Page 56 of Fragile

“I’m sorry,” Miles breathes out. The weight behind his words is heavy, and as he takes a tentative step toward me, I have to stop myself from being pulled to him like a magnet, my body desperate to soothe him. His brown eyes find mine, and the vulnerability in them almost floors me. He looks like the same little boy who lost his mom years ago and needed comforting. “Will you come with me for a second?”

There’s still that voice inside my head demanding answers and telling me I should shout until I get them. But this isn’t about me right now, it’s about him.

I can only nod.

“I’ll help you walk,” he says immediately as I wobble, getting up to balance on my good foot. The way he wraps his arm around my waist, effortlessly hiking my arm around his neck soI don’t have to worry about weight bearing makes all of this so much harder. Now that I know how he and I fit together, it’s impossible to forget. He walks us both down the hall, all the way to the shared bathroom at the end.

Opening the door, the place is empty, mirrors lined up behind sinks surrounded by a halo of white lights. Miles interlinks our fingers when he unwraps my arm from around his neck and lifts me toward the first sink.

He fumbles something from his pocket, and I watch him with rapt attention, neither of us speaking as he opens the pot of Tylenol. The few small white tablets dance in the porcelain bowl, softly snicking as they one by one plummet into the dark abyss.

Exhaling a heavy breath, he falls a few steps backward until his back meets the wall with an audible thud. I don’t know what to say, my heart is caught in my throat as I watch him battle something within himself.

Right now, I see Miles as he is: raw. He isn’t showing me any facade, he’s just here trying to deal with something that’s threatening to swallow him whole. Something that has left him feeling powerless. He’s just a boy who is lost and desperate to find some control in his life.

I can see now why he walked away earlier. The anger leaves my body in an instant because he doesn’t need anyone telling him how bad this is. He knows. He just can’t find a lifeline to change that.

The silence begins to stifle the bathroom like steam from a hot shower.

“Before you ask, that’s all I have.”

My mind stumbles over itself, trying to come to terms with what he’s doing and how I deal with everything in a way that doesn’t put him under any pressure. “Why did you do that?” I manage to stammer. Empathy wraps around me like a blanket I wish I could pass to him.

He picks at his thumbnail, distracting himself before looking at me for the first time since we’ve come in here. My palms are clammy, and I shove them deep into my pockets, hoping to hide how unsteady I feel.

“Because I got an offer tonight that made me question everything,” he replies, uncertainty flickering on his face.

My heart stalls as all kinds of scenarios rush through my mind.

“What kind of offer?” The pit in my stomach tightens. I need to know, but I’m also terrified to find out.

He doesn’t look at me. “For more. For something stronger. I saw Levi in town, and he… Never mind. It was something that would truly make me forget.” He sighs and turns his attention to me. Eyes shadowed with a darkness I’ve not seen in him before. But then he blinks, softening his expression and that streak of caramel in his left eye glistens and my breath catches at the sight of it. “And tonight, I realized I had more to remember than forget.”

A flutter of hope blooms in my chest.

Then taking two measured steps toward me, he leans in and kisses my cheek and brands me as his. As if I haven’t spent most of my life already belonging to him, now it feels like he’s choosing me and silently begging me to be his lifeline.

Without second guessing myself, I reach up, my fingers curling into the fabric of his shirt as I yank him toward me. Our lips crash together, hard and urgent, as I pull him into a kiss that’s anything but gentle. My hands slip to the back of his neck to keep him close. He groans against my mouth, and I feel it vibrate through my chest, spurring me to kiss him harder, deeper, like I can’t get enough.

And with him, I know I never will.

Chapter twenty-six

Miles

“Show me your classtimetable,” Quinn says, perched on my chair at my desk in her cheer uniform. She has practice this afternoon, albeit observing, since her ankle still isn’t right, and has already told me in no uncertain circumstances that I’ll be going with her.

It’s been a few days since I tipped away the pills from Levi. I haven’t felt great; the tiredness that grips me some days is crippling. As a result, I’ve been sleeping like it’s my full-time job, even though school and football should be those things.

I’ve also had headaches to boot. I can’t pretend that I’m finding it easy, because it’s not. Nothing about this situation I got myself into is easy. Nothing about the slippery slope I was falling down is easy, and getting back up? Fuck, that’s even harder.

My sobriety wasn’t just about the pills, though, and it wasn’t just about impressing my dad. In fact, that’s something I’m eager to forget all about. But I knew I had more to deal with. I could feel it bubbling under the surface of my subconscious. It’sabout detoxing from anger, resentment, and a hatred that were building a fortress around my heart. The things that keep me awake at night, and I’ll deal with them…when I’m ready. But I have to start somewhere. First, the habit needs to be kicked.

We’ve got game seven coming up soon, and then it’s one more game until our rivalry game against Washington University. Our boarder war is historical in football, and everyone expects nothing short of a sensational show of sportsmanship and talent. It’s going to take a lot of our best plays to make sure we come out on top. And a lot of my own willpower not to rely on a little white pill.

You can do this. One step at a time.

“Miles?” Quinn asks, getting my attention again.

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