Page 22 of Christmas With My Ex

"You doing okay?" I ask, feeling the tension between us settle back in. I'm trying to think of anything to keep her from dashing off.

"Yeah, I’m good," she replies, but her voice sounds tight, like she’s trying to convince herself as much as me.

"Good," I say, trying to lighten things up. I nod toward the wreath she’s holding. "Crafts, huh?"

She laughs softly, but it’s more of a sigh. "Yeah. Lobby was quiet, and I figured it was better than sitting alone in my room."

I want to say not too long ago she wouldn't have been alone in her room, but I get the message. What she meant to say is it was better than sitting with me in her room.

"Yeah, good choice." I run a hand through my hair, unsure what to say next. "Sorry about dragging you into that FaceTime call. Sammy is a precocious little guy."

"Don't apologize. Highlight of my morning. It's fun to see Christmas through the eyes of a child. Those big, curious blue eyes had me at hello. How old did you say he is?"

"He turned four in October. And he's going on fourteen," I say and laugh, proud to tell her about my nephew. Talking about him always brings warm feelings up about my sister, evoking her into my life even though she is gone.

"Well, sorry about taking off this morning. I woke up, and you were still out, so I figured I'd grab a coffee. I'm glad to see you found your way around," she says, gesturing to my fresh clothes.

She is still wearing what she had on when she invited me in for dessert.

"No worries. I would offer to buy you a coffee, but it sounds like you're all set."

"I need a shower, anyway."

"Of course. Well, I'll let you go. I'd love to see you later if I haven't worn out my welcome?"

"It looks like we might be locked in here, at least for a little while, as they clear out the snow. This place isn't too big. I'm sure we'll run into each other again, literally."

Ouch. If that wasn't a blow-off, I don't know what is. "Yeah, that sounds good. Enjoy your shower."

A lump forms in my throat as I watch her head down the hall. Damn, that was harder than I thought it would be to see her again.

If there was any question, she definitely wants to put up clear boundaries. Merry Christmas to me.

NINE

Rives

The mood is right / The spirit’s up / We’re here tonight / And that’s enough.

8:22 am

I walk backto my room, crutches clicking against the otherwise quiet, carpeted floor. My mind is spinning.

Nicholas asked if he could see me again. And what did I do? I shut him down. Deflected. I told him we’d "run into each other" because of the snow, but we both know that wasn’t what he meant.

I let out a long breath as I close the door behind me, the solitude of the room pressing in. Leaning the crutches against the wall, I sit down on the edge of the bed, feeling the weight of everything. The tension between us is impossible to ignore, no matter how hard I try to keep him at arm’s length.

And it’s Christmas Eve. Of all times to be stuck in a tiny resort, reliving the past with the man who broke my heart.

But it's not just Nicholas. It’s everything—the snowstorm, the injury, and... my mom.

I lean back against the pillows, staring at the ceiling, feeling the ache that always creeps in around this time of year. Christmas hasn’t felt the same since I lost her. I try to stay busy, to keep the memories at bay, but this year... it’s different. Maybe because I’m stuck here, with nothing but my thoughts, and nowhere to escape them.

I can’t believe it’s almost been five years. 2018 was the last Christmas we spent together. It was February 2019 when she went to sleep and didn’t wake up. I’ll never forget that day—because it was also the day I found out I was pregnant.

She never knew she might have been a grandmother.

Not that it matters. That wasn’t meant to be, either. But I’ll never forget the pain of that time—my breakup with Nicholas in January, losing my mom in February, and then facing a life-altering decision alone. There were moments I didn’t think I’d survive that year... but here we are.

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