I run my fingers through my hair. “I…I can’t stop thinking about the other night, at the event,” I admit.
Matteo’s gaze sharpens, and he doesn’t say anything for a moment. Finally, he sighs, crossing his arms. “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about that too. What was all that?”
“We were just trying to get back at her,” I mutter.
Matteo turns back to his food, silent for a long moment. “So what were you hoping to accomplish?”
His question throws me off. I stare, the words stuck in my throat. What did I want to accomplish? I’d thought it was about protecting the frat, about getting Tessa to back off once and for all. But now, sitting here, I can’t come up with a real answer. Not one that makes any sense.
“I…I don’t know,” I admit, my voice quieter than I want it to be. “We thought it would work. We thought it would finally get her to leave us alone.”
Matteo turns, his jaw tightening, eyes narrowing. “Did you think humiliating her like that would make her stop? Or did you just want to tear her down because it made you feel better in the moment?”
His words hit harder than I expect, and I look away, ashamed. I don’t have an answer. Not a good one, anyway. What had we accomplished by doing this? We didn’t protect Sigma Theta. We just…hurt her for no reason other than the fact that we could.
Matteo shakes his head, clearly not satisfied with my silence. “You’re better than this, Devin. We all are. Or at least, we should be.”
I nod, but I don’t feel better. “I’m just sick of feeling jerked around by that woman,” I complain. “Every time we try to give her a chance, she ends up making a fool of us.”
“Does she?” Matteo asks, holding out a spoon for me. I open my mouth and taste the chili. “Tell me if it needs anything,” he adds.
“Could use a bit more heat,” I tell him. “And some more garlic?”
He nods and turns back to the pot, seasoning it the way I suggested. “You know, Valencia and I had a lot to work through at the beginning of our relationship,” he says as he stirs the food. “She was one of the girls that those pricks took advantage of. She was reluctant to get close to me at first because of it. And it was hard for her to trust me.”
I had forgotten that he and Valencia met amid all the trial stuff. “What did you do?” I ask.
“She pulled away a lot, but I gave her space to come back to me. When she felt like she was ready, she opened up about what happened. Was it hard to hear? Yes, but I tried never to make it about myself.”
“So you think we’re taking Tessa’s lack of trust personally?” I ask, trying to figure out where he’s going with his story.
“I think that Tessa was heavily involved in everything that happened,” he says, his tone careful and measured. “I think that even if she wasn’t one of the victims, she worked closely with them and heard their stories.”
I consider this. It must have been difficult to hear about all that horrible stuff over and over for every interview.
Matteo clears his throat, continuing. “I think she’s been trying to protect herself from getting hurt, understandably so, and maybe she hasn’t gone about it the right way. But she’s probably ready to write us all off now, thinking that we’re the same as those bastard ex-brothers who got away with hurting people for so long.”
Matteo is probably right. His words are brutally truthful, hard to hear, but exactly what I needed. We’ve been assholes and it’s not surprising that Tessa wants to hurt us.
“Fuck, we totally screwed up, didn’t we?” I ask, turning the thought over in my mind. “I can’t believe we let ourselves get socarried away.” I bury my head in my hands, groaning as I realize how badly the situation has gotten away from us.
Matteo taps me on the shoulder. “Try this,” he says, holding the spoon out. I take a bite and my eyes water, the spice level much, much stronger now.
“Shit,” I wheeze out, grabbing for my water bottle. I take a long swig and put it down. “Could use more spice,” I joke, voice hoarse.
“Good. Valencia likes spicy food,” Matteo says with a wide grin.
“I’m going to head out,” I tell him. “Need to get the taste of burning tongue out of my mouth.” I think I’m also going to find Tessa and see if I can start making amends. Matteo nods.
“Good luck,” he says, waving me off. I know he knows that I’m going to go find Tessa so I thank him and head out the door.
It’s cold this evening, a layer of snow on the ground and I feel it crunch underfoot as I walk across campus to her dorm. The air bites through my jacket, making me pull it tighter around me.
When I finally reach Tessa’s dorm, I stand there for a moment, my breath fogging in the air, nerves gnawing at me. I’ve been here before, but it feels different now. I knock and wait, hoping I can find the right words.
The door opens just a crack. Tessa’s standing there, but something’s off. Her eyes dart past me, like she’s worried someone else might be watching.
“Tessa,” I say quietly, trying to meet her gaze. “Can we talk? Please.”