Page 50 of The Lake of Lost Girls

I focused on the crow’s feet at the corners of Ryan’s eyes. I noticed that his five o’clock shadow, as well as his dark-brown hair, was tinged with gray.

He was so handsome, and so much older than me.

And now all I could see—all I could feel—was betrayal and how if Jess were still here, Ryan would be waiting for her at the bottom of the stairs and not me.

“Hey, Lindsey,” Ryan greeted, “I tried calling you a few times, but you didn’t answer.”

“I’ve been busy. What do you want?” He looked taken aback by the sharpness in my tone.

At my obvious annoyance, Dad seemed curious. He looked between us as if trying to get a read on the situation. As though trying to figure out how he would be expected to react.

“Maybe now isn’t a great time for a visit,” he remarked blandly.

Ryan ignored my dad entirely, instead appearing confused by my reaction to him. “Lindsey, are you okay?” He sounded worried.

“I … I uh, think you should go,” Dad said, attempting to sound stern. It would have been comical if I hadn’t been so upset. My dad wasn’t the protective type, and it was clear he didn’t quite know how to be where I was concerned. That wasn’t our relationship. It felt like he was acting a part and fumbling over his lines.

Ryan’s gaze slid to my dad before coming back to settle on me once more. “What’s happened?”

Of course, he had no idea what was wrong. No idea why I was suddenly acting as if I didn’t want to see him. The guy wasn’t a mind reader after all.

It would be so easy to launch accusations at him like hand grenades, watching as they exploded in his dishonest face. But I didn’t want to give him the chance to explain. I didn’t want to hear the lies fall from his mouth.

Every part of me turned ice cold. “I have nothing to say to you.”

My dad continued to watch us, though I noticed he had slowly started to make his way towards the kitchen as if the whole scene was making him uncomfortable. “Linds, do you need my help with this?” I didn’t answer, my attention on Jess’s boyfriend.

Ryan clenched his jaw as if he were trying to reign in his anger, his pleading eyes on mine. “I don’t know what I’ve done to upset you, Lindsey, but I have something you’ll want to hear. Please give me a few minutes. I won’t stay any longer if you don’t want me to.”

I wasn’t sure what to do. I wanted to confront him. I needed to unleash all this fury that had nowhere to go. He was my sister’s boyfriend. I wanted him to know that Iknew.

But what if, once he realized his cover was blown, he packed up his newly found information and left without eversharing it with me? In that moment, my drive to find out what happened to Jess outweighed my desire to expose him.

But I didn’t trust him. And even worse, I didn’t trustmyselfwith him.

“Lindsey?” My dad now seemed troubled, as if finally figuring out how he should proceed. He glanced at Ryan. “Maybe I should walk him out.”

Ryan was openly scowling as he tried not to look at my father, yet somehow, I knew his anger was aimed at him. The amount of rage I felt emanating from him felt over the top given the situation. I didn’t understand Ryan’s level of antagonism.

Dad, however, seemed oblivious.

Feeling a bone-deep exhaustion, I came down the rest of the stairs. “It’s okay, Dad, I’ll talk to him.” I felt like I was making the same mistakes over and over. I kept putting my trust in people who didn’t deserve it.

Tell him.A voice whispered in my head.Let him know that you’re on to him.

It was hard to ignore the impulse to shout in his face. But somehow, I swallowed it and kept it inside. For now.

“Alright, well, let me get out of your way.” Dad seemed relieved that his assistance wouldn’t be required and he hurriedly left the room.

I slid past Ryan, heading outside to the porch. He followed me and I closed the door behind us.

“What’s going on?” Ryan demanded. “I’ve been calling you all damn day. I even went by the front desk and asked where you were, but they said you had the day off. Why didn’t you tell me you were off today? You should have said something. I need to be able to get ahold of you, Lindsey. This is serious.” He took a step toward me and I took a step back. He seemed intent on closing the distance between us, but I was determined to keep it. “Are you avoiding me?”

I started to turn away. I couldn’t look at him. I needed to gather my thoughts. I hadn’t prepared what I would say to him. I had barely been able to get my head around the whole thing myself.

Ryan reached for me, his hand wrapping around my bicep. He swung me back around to face him. “Listen, I don’t know what I did or why you’re ignoring me, but this isn’t fair, okay. It’s not fair, Lindsey. I have done everything you’ve asked of me. I’ve told you what I know. I’ve been completely open with you. But it’s more than that.” His eyes implored me to hear him out. “Lindsey, I like you.” His hand slid down my arm to gently take my hand. And God help me, I let him. I loathed myself at how weak I was. “I never intended for this to happen when I came to Mt. Randall, but I’m so glad it did.”

I felt paralyzed by his desperation. I wanted to forget everything I had learned. I wanted to go back to twenty-four hours ago when I felt on the verge of closure with Jess, and the potential of something with Ryan. I hated how quickly things could change for the worse. He continued to stare at me, his expression sad yet fierce.

---