Page 108 of The Lake of Lost Girls

Lindsey:

I stared at my dad in shocked confusion. “I don’t understand …”

“I saw him leave,” Dad said with a heavy sigh. “I knew what was going on. How she was doing this to hurt me. She made it clear it wasalwaysabout what I did.”

He winced like the words were difficult to say. I knew this was the pivotal moment in this sordid story, and yet now I was more puzzled than ever.

I didn’t need to ask what he had done. I had read the police interview. His crimes were clear.

“So you left,” I said to Ryan, and he nodded, “and Dr. Daniels left …”

My hands started to shake. The connections weren’t coming fast enough, yet I knew …

I knew …

“Dad?”

I stared at my father, seeing his heartache and grief with fresh, wide open eyes. It had been there all along, I just hadn’t seen it.

I hadn’t seenhim.

“I loved her so much,” he wiped his tears away. “I did everything I could to protect her, but it wasn’t enough. Icouldn’t stop things from going too far. I wasn’t there when she really needed me. And there are things I couldn’t fix, no matter how hard I tried.”

“What do you mean things went too far?” I whispered.

Dad took a shaky breath. “It’s all my fault. She told me that’s why it happened—”

“What did you do to her?” Ryan yelled. He dove toward my dad, shoving me out of the way to get to him. I fell to the side, watching in paralyzed horror as Ryan crashed into my dad, slamming him against the wall. Framed pictures fell and shattered to the floor. Ryan gripped my father by the front of his shirt, shaking him violently.

“What did you do to her?” he roared. This was the inconsolable rage of a heartbroken man.

My dad wasn’t putting up any sort of fight. He seemed to curl into himself, muttering the same words over and over again.

“I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

Ryan released him and staggered away. He looked at me, our alarm mirroring each other’s.

Dad seemed so small. A shell of the man I thought he was.

“I loved your sister,” he began and I wished I could block him out. I had been obsessed with finding out what happened to Jess. But now, faced with the blossoming truth, I was too terrified to hear it. A part of me wanted to go back to being the oblivious woman with a life full of unanswered questions. That would have been easier.

“She was everything to me,” Dad continued. “But she was so very, very broken, Lindsey. In ways you can’t even begin to understand.”

CHAPTER20

BEN FADLEY

August 23, 1999

7:05PM

I HADN’T HELDmy daughter in a long time. I wanted to freeze this moment so it could last forever.

I was scared of what waited for my girl out there. Of what would happen when the world found out.

I had failed her.

I hadn’t protected her.

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