Page 26 of Exposed

Simon is awake yet again and fussing in his crib, so I surrender to starting my day. Shani wags her tail, eager for breakfast.

“Shh, buddy. I’ve got you,” I whisper as I pick up Simon. He smiles at me, and my heart skips a beat. I only met him yesterday, but my heart already feels three sizes bigger with the love I have for him.

Trying to be quiet so I don’t wake Pepper, I change Simon’s diaper, then strap him in his carrier on my chest so I can make breakfast.

My mornings usually consist of lifting in my workout room and running with Shani on the beach. Yesterday, I bought a jogging stroller, but Simon is too tiny for it now.I’ll have to ask the doctor about that. Looks like working out in my room will be happening a lot until Simon is older.

I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that I’m a dad. My entire life will look different from here on out.

For years, I imagined having a family with my girlfriend Grace. When she passed away, all thoughts of becoming a dad died along with her.

All those thoughts have been resurrected. Except now, I’m going to be raising my kid on my own. I never thought I’d be a single parent.

This crap is too deep to think about on an empty stomach. Grabbing eggs and bacon from the fridge, I whip up breakfast for Pepper and me.

“When can you eat food, little dude? I’ll ask your doctor. In the meantime, you’ve gotta tell me what I did wrong last night.”

I don’t know what to do differently. Simon was cozy in his new pj’s, he had a clean diaper and a full tummy. The only thing I can think of is that it’s a new place for him. Most of the night was spent rocking him back to sleep after he woke up what seemed like a hundred times.

The overnight feedings are killer. I have to find an easier way to get his formula prepared during the night feedings.

“We’ll figure it out, Simon,” I think out loud and run my fingers over the fine, soft blonde hair on his head. “Last night was rough, but it’s probably because you’re in a new place, huh? Tonight, you’ll feel better. I’ve got to work, but my mom and dad will be with you. My mom will put youto bed. She’s better than I am. You’ll sleep like a… actually, don’t sleep like a baby. Sleep like a full grown adult who’s exhausted and sleeps through the whole night.”

Simon watches me speak, then smiles. My heart stops. “Did you just smile at me? You did. You like hearing Daddy’s voice, don’t you?”

He likes me. I’m going to get a lifetime more smiles from him. Losing sleep suddenly doesn’t seem so bad when my son smiles at me like I’m his whole world.

I finish breakfast while singing to Simon, then fix a plate for Pepper.

A few minutes later, I hear rustling in the guest bathroom. I hope I didn’t wake her up.

Pepper drops her backpack off at the front door before coming into the kitchen. I don’t like that she takes her belongings with her every day like she’s ready to make a run for it at a moment’s notice. Everyone deserves a sense of safety, but I think Pepper feels danger around every corner.

When I watched her those few weeks when we worked the same events, I felt like she was special. She stirred my heart and made me feel things I haven’t in years.

After Grace died, I doubted I’d be able to love again. But with Pepper, I want to put myself out there again. I want to give her something real. Something deep, and not just deep like my cock inside of her. I like her, maybe more than I’m ready to admit. I want to connect with her in a way no one’s connected with her before.

“I’m sorry,” are the first words out of her mouth as she walks into the kitchen where I’m currently nursing a cup of coffee and patting Simon’s back with my free hand.

She looks braced for my anger, and I’m confused.

“Why are you sorry?”

“I started my period last night and bled on your sheets. Not a lot. I already washed the spot with cold water and soap and most of it came out. I’ll wash them today.”

“No worries. I’ve got stain remover,” I say nonchalantly. I hate that her past experiences and relationships have left her expecting people to be angry at her.

“Really? Right, okay. Thanks,” she responds, nodding her head.

“Do you need pads or something?” I ask.

“I can’t believe you just asked me that,” she giggles nervously. “And no. I have some from last month. I started a day early, so I wasn't expecting it this morning.”

“I’m not easily embarrassed. I had a serious girlfriend, so I’ve bought my share of that stuff,” I explain.

“Oh. Sorry it didn’t work out with your girlfriend,” she says softly.

I’m quiet for a moment before I respond. “Thanks.”

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