Page 62 of Until Daddy

“When we get home, you’ll put on your bad girl panties.”

That’s it? Nothing else?“Jamison… Daddy, I didn’t mean to get you so angry.”

He shook his head. He wasn’t looking at her, even at red lights, he continued to stare out the window. Something had happened. Something that had nothing to do with her.

“But you did. You blatantly disobeyed me. You lied to me!” His voice rose. Daddy never raised his voice.

“It was important.”

He huffed. Not a real laugh, or a chuckle—just a sound of annoyance.

She left it alone until he parked his car outside her building. He didn’t unbuckle her, he didn’t tell her to stay put so he could open her door. He did open it, though, with a quick yank and a jerk of his thumb, telling her to get out.

She swallowed hard. This didn’t feel the same as when she’d walked toward a punishment before. This, this was different. Permanent in some way. Like a heaviness pressed down on them, and she wasn’t sure a simple spanking would break it up and clear it away.

Maybe she should tell him. Maybe if she didn’t make him wait the week to tell him she’d decided to ignore the expiration date, he’d lighten up. The cloud would dissipate, at least a little.

She unlocked the door to her apartment.

“Saw you on TV just a few minutes ago, got yourself into some trouble, huh?” Mr. Buschmann called down over the railing.

She closed her eyes and took a breath. He could not have picked a worse time to be his nosy self.

“Yes, she did,” Jamison answered and pushed the door open.

Before any other retort could be uttered, she was inside, the door closed and locked behind them.

“Do you want something to drink?” She walked to the kitchen. He needed to calm down; he was too angry.

“You knew all week you were going to go today, didn’t you?” He followed her into the kitchen.

She paused at the dishwasher. “I-I had thought about it, yes. But I wasn’t sure, not really sure, until yesterday.”

“And you thought, what, that if you went, I probably wouldn’t find out so no big deal?” His voice was cold. Frozen, really.

How could she even begin to explain herself when there was no acceptable explanation?

“I know it sounds bad, it looks bad. It’s just, it was important to me, really important.”

“And keeping you safe is important to me, but that didn’t matter to you, did it? Only what you wanted counted.”

“No, that’s not what I meant.” It was coming out wrong; the whole day was happening wrong. Her throat closed up, not because she was in trouble. No, the look on his face didn’t suggest a spanking was coming. It was worse. Darkness lurked there. She knew that expression, knew what feelings boiled beneath it.

“I’m sorry.” She leaned against the counter, remembering what she wanted to tell him, remembering what she’d decided that morning. But when she looked at him and saw the distance, the gap she’d put between them, the words couldn’t form.

“You’re sorry I found out. You’re sorry that I had to bail your ass out of jail. You’re sorry about all of that, but that’s it. You had no intention of ever taking our relationship seriously.” His words cut her.

“No, that’s not true!”

He took a deep breath and looked around the kitchen. She could sense him drifting away. He was still standing there, in her kitchen, but some decision had been made, some horrible, irreversible decision.

“Daddy—”

“No. I think maybe you were right. Maybe these relationships don’t last, they aren’t meant for people like you. Or me.”

“What? No. I was wrong, no, Jamison. I fucked up—sorry, messed up—bad, I get that, but you can’t just throw away everything because I was bad one time.”

“You never had any hope for this to last. This has just been a month-long ride for you, and you were going to get off next week anyway. So, let’s just cut through the bullshit and finish it now.”

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