That’s when she turns those big blue eyes on me, swimming with tears.
“I wouldn’t have made it out if you hadn’t shown up, and we both know it.”
I bring her hand to my lips. I haven’t allowed myself to think about what might’ve happened, but I’m thinking about it now. Overwhelmed with it, actually.
My voice is hoarse, and not from the smoke, when I tell her, “We make a good team,” and gather her in my arms.
“I want to be a good mother.”
“You already are,” I mumble into her hair.
“I’m thinking maybe I should quit my job,” she throws out there.
I scoot back so I can look her in the eye.
“Wanna know what I think? I think you…make thatwe…have had an extremely fucked-up day, and we definitely should not be making any decisions or binding declarations until we’ve had at least a couple of normal days, and definitely a few solid nights.”
Bending down, I press a soft kiss to her lips.
“With perhaps one exception,” I add.
Then I take a deep breath before finally voicing what I should’ve told her eight years ago.
“I love you, Sloane Eckhart.”
Thirty
Sloane
“Aren’t you clever. Look at you.”
Aspen proudly rolls over and reaches for her favorite toy. Of course, that toy is immediately shoved into her mouth, where everything goes these days. She seems mighty pleased with herself as she smiles wide.
“She’s as determined as her mother.”
I glance over at Thomas, who is beaming a smile at my daughter. He is totally enamored with her, and given he never experienced the joys of grandchildren, I’m more than happy to have him claim standing as her great-grandfather. Aspen is going to grow up with a big family.
We’re sitting out on the porch of the big house, enjoying a beautiful fall afternoon, and watching Alex working with a fearful horse in the corral. Her ability to communicate with these animals is something to behold.
Mom is inside with Ama, hanging out in the kitchen, and probably talking about me. It’s been a little over a week since she got here and—even though she hasn’t brought it up with me—I’m guessing she’s struggling to figure out what to do. She has a flight back home to Panama and Steve on Sunday, which is only four days away.
I know she’s worried about me in a variety of ways. Two weeks ago that would’ve annoyed, even upset me. As I sit here today, I understand, because I have some concerns myself.
What happened up on that mountain has given me cause for a lot of thought. My first response had been reactive and I’m grateful to Dan for talking me down off that ledge, but even five days later, I still believe perhaps this job is not the right one for me. At least not while Aspen is this young.
“I can hear the wheels turning from here,” Thomas observes. “I’ll be sittin’ in this chair until Ama tells me dinner is ready anyway, so you might as well talk to me.”
I hide my grin. I’ve always liked Jonas’s father, who is a straight shooter.
“Not even sure where to start. I came here about a month ago now, aiming to get my life together, and I’m not sure I’ve accomplished much of anything.”
“You mean, other than catch a serial killer?” the old man interrupts.
I open my mouth to point out that was at the very least a joint effort, but decide against it. His point is still valid.
“I guess there’s that,” I give him. “But the question is; should I even be trying to catch dangerous criminals if I don’t even have something as basic as a house or childcare organized for my daughter?”
I turn to look at Aspen, who still seems happy enough on her play blanket with her toys.