Page 5 of Silent Night with Massimo

"Don't you fucking dare talk about the son I lost," I snarl, darker than ever.

"I think the doctors lied to us. I don't think he was stillborn. I think someone took him." She blurts out, speaking fast with so much emotion in her voice that I struggle to hear her clearly.

"You are telling me you think he is alive?" I say, stunned.

"Yes." She whispers.

"How certain are you?"

"I'm not certain. But how can I ignore it even if there is just a chance of it being true."

For a moment, I can't think. My head is spinning.

My child—our baby with Vera. The one we never got to hold, never touched, never even saw. They rushed him away the moment he was born, an emergency.

The baby we thought we lost at birth. And now she's trying to tell me he's alive? After all these years, he's been alive?"

"This is a sick fucking way to get my attention, Vera. We buried our son. We put him to rest in the ground." I growl darkly.

"Massimo, you know I wouldn't say this if I didn't believe it. I wouldn't do that to you or myself. I honestly think he's still alive. We never even saw his body. We buried a box. I should have asked to hold him; I should have asked to see him - even though - I should have just asked." She is crying harder now, and I can see she believes what she is saying. But how can I trust her?

I take a step away from her. This is too much.

My son would be six this year. Six years of not knowing his father.

Six years of being where? With who?

I can't do this.

Walking out of the cellar I hear her call my name, but I can't deal with this or her.

I have to think.

Chapter 3

Vera

Through the narrow cracks of the small window in the cellar lockup, I can hear a loud whistle of ice-cold wind rushing in.

The window is on the ground level, just above the walkway outside the back of the house, where they hang the clothes to dry during the summer.

I haven't heard anyone walking past it yet. No one has any reason to go into the backyard when it's so cold outside. The children will all play in the front garden around the frozen fountain when they arrive, building snowmen and throwing snowballs at each other.

I sigh heavily. My heart is aching. I knew this would not be an easy thing to do. I was fully aware that Massimo wouldn't be entirely open to hearing from me - but I didn't expect him to look at me like he hated me, even after all these years.

Why wouldn't he hate me though?

He still believes I betrayed him.

He has every right to hate me. And he has every right not to believe a word I say.

All I remind him of is the love we once had—and the child we lost. That pain cut so deep, I thought I'd never stop crying, that I'd never survive it. But somehow, I did.

I lost Massimo, my child, and everything I knew - all at the same time.

After my exile I've spent the last six years completely removed from everything - everyone I loved and everything familiar to me. My life has felt empty, and solitude has broken me down. But it also showed me just how strong I am. How love can drive you forward.

I could have moved on. I could have accepted my fate and met someone new. But I didn't want to.

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