Page 91 of Fate Awakened

I exhale, thinking back to the list of questions I wrote down, throwing most of them out before forcing myself to be brave.

Turning to face him, my eyes slowly work their way up to his before I ask the one question I can’t seem to rationalize without hearing the words from his mouth.

“Was sleeping with me part of your assignment or just one of the perks?” I ask, my voice holding despite the emotional upheaval I have going on in my chest. I work to keep my expression neutral, refusing to give him the satisfaction of seeing me fall apart.

“What? Is that what you think!? Oh my God, Firefly! I’d never have crossed that line with you if this was just about the video. Nothing about how I feel for you is a lie.” He steps closer to me as he explains. The shock his face displays makes me angry and brings me back to that embarrassing moment when I realized I was a job to him.

“But it was all based on a lie! How can you claim to lov… care about someone,” I catch myself because I almost used the word love, and I had to backtrack.

He never said he loved me.

“And lie to their face day after day. I’ll give it to you; you’re one hell of an actor. I bought every word. Believed every moment. I was the fool who fell for you entirely, so swept up in the pretty words you’d say that I never stopped to question ANY of it!” I tried to come into this meeting detached, but being this close to him brought back every word, every memory, every single moment I gave him a piece of myself.

My body betrays me again as a hot tear slides down my cheek, and I swipe at it, mad that it fell.

I’m not upset. I’m furious.

Worse, he stands before me with no mask, every emotion broadcast on his face. Anguish. Pain. Hurt. Longing. They pour from him, and every fiber of my being wants to jump into his arms, forget every terrible thing that happened and fool myself into believing all the beautiful lies were real.

If only I could play pretend.

Coming today was a terrible choice. I turn and walk a few steps, needing some distance from him to work through this hurt. His closeness makes it impossible not to feel everything he feels. That, coupled with everything I’m feeling, has me wanting to run to my car. The only thing stopping me is Hudson. I owe it to him to be here, so, for now, I need to find a way to fight through these overwhelming emotions.

Cain gives me a few moments to collect myself, but I hear his movement behind me. Once I’ve slowed my heart, I feel his breath on the back of my neck seconds before his masculine scent envelops me, freezing me in place.

“Firefly, I wasn’t acting. You were supposed to be a job. Track the witness, and make sure she doesn’t talk. Protect the pack. But that all changed when I met you and got to know you. When I fell in love with who you are. I love you, Firefly. Your sass, your attitude, the way you challenge me, everything,” his words are almost a whisper by the end. I find myself holding my breath torn between wanting him to wrap his arms around me and hold me until I don’t hurt any longer, and wanting him to back up so I can think without his warmth inches from my body.

I choose option number three. Turning to face him, not closing the distance but not backing away. The sincerity of his words is nothing compared to the need in his eyes. My breath catches in my throat, and I bite my lip to keep myself from kissing him, knowing his words aren’t enough to fix this.

“Why didn’t you tell me I was Unawakened? Once you knew me, once you knew I was like you, and it didn’t need to be a secret. If you loved me, why didn’t you tell me what I am?” I ask as more tears flow down my face, this time from the loss I feel.

His face drops, and for a moment, I don’t think he’s going to answer me.

“It’s not that simple. You wouldn’t understand,” he starts, causing me to snap back at him as I feel every inch of distance between us, literally and metaphorically.

“Then explain it to me because from where I’m standing, you had a hundred chances to tell me, a million reasons it could’ve made our relationship stronger, and you chose the one where you don’t say anything and let me fall in love with a lie!”

“Because we’re Fated. You’re my Mate. We’re destined to be a perfect match, souls put together in the stars and placed on Earth to find each other, and… shit… Firefly, I wanted to know that you wanted me. Cain. Not just that your wolf was destined for mine. I needed to know that the Mate bond was more than just some fairytale where we live happily ever after. My parents weren’t Mates, so I didn’t grow up knowing I’d find my Mate. I needed it to be real, but I didn’t want to change your whole life if you didn’t want me, so I waited. I got to know you and fell in love with all of the parts of you that you don’t show the rest of the world. By the time I knew that the Fates were right, that you’re the only thing I need in this world, I got scared.” His voice breaks on the word, and his shoulders slump in defeat. My hands shake as I try to process his words, to understand what he means, but before I can, he continues.

“You have this whole big life planned. All of your dreams involve getting away from here, away from me. It felt selfish to ask you to choose me. I was terrified you wouldn’t choose me. I was terrified you would choose me and spend your life resenting me for keeping you from everything you ever wanted. I want you to have all of your dreams come true, Firefly, and if that means moving to Boston, then I’ll follow you there.” His statement startles me.

He can’t move to Boston. His Pack is here. His family.

“You can’t leave your pack. They’re your family. They just lost one of their own. They need you here,” I say with one hundred percent certainty, avoiding all the parts about us being Fated and Mates.

“I can’t lose you again,” he whispers as pain flows out of his eyes, making me want to hug him and tell him everything will be okay. His hand reaches up and tucks a strand of my hair behind my ear before cradling my cheek.

I lean into his hand, closing my eyes and allowing my heart this moment. Without opening them, I ask my next question.

“Do you feel this way because we’re Mates? Because your wolf is Awakened?” I ask, my voice barely above a whisper, his hand still holding my face.

“Look at me, Firefly.” I slowly slide my lids open before he continues, determination set on his face that reminds me of the library when he was trying to convince me to tutor him.

“My wolf is drawn to you because we’re Fated Mates. My love for you exists without any of that. If you were Awakened, your wolf would pull you to mine. But your feelings are your own. Your wolf is a part of you, but she’ll have her own impulses, needs, and personality, which will come out when you’re Awakened. You’ll be able to feel her emotions, but they aren’t yours. If you choose to remain Unawakened, I’ll love you and protect you from any who wants to harm you. If you choose to be Awakened, that love will still exist even if you reject the bond.”

“I get the choice? Dante said I must be Awakened,” I explain.

“You will live the life you want. Dante’s right that leaving you Unawakened puts you at risk, but I’ll spend my life protecting your choice. All I’ve ever wanted was for you to have the choice of what life you want.”

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