Page 14 of Hidden Heart

“If I say no to punishments?” She met his gaze.

“That’s part of the deal, Jessica. Hopefully, it won’t be something we have to do—or do often, at least.” He let out a long breath and steadied his gaze. “Okay…we’ll put anal sex off for a bit…until we know each other better. Punishments stay. Anything else?”

“I don’t want to call you sir like that girl did. I want to use your name.”

“Why?”

“Because I’m not less than you. I don’t want to feel like I am.” Her eyes dropped from his; her voice fell as well.

“Jessica, look at me.” There wasn’t room for negotiation in his command, but he kept his voice soft.

She was only mildly surprised when she obeyed. The action didn’t feel as unnatural as she’d thought, but the feeling it brought about teetered on uncomfortable. It just felt right.

“You are not less than me or anyone else. Even if you call me Sir, that won’t change. The title isn’t an issue now. What is an issue is you understanding even as my submissive you will always be as important to the relationship as I am. We can’t have one without the other. Our roles are different, not our levels of importance.”

“You know, I haven’t been avoiding you the past few days because I didn’t want to talk to you. I was avoiding you because I was doing a lot of research and digging around about all of this,” she admitted in a rush. Being called his submissive heated her cheeks even more. The entire conversation veered off the path she’d intended, and if she didn’t get it back under control, she’d probably agree to be chained to his bed every night. All the careful planning she had done for this meeting hadn’t worked; the course had changed.

“You don’t jump into anything blindly.” His ability to see her in raw form unsettled her. The wall she’d built carefully didn’t slow him down.

“No.” She ran her finger around the rim of her cup. He watched her in silence.

“What is it?” he finally asked with an edge to his tone.

“This arrangement. I don’t want it to get personal.” She looked at him with sincerity in her eyes and voice. She cradled her coffee in her hands, waiting for his response. It was new territory, but one she was certain would keep her from getting her heart broken. After their evening together, she’d realized she’d like to see him again. She enjoyed everything they’d done, and she could imagine enjoying experiencing more of it. But she didn’t do casual, and she didn’t do relationships. The next best idea was to keep things on a friendly playing field. No emotional strings. No one getting hurt.

“Personal?” He crossed his arms over his chest again and scooted down in his seat, as though settling in for a long conversation. There would be no deterring this man.

“Yes. I mean… When we are together, then we are together, but I don’t want any of this to spill over to my time alone. When you aren’t with me, you don’t have a say. You don’t have power outside the times we are together.”

“Like your career, money, that sort of thing?”

“Right, and everything else.”

“Explain everything else.”

“I read this blog where the woman was told what she could and couldn’t eat for the day, when to exercise, what to wear… I don’t want that. When we aren’t together, I’m in control of myself.”

“And when we are together, you aren’t,” he added.

“Yes.”

“What about other partners? Do you want to have other partners when we aren’t together?”

“No,” she rushed to say. “I don’t want…I mean…I know we had sex a bit early on…and I know it’s cliché to say, but…I’ve never done that before.” A fresh blush rose on her cheeks. “That brings up another good point.”

“What does?” He took a sip of his coffee.

“Love.”

“Love?” He grinned, like he couldn’t wait to see what she had to say about the subject.

“It’s not my goal or my intention in any way.” She brought her cup to her lips. The conversation made much more sense in her head than it did slipping from her mouth.

“Okay, let me get this straight. When we are together, you submit to me, follow my rules, and do as you’re told. When we are not together, you are completely your own person. I have no ruling there. You don’t want to have other partners outside of our…what did you call it…arrangement? But you have no intention of letting love into our relationship.” He seemed to be holding in a smile as he listed her demands.

She nodded; glad he’d managed to follow along with her. Having to repeat it all would have been strenuous under his scrutiny. “That’s right.” She sat straighter in her chair.

He eyed her silently, lips firmly pressed together.

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