Page 20 of Christmas With My Ex

7:44 am

I wakeup to an empty bed.

For a second, I think I’ve imagined the whole thing, that last night didn’t happen. For a moment, it's almost as if I could pretend I never knocked on her door, never brought that dessert up to her room, never let things go where I knew they were headed.

But this is her room. And the faint scent of her still lingers in the sheets. And my heart sinks.

She’s gone. I could take that to mean she wanted to get away from me, but maybe she has a totally logical explanation for her absence.

I sit up, rubbing a hand over my face, trying to shake the fog from my brain.

Holy shit, it’s Christmas Eve. Somehow, knowing that, this is that much more of a cluster.

What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t. That’s the problem. I wasn’t thinking at all. The second I saw her again, all those old feelings came rushing back, and I let my dick do the thinking.

I glance over at the empty space beside me. She could’ve woken me up. We could’ve talked about what happened, but maybe that’s exactly what she didn’t want. And if that's the case, maybe she's right.

I stand up, my body stiff from a long night. I pull on my clothes, each movement feeling heavier than the last. I should’ve known better. I should’ve expected this. Rives has always been... complicated. And the truth is, I don’t know what I want right now either.

Maybe that’s why I’m feeling like I have a thousand-pound gorilla sitting on my back.

What am I even feeling right now? I have to concentrate to understand because it feels like everything is coming at me all at once. I'm confused, uneasy, and a little pissed off.

Mixed with all that, there’s something else. Something I can’t shake. Maybe last night wasn’t just a mistake. Maybe there’s a part of me that wants to see if we could try again. My life is certainly different, perhaps hers is, too. Is there a chance we could be more aligned now than we were five years ago?

I stop in front of the window, looking out at the snow-covered resort. It’s calm out there, peaceful looking in a way thatcontrasts my anything-but-peaceful feelings. I guess the storm has passed, but I can tell by looking there is a fresh pile of snow covering everything.

My thoughts are too loud, too tangled, to appreciate any of it. All I can think about is her smile last night, the way she pulled me in, and the heat between us that exploded once we both gave into it.

It was simmering long before that, though, before she even knew I was in the same remote town as her.

I glance at the bedside table, half-expecting to see some kind of note. There’s nothing. No clue as to where she went. My phone sits there, untouched, no new messages lighting up the screen.

Part of me wants to go find her, to demand a conversation, at least. But the other part, the more rational part, knows that’s not the answer. Chasing her down won’t solve anything.

I need a shower, anyway. Maybe after that I will know how to deal with this, if I deal with it at all.

7:59am

The hot showerclears my head, but not enough to erase the mess of last night. I can’t stop thinking about Rives, about her hot body under me and the feel of her skin against mine.

And, then, I remember her leaving before I woke up.

It’s frustrating, not knowing where her head is, but if her actions are any indication, she wants to put this behind her. I should just let it be.

After getting dressed, I grab my phone and jacket, deciding coffee might help clear the rest of the fog from my brain. The resort is quiet, everyone still easing into their holiday morning. It's time to turn this Christmas Eve around. I came here to make the holiday better, not more complicated.

As I step into the lobby, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I pull it out to see Bobby’s name flash across the screen for a FaceTime call. Immediately my mood switches, knowing this means my sweet Sammy is calling to wish me a happy Christmas Eve like he always does the day before Santa comes.

I swipe to answer, immediately hit with the sight of Sammy’s messy hair and wide grin.

"Uncle Nick!" he shouts, his voice loud enough to draw a few glances from the staff nearby.

"Hey, buddy," I say, smiling, grateful for the happy diversion. "What’s up? You and your dad ready for Santa? Have you been a good boy?"

"Yeah!" he yells, bouncing in place. "Dad says I get to open one present tonight. But I already know what it is!"

I laugh. "You always figure it out, huh?"

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