“So, you really do want a future with me?” I smile, leaning forward into him, watching the way his lips move as he speaks. He’s so handsome.God, I’m obsessed with him.“I want that too.” I say, almost dreamily.
“Of course I do.” He takes my free hand in his, before plucking the wine glass out of my hand and setting it aside. I nibble my bottom lip feeling the wine and warm water surrounding me. I feel safe and comforted.
Happy.
I’ve been living in blissful denial since Slater came out of hospital, but secretly, inside, I’ve been waiting for the shoe to drop. For him to get bored or decide I’m not enough and leave.
I love him, but I’ve been waiting for us to burn out. For him to realize I’m not what he needs. The reassurance feels so good.I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of hearing him tell me he wants me.
“But, that can’t happen unless we start being open and honest with each other, Cora. You do understand that, right?” The way he stares into my eyes, like he’s worried his words won’t be enough to get through to me, ultimately makes me cave.
I slowly nod, knowing that he’s right, but hating it all the same. Why can’t I carry on living in my little bubble of bliss? The past is painful. My own past is a nightmare, but I know the tragedy Slater has suffered, and digging that up feels like opening a deep wound.
“Don’t you have questions?” Slater asks, sounding a little exasperated with me. I stare at the water and don’t meet his gaze. I hold his hands tighter, wanting him to know I’m trying. I want to be here for him, but I don’t know if I’m ready to face the truth. These unresolved feelings have a way of haunting you though. Time to woman up, as much as I freaking hate it. I must take too long to think of my question, because Slater pushes again.
“Do you want to know why I did it?” His tone is firm, but not harsh. He’s not going to give up. Maybe it’s time to stop being so selfish. It’s clear Slater needs to have this conversation. Why am I so stubborn?
Do I want to know why he did what he did? No. Because ever since I found out the masked man was Slater, so manyreasons whyhave circled around and around in my head, and I just can’t comprehend an answer where it’s anything other thanbecause you made it too easy, Cora…
Was I an easy target? Was I just there, available? Could I have been any other girl?
The sharp pain in my chest has me second guessing my resolve to have this conversation, and I tug my hands away from his. I don’t want to hear him say those words.
“It’s getting cold in here.” I murmur with a shiver that’s not entirely forced. “I might get out.”
“Cora.” The firmness in Slater’s voice stops me in my tracks. “We’re doing this.”
There’s nothing to hide behind as he stares into my eyes intently, but that doesn’t stop me from gathering the remaining bubbles in my arms and pulling them toward my chest in some futile attempt at comfort.
“There’s a lot to unpack,” Slater says softly. “I’ve been a bit unsure where to start.”
I risk peeking at him through my lashes when he says that. Slater’s always come across as so confident, but I can hear something in his voice that makes me pause. Is he…worried?
“I love you,” I mumble, trying to reassure him that nothing he says will change that. But I think it just comes off pathetic and needy.
“I’ve always wanted you, Cora. From the first time we met.” I frown at his confession but don’t interrupt. “From the first day in the park when you didn’t shy away from me being volatile to the other children, I wanted you as a friend. When our parents started dating and eventually married and moved us all in together, I thought it was amazing that we could be friends and live together, and then you became my sister too. That’s probably when things started to get a little more confusing.”
“You never treated me like a sister.”
“You never felt like a sister. No matter how much our parents tried to insist that’s what we were, it never felt like that.”
I look up at him. “Because we were friends?”
Slater shakes his head. “Because you were my first crush. But instead of growing out of it, it developed into an obsession.”
“Okaaay.” My cheeks feel flush, and it’s nothing to do with the wine or the heat in the bathroom, which hasn’t diminished atall. I was lying before, trying to get out of what I knew would be a painfully awkward conversation.
What do you say when you find out that your stepbrother-turned-boyfriend is the masked man who has been stalking and violating you? Especially when you just don’t care all that much. But most importantly, when you’ve grown to crave it. To need it.
“You were pretty awful to me as we grew older,” I point out. His actions before all this do not speak of someoneobsessed.
“First, I didn’t know how to handle my feelings for you. Everyone kept saying you were my sister, but I wasn’t feeling very brotherly toward you. Then, there was my father’s interest in you. Even right at the start I could tell it wasn’t healthy, and I thought maybe if there was distance between us, he might back off and leave you alone. Then, there was H-Heather.” He stumbles a little saying her name, and it’s the push I need to fully engage in the conversation.
I sit up, lean forward, and place my hand over his heart. There’s pain in his gaze, which I hate, but there’s gratitude too.No more hiding, Cora. If you want this to work you need to stop running. Lady the fuck up. Be the woman he deserves. The woman that put an end to his abuser…
“She ruined me and fucked my head up the summer she got her claws into me, and I was never the same again.”
I nod, knowing exactly which summer he’s referring to. He went away for the whole break, and I never saw him once. Then, when he returned, the change in him was remarkable. He was like a stranger once we went back to school. That’s when his friends started being mean to me, and he never did a thing to stop them.