Page 60 of The Lake of Lost Girls

“Stop it. Please, just stop it! For me!” I felt myself becoming unreasonable. My emotions were cresting like a wave. I couldn’t find my anger, but my fear and misery were enough to destroy everything.

“Jess, don’t be upset. I can’t bear it.” My dad’s voice was wet with tears.

“I saw her.” I felt sick. I had to take long deep breaths so I wouldn’t throw up. I didn’t want to bring her up, but I had to.

“What are you talking about? Who did you see?”

“The girl, Dad. The one from move-in day.” I started crying. It’s what I always did when faced with the awful truths I couldn’t run away from. Like with Ryan earlier, and Dr. Daniels before that, I felt myself cave under the weight of this unbearableneed.

“Don’t cry, darling. This is all my fault.”

He was right. This was his fault.

All of it.

I felt the ring in my pocket. I wanted to throw it away, but I wouldn’t let myself. It was there for a reason.

It used to be a reminder of my father’s affection.

Now it was a reminder of all the pain he inflicted.

“Jess, listen to me. We can make things better.” He sounded as if he were talking from the bottom of a well. I barely heard him.

You’re a liar.

I wanted to shout it into the phone. But I didn’t. The recriminations reverberated around my skull.

“I have to go, Daddy.”

His broken promises pierced my shattered heart.

“Okay, sweetheart. I’m here. Always.”

You’re a liar.

I hung up and the cavernous dark pit opened up inside me swallowing me whole.

The campus was quiet at night. It was Wednesday, so it was devoid of weekend partygoers. The drinking and debauchery would be reserved for dorm rooms.

For the first time in weeks, I was stone-cold sober. I had gotten used to the welcome numbness that took my mind off … everything.

But, Daisy had asked to have the room for the next hour, so here I was, wandering the darkness—on edge, restless, not quite alone.

Figures moved in and out of the shadows, and I forced myself not to look every time I caught something out of the corner of my eye.

I was terrified I’d see them again. I was scared of the other eyes I felt watching me.

Dad said to be careful. Daisy told me to stay in well-lit places.

Neither knew what real terror felt like.

I found myself wandering over to Roosevelt Hall. I looked up at the imposing building and noticed a light still on in Dr. Daniels’s office.

“Jess.” I nearly jumped out of my skin.

I pressed a hand to my chest. “Jesus, Ryan, you scared the crap out of me.”

Ryan had his hands tucked into his jeans pockets, an orange-and-white-striped beanie pulled down over his ears. It had only been ten hours since our conversation and I could tell he wasn’t sure what to say to me.

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