I shrugged. “Somewhere. Nowhere,” I said. As I drove down the neighborhood streets, anxiety pooled in my veins, filling me up with tension. With each traffic light I passed, my body felt as if it was growing heavier, pressuring me, making it feel as though I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t figure out why I was so upset, but all I knew was that I had to keep going. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sit still, not when I felt like this.
The security guard ushered me in. I pulled up the long driveway, turned off the engine, and stared at the house. I didn’t even know if Owen was in there. I hadn’t heard from him since the night before the funeral.
With each step I took, it was like sinking into quicksand, drowning in my emotions. I stood on the doorstep, unable to knock on the door. What the hell am I doing here? I thought. Trying to think of an answer made my eyes heavy with tears.
Owen opened the door, standing there in jeans. I blinked the tears away. The hair on his chest trailed down his body, making me remember how it felt to have the soft hair pressed against my skin. His green eyes looked down at me. I felt desperately angry that I didn’t understand what his blank expression meant.
“Did you do it?” I asked. I could feel my voice cracking. “Did you get me into the program?”
The tears came then, quickly. It only took one drop to unleash the rest. Why am I crying? I wondered. Was it Owen dumping me? Was it that my father had died—something I had almost wished for years, and yet now that it was finally true, I didn’t feel relieved at all? That my father left me an inheritance for reasons I would never know? That I had gotten into a program I had worked so hard for, and yet now that it was here, I felt as if I didn’t deserve it? That my acceptance was another cruel trick? Or was it that even after everything, the only person I wanted to turn to was Owen, the man who had dumped me and made me feel like all of the other women he had discarded? If I admitted it to myself, I was relieved to see him, even if I knew I shouldn’t be. Gasps escaped from my mouth, and my back heaved relentlessly with each loud sob. I could barely breathe. Owen pulled me into his arms, holding me close. He nuzzled his nose into my hair.
“It was all you, Riley,” he said.