Page 73 of The Lake of Lost Girls

I slammed my book closed with a loud sigh.

My head wasn’t on academics. I was failing everything. I hadn’t turned in a homework assignment in weeks.

The only class I was passing was Intro to Statistics and that’s because Dr. Daniels had been making it a point to help me. I had grown dependent on his tutoring, knowing I’d fail his class as well, without his assistance. Yet he never made me feel like an idiot for how much I didn’t know. He made me feel, for a brief moment, capable. Almost like the old Jess. But then his hand would graze my knee or he’d scoot his chair in closer, and I was reminded why he was taking such a personal interest in my performance.

But he listened to me. It was easy to talk to him. When I was with him, I knew that his focus was entirely on me. Thatkind of attention was addictive. And even though I wasn’t fooled by his deceptively benign preoccupation, I found myself craving his approval.

Then I’d get angry with myself, because I knew better.

Just as Tammy should have. And Phoebe. And Meghan.

Yet Dr. Daniels’ insidious affection was hard to resist.

Ryan didn’t understand why I was spending so much time with my teacher.

“How can you be alone with that creep after we saw him with Meghan?” he had demanded one day last week. He had been particularly edgy once Meghan was labeled a missing person, at times snapping at me and then asking for forgiveness. It was a cycle we fell into almost immediately after we started dating.

When things were good between us, I thought of nothing but him. There were no intrusive thoughts. No soul-destroying depression. No gut-wrenching anxiety.

There was only Ryan McKay.

But when things were bad …

That kind of intensity didn’t come without consequences. Because Ryan was as obsessed with being with me as I was with him. We spent most of our free time together. And when we weren’t together, we were both tangled up in irrational jealousy. We loved each other … but at a horrible price. And his temper was something awful to behold.

As much as I tried, I couldn’t get the thought of him with those other girls—Tammy, Phoebe, and Meghan—out of my mind. I couldn’t stop imagining him touching them. Kissing them. It filled me with a resentment that I couldn’t explain, but also with a grim satisfaction knowing I no longer had to share him with them. It was an evil thought, I knew that, but I had it all the same. It was another way in which I had changed. The old Jessica would be appalled.

I was a stranger, even to myself.

What happened to the diligent student who had been accepted to college on a partial scholarship?

It seemed I had buried her deep in the ground where no one could find her.

The phone in my room rang. It sounded muffled and far away. I stared down at it unblinking, before finally snapping out of my thoughts.

“Hello?” my voice sounded anemic. Sad. Lonely.

“Jess, I’m so glad you answered. We need to talk. Please, this is getting serious—”

I hung up.

When it immediately started ringing again, I stood up, stumbling back from my desk chair. Why couldn’t he leave me alone? The phone stopped ringing and then immediately started again. I covered my ears with my hands, letting out a soft, anguished sob.

Iwantedto talk to him. The pull was immense. The love was there … my god, the love. But it was tainted with heinous things.

“Leave me alone,” I keened.

When it continued to ring nonstop, I pulled the cord from the wall.

I knew what he would say and I didn’t want to hear it.

It would be a cold day in hell before my father would become my conscience.

A knock at the door startled me.

I opened it slowly only to find Ryan standing on the other side holding a plastic bag from a local convenience store.

He took a step toward me, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulled me close. He kissed me long and deep. When he pulled away I was slightly out of breath. “I’m kidnapping you,” he murmured, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.

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