suiting up, I practically sprint out of the locker room.

I’m so wrapped up in my thoughts that I barely notice when someone bumps into me outside, hard enough to knock me off balance. I stumble, catching myself just before I hit the ground, and when I look up, my heart skips a beat.

“Whoa, easy there, big guy,” he says, then recognition flickers in his eyes. “Miles, man, I haven’t seen you around.”

Levi stands in front of me, his usual cool demeanor on like armor. “Levi.” I nod, trying to sound indifferent.

“You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” He chuckles as he takes a step closer to me. “I’m glad I ran into you, today.”

That makes one of us. The last thing I need right now is him in my face. Especially not when I’m already hanging on by a thread. When I don’t engage, he pushes more.

“Because you know, I figured you might need something from me, like old times…”

I stiffen, my mind flashing back to last year. The semi-championship game, the first time I’d taken anything. I’d been a mess then, too—pressure, nerves, everything piling up until I felt like I was going to implode. Levi had been there, offering something to take the edge off. And it had worked, hadn’t it? I played one of the best games of my life. We won and my dad was briefly happy. I think.

“I’m good,” I say, side-stepping him.

“Really?” he guffaws. “You don’t look good. You look like you could fall apart.” He stares at me, those dark eyes making me shudder. “Come on. You remember how it helped last time, don’t you? Got you through that game, made you a hero for a night. I’ve got the same stuff, maybe even better. Just a little something to calm those nerves, help you focus. You need it, man—I can see it in your eyes.”

My stomach twists as the temptation is stronger than I want to admit. He’s right—I do remember how it helped. How everything had seemed to slow down, how the panic had melted away, leaving me sharp, focused, unstoppable. But there’s a vision of red hair, green eyes, and perfect freckles that’s stopping me. Everything good in my life right now is because of her, and I can’t do that to her.

“I’m not doing that anymore, Levi.” I’m trying to sound firm, but even I can hear the doubt in my voice.

He gives me a knowing look, his smile widening. “Yeah? You sure about that? Because from where I’m standing, it looks like you could use all the help you can get. You’re not gonna let one rough day ruin everything you’ve worked for, are you? Think about it—your dad, the team, your future. All of it, just a little bump in the road if you take care of business. And I’m offering you the way to do that.”

Glancing up, I meet his eyes, and for a split second, I see a way out. A way to push the fear away, to silence the doubts, to be the player I’m supposed to be. To stop all this shit with my dad.

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