Page 88 of The Lake of Lost Girls

I wanted to cry. I wanted to beg her to give me a chance to explain. But what would be the point? I couldn’t explain what was happening. What had already happened. I could never tell anyone why my dad called me late at night. Why I snuck off to meet him.

I could never tell Daisy my secrets.

She became anguished. “You’ve been my best friend since we got here and I wish you’d be honest with me. Please, tell me if you’ve gotten into something you can’t get out of. Maybe I can help.”

I didn’t like where this conversation was going. I had to reassure her somehow, but there were no words I could think of. There were only more lies.

So I stayed silent. I said absolutely nothing.

With a look of heartbreaking disappointment, she shook her head. “This is going to end badly, Jess, and I can’t stand around watching it happen.” With that, she left, closing the door behind her.

My despair instantly morphed into anger. I picked up my pillow, screaming into it as loud as I could.

I had lost control of my life, of my future. I couldn’t see a way out of the mess I was in.

I couldn’t breathe.

I grabbed my keys and left my room. I needed space. I needed air.

I didn’t know where I was headed. I walked blindly. Without purpose. Without a destination. I had never felt so completely and utterly alone. I had no one to talk to. No one I could confide in. I was by myself in this awful darkness.

Eventually, I made my way toward the crest of the hill that overlooked Mt. Randall. When I first started college it felt good to be up here, with my old life out of reach down below. But it had all started to collide.

I sat down on a bench, wishing I could undo the past six months, but knowing it was impossible.

I had made my choices, no matter how rash they had been. And those decisions, made in the heat of the moment and fueled by pain and misery, were destroying me.

“Hey, babe.”

I felt his arm slide around my shoulders, his warm body pressed into my side.

I turned my face into Ryan’s solid chest, needing him desperately.

“Woah, what’s wrong?” he murmured into my hair.

“Do you have a few hours?” I laughed half-heartedly.

Ryan cupped the side of my neck. “I’m here for you, Jess, always. I can tell something’s wrong and has been for a while. I hope you know you can tell me anything and I will never judge you. Never turn my back on you.” I knew he meant it. Even if his promises were hypotheticals. He would never make those kinds of assurances if he knew the truth.

I snuggled into him. “It’s nothing. I’m being overly dramatic.”

The pieces were falling apart. I couldn’t even trust Ryan to put them back together.

He kissed the top of my head and we sat in silence for several minutes, watching the world go by.

Ryan eventually stood up. “Let’s go to my room for a little while. My roommate is at lacrosse practice.”

I let him take my hand and lead me back toward the dorms. Perhaps I could pretend for a little while.

“Jess?”

Every part of me froze. Ryan looked over his shoulder, frowning in confusion as my mom’s blue-and-tan minivan pulled up beside us as we walked along the road.

“Just keep walking,” I told him quietly.

“Jess, I need to talk to you,” my dad called out. I heard the slam of a car door. “You can’t keep avoiding me.”

“Who is that?” Ryan asked, his voice steely, his grip tightening possessively.

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