Page 51 of Never Say Yes To Your Best Friend (I said Yes)

“It’s hard to pack that much activity into a period of just a few hours. I have zero expectations about this, and it was all just for fun. I’m excited to be here with you.”

“Even if it’s just my condo?”

“It was fun and eventful last time,” she replies and grins.

“I promise this time will involve less sheep’s butt.”

“Will it involve you eating my pussy again?” she asks saucily.

All that sass makes my mouth drop open, but then I can’t not laugh. She laughs, too. Yeah, it was clear what we were both thinking about all week. It’s nice to know she was on the same page as me. It was near torture not being able to touch her. Weshould have arranged a mid-week date, but we waited, and now we’re here, and for the next however many hours Evilla wants to give me, we get to share them together.

“Only if you want me to,” I reply with a smirk.

She shakes her head. “Nope. I was hoping this would be the most anti-pussy eating night of my life.” She can’t keep it together. She bursts out laughing.

I’m laughing right along with her.

We go up the metal stairs at the side of the building. This time is more relaxed. We’re making dirty jokes this time, we’re excited to be here, and her nipple isn’t falling off. I’m also not carrying a hundred crab containers and worrying about her nipple falling off and becoming a medical emergency while beating myself up for not getting her to a hospital. This isn’t the unpredictable ending to an unpredictable night.

This is our night, and it’s going to be great.

Inside, I made sure the surprise was complete. I watch Evilla as she steps into the living room. You can’t miss the pile of camping equipment that looks like it’s been dumped there by someone planning a six-month-long backpacking trip through a foreign country.

“Oh,” she breathes. This could go either way. “Camping!”

“Indoor camping.”

“Indoor camping?” She reaches for my hand this time, like she did in the car with my knee, and takes it. My fingers officially belong to her. She can have every part of me if she wants.

I make sure I keep my eyes locked on the camping gear after that thought, though, because there’s no use frightening her away by being way too intense all over again. We’ve already gone down that road. It almost led to an all-out war and her quitting her job.

“Indoor camping. Remember how I said I never slept as a baby? It’s been pretty much a lifelong thing. Some people justsuck at sleeping, and I’m one of those. Some nights are great, while others don’t involve the word sleep. I do a lot of what my mom calls night walking, which includes everything from real walking to sitting and watching TV, listening to music, reading books, gaming, to—”

“Anything that’s not sleeping?”

“That’s right. When I was younger, we’d do family camping in the outdoors. When I was older, too, but less often with family and more with friends, at least after I was sixteen and got my license. We still did family stuff, but I saved the tenting for friends. My parents were bigger fans of cabins and resorts anyway.”

“Honestly, who isn’t if it’s an option?” There’s no city-slicker accusation in her tone. I’m still staring at the pile of sleeping gear, even though I’m going way back to the deep cuts of my childhood here.

“I used to get up when I couldn’t sleep, and I’d beg my mom to set up the tent in the backyard. I wanted to see the stars. She’d have to remind me that stars can’t be seen through nylon, but she’d set it up for me anyway. Inevitably, I’d watch the stars for a few minutes, sit in the tent for the next few, and then get scared and want to come inside. Eventually, it progressed to the point where my mom would set up the tent in the basement. She didn’t keep it up all the time, just when I asked for it.”

“She didn’t want the experience to get old.”

“That’s right. She got a few star projectors, and we’d lay there on top of sleeping bags and watch them. Other times, I’d just want to read a book in the tent with the lights off and my flashlight on, like real camping in the dark. We still did the backyard thing on and off. If my mom thought there was a chance in hell of getting me to sleep, she’d be right out there with me, spending the night with me so I didn’t get scared. Also, no matter how safe the neighborhood or how fenced the backyard,she was out there for safety, and when she wasn’t, I know now that she was glued to the windows, watching.”

Evilla walks over to the mountain of stuff and starts to sort things out all on her own. Sleeping bags, the tent, the blow-up air mattresses, the huge old rug I have rolled up to keep the floor from getting scratched… I’m protective of my old hardwood. Her fingers graze a closed-up small cardboard box and then stop. It’s a question I’ll answer soon.

“That’s love,” she whispers. “I wouldn’t know what to do in that position. You always love your kids, but no offense, you sound like you were a real hair ripper.”

I give her one of thoseyou’re a hundred percent rightshrugs. “Periodically, I might have been.”

“Do you take medication now for sleeping?”

“I tried a few things in college, but by then, I was used to having to function during the day even when I was exhausted. My parents didn’t want to medicate me when I was just a kid. They left the decision up to me after I turned fourteen. I was scared of taking something regularly because I thought it would make me less me. And when I got to college, it got bad. Probably, the stress was a trigger. I tried the meds that work for other people, but I never liked any of them. I didn’t feel less like me. I just felt like I couldn’t wake up in the morning, and then it took me half the day to be able to function. I take the natural stuff now. I found a brand that works. And I’ve developed a routine where I work out and have mechanisms to deal with stress. I also meditate regularly. But enough about me. Do you want a drink?”

“Do you have wine?”

Shit. Here I am, admitting that her surprise is indoor camping in my living room, and she’s into it, but I forgot the wine and snacks. “I may have…uh…overlooked the adult drinks thing. But I have water. Sparkling water, flavored water, flavors I can add to water, water I can make sparkling…”

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