Page 3 of Understanding Fate

Fuck this.

I’m a strong, independent woman who can go on a prospective job trip without having a mental breakdown.

Right?

I exhale, hoping that the tension will leave my body along with the air, before using the facilities and washing my hands in a nearby sink.

Check out the company. Make a decision.

That’s why I’m here.

In the three weeks since Hudson’s funeral, my life has been a whirlwind. I finished my finals, returned to work, and have tried to keep myself busy working out with Liv. While it feels like falling back into my routine, my anxiety has never been worse.

The only bright spot in these weeks has honestly been Cain. For a few days, he kept his distance, texting me something that made him think of me or dropping off coffee before I left for class. It was always a small gesture before he had to be at work or I had something on my schedule, which ensured he didn’t overstay his welcome.

When my birthday came, he bribed Liv, with what I’ll never know, but she let him decorate my entire bedroom with small white firefly lights that have me thinking of him every time I walk in. Along with the lights, he left a wrapped box with the lights—a box I haven’t had the nerve to open for fear that it’s perfect and will make me fall even further in love with him.

My resolve to stay away from him while I sort everything out has been slowly deteriorating. I know that I need this space to figure everything out, but my body and heart aren’t on the same page as my brain.

He hasn’t pushed for more, but I have found myself looking forward to the moments I get to see him and checking my phone to see if a meme or random text is there.

I want more. I want to rewind time and return to the light banter and sexual tension we had before everything went to hell in a handbasket.

He’s my Mate.

That thought unsettles me the most because I wonder if I want him because he’s the one The Fates picked or because he’s my choice. I’ve spent my entire life fighting against what the world thought I would be and choosing my own future.

No one expected a foster kid to be a straight-A student, one without a drug problem or teen pregnancy scare. The odds weren’t in my favor to be a scholarship recipient for my grades or to become a college graduate. I did those things. I graduated high school with honors, stayed out of jail and shit relationships, and I made a future for myself.

And now, The Fates are trying to dictate who I spend my life with and who I can be entirely myself around. It’s driving me crazy.

This trip is about me choosing. Not The Fates, not Cain, not society. Me. I want to be the one who decides where my life is supposed to go. I can’t change what’s happened, but I damn sure get to decide what I make of this new future I’ve been handed.

Focusing back on the present, I exit the bathroom, fully aware of those walking around me. The feeling of being watched has dimmed some, and I breathe a little easier, knowing it was all in my head.

As I enter the passenger pick-up area, I scan the signs, searching for my name. Six people appear to be waiting to pick up passengers, but none hold up DelaCourt or Brielle. Last I checked, my name wasn’t B. Lopez. I pull out my cell phone to see if I have missed a message or some information from Ethan.

The last text message still shows from this morning.

Excited to have you! Someone will be there to grab you at 730 p.m. in passenger pick up.

Checking the time on my phone, I see it’s 7:35 pm.

Maybe they had to use the restroom.

I walk over to the wall, where a few chairs sit empty, and decide to wait. With the extra time, I text Keith and Liv to let them know I landed and everything is good. Then, before I can talk myself out of it, I send a quick message to Cain.

He cares about my well-being. It’s only polite to update him.

Hello, denial…

When eight o’clock rolls around, I finally start to think that I’ve been left and send a message to Ethan asking if I should take an Uber to my hotel.

When my phone buzzes a moment later, I open the text immediately, hoping Ethan has answers for me so my anxiety can relax. Being in a strange city alone is definitely more intimidating than I thought it would be.

Glad to hear you are safe. I’m here if you need anything.

I shake my head, not understanding the context before me. I glance around.

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