Page 22 of Love Me

Chapter 12

After double-checking the invitation list for Diana’s next soiree at the gallery, I took a break in the back alley. I dialed my mother.

“I almost forgot my daughter had a phone,” Regina said. I smirked.

“It’s been a while, hasn’t it?” I said. “You usually call me quicker than that.”

“Rupert’s been taking up all of my phone time. You know how it is.” I imagined my mother winking at Rupert who was, no doubt, watching her take the phone call. I wouldn’t be surprised if they were naked in bed together right then. As long as she was happy with him, I didn’t care what they did.

“What’s going on?” she asked, concern in her voice.

“How did you know you wanted to have me?” My voice squeaked as I asked this, as if my vocal cords knew it was an awkward question. “You know, when you found out you were pregnant.”

“I just knew,” she said. That wasn’t helpful. “I knew I wanted to be your mother. There was nothing in the world I wanted more.”

“Not even Grayson?” I asked.

She chuckled. “I wanted him to be a part of our lives, but you can’t force that on anyone.” No, you couldn’t. No matter how hard my mother had begged or cried, Grayson was only ever around long enough to piss me off and hurt my mother. “He told me he didn’t want kids from the beginning, but you can’t help it when it happens anyway.”

“I always thought you had me so he’d stay with you.”

“Like I ripped the condom on purpose?”

I blushed, realizing it was a rude assumption. “Sort of.”

“You were a surprise to both of us,” she said. “And I thought he’d be a good father, and I still think he would have. It just wasn’t the right time for him.” She paused, and I could see her dreamily looking out the window at the same blue sky I was looking at above the city buildings. “When he was finally ready for a family, he couldn’t have kids.”

Grayson, ready for a family? That was hard to believe. “What?” I asked.

“With his wife. It’s none of my business though.” She shuffled, changing the phone from one hand to the other. “The point is, Riley, that you have to do what’s right for you. Are you and Owen thinking of having children?”

“Mom!”

“I’m only asking.”

And I knew that if I told anyone, I could tell my mother. She would understand better than anyone what I was going through.

“I’m pregnant,” I said.

“How far along?” she gasped.

“Not sure.”

“A surprise?”

“A shock, really.” I looked at the door, wondering how much time I had left on my break. I didn’t want to stop talking to my mother yet. I wanted to confess my fears to her, and I wanted her to hug me in her arms to tell me it was going to be okay. “I’m afraid Owen will leave,” I said. “What if he’s just like Grayson? What if he regrets moving with me?”

“Owen doesn’t seem the type to scare easily.”

“He’s not, but—”

“But you never know with a child, do you? Remember that you have to do what’s right for you, Riley. Not Owen. Not anyone but yourself.”

I knew what I was going to do, but to say it out loud would make it more real. I took a deep breath. “I’m going to have this baby,” I said, “I have to.”

“And I’ll be the happiest grandmother on Earth!”

“Owen doesn’t know,” I said. “So you can’t let on that you know anything, okay?”

“What? Do you think I’m going to show up with mountains of baby gifts like an overeager grandmother?”

I imagined her in a crowded elevator, surrounded by presents, as she came up to our condo. That seemed about right. “Yep,” I said.

“Oh, Riley. I can wait.”

Part of me was relieved that I had made a firm decision. Life would figure itself out around pregnancy and motherhood, even if it meant everything inside of my life would be rearranged. I knew I had to tell Owen eventually, but I wanted to savor these last sweet moments alone for a little while longer.

After the appointment, I would tell him. So we had six weeks left.

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