Page 101 of The Lake of Lost Girls

The sun was low in the sky by the time I pulled up in front of my parents’ house. I looked up at the pretty two-story home and tried to remember a time I felt happy there.

When I had been happy at all.

I was starting to forget what joy felt like.

I readied myself like a soldier going into battle. I took the keys out of the ignition and headed for the front door. It opened before I could turn the knob.

“Jessie!” Lindsey threw herself at me and for a brief second, I felt it … happiness.

I picked up my baby sister and hugged her tight, burying my face into her soft hair.

She wiggled in my arms, and I put her down with a watery laugh.

“All my friends are coming and Mommy put Christmas lights up in the backyard! Dad got me a bouncy castle, too! Come on!” She grabbed my hand and pulled me into the house.

Mom came out of the kitchen and gave me a quick hug. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and looked at me with concern.

“Jessica, are you okay? You look tired.” She gave me a stern once over. “And you’ve lost weight. Too much weight. You’re nothing but skin and bones.”

Of course her worry was laced with criticism.

“I’m fine,” I replied shortly, pulling away from her. I looked around, feeling my belly tighten. “Where’s Dad?”

“He had to grab some extra paper plates from the garage. He’ll be back any second.” Her look became piercing. “Is everything okay between you two?”

I was taken aback, not used to my mother’s perceptiveness. “Everything’s fine.” I said it too quickly. It sounded like the lie it was.

Her frown deepened. “Funny, he said the same thing, and I didn’t believe him either.”

Before I could say another word, Lindsey yelled for me from the back of the house.

“Go keep her entertained. She’s been bouncing off the walls,” Mom sighed in good-natured annoyance.

I went to find my sister, every step as heavy as lead.

Lindsey:

“What did you do?” I asked again. “Dad, please, tell me what happened.”

“It’s not as simple as that,” he laughed humorlessly. Dad dragged his hands through his hair, standing it on end. “It never is.”

I waited, my anxiety building as the seconds ticked by.

“Jess was a very mixed-up woman. She had her whole life in front of her, but she so quickly lost sight of what was right in front of her. She let her emotions rule her. She got carried away by misdirected anger. She always felt things so passionately.” He wiped his eyes. “When she was little, I got her a pet bird, much to your mother’s chagrin.” We shared a brief smile, knowing how much Mom hated pets, which is why I never had one.

“It died after a few months. I think the pet store sold me one that was sick.” He sniffed, his words wobbling. “Jess cried about that bird for weeks. She was so …intenseabout it. I loved howmuchshe felt about everything in her life. Her fury was no different.”

A cold draft blew through the garage and I shivered.

“What does that mean? Her fury?” I asked.

“I’ve not always been a good man, Lindsey. I’m selfish, I have needs—like all men,” he began. His words sounded like an excuse. “I loved Jess—maybe too much. She wasn’t the only one to feel things deeply. Perhaps my love was too big for both of us.” I tried to suppress a shudder. “Everything I ever did was to protect her. To make her happy. To make her life perfect. But when she saw something in me she didn’t like, she turned against me. Shehatedme as strongly as she loved me.” He seemed to struggle to find the words he needed.

“It was easy for her to forget the good things I did. How much I gave up for my family. She disregarded all the times I stayed up with her when she was sick. Every T-ball team I coached and every fishing trip we took.”

He sounded as if he had been the one betrayed. As if Jess had hurthim. It was all wrong. Their relationship, that I used to be so jealous of, was twisted and unhealthy. He spoke ofmy sister in a way that made my insides curdle. I didn’t understand it. And I didn’t want to.

He spoke of all the things he had done for Jess.WithJess. My sister had gotten a side of our father that I used to think I wanted. But not anymore. Those wereherexperiences, her affection, her love. He gave her all of it and left none for me. And for the first time, I was thankful. I didn’t want this kind of love.

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