Page 84 of Outback Reunion

Gabi took the bottle and poured. ‘I try my best but fail on a regular basis.’

‘Youfail? How on earth can you think you’re failing?’

‘Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done—and the best, don’t get me wrong.’ She didn’t want him to think she regretted having Luna; she might have lots of regrets, but her beautiful, sweet girl wasn’t one of them. ‘It’s like every decision I make can stuff her up. Or worse. It’s terrifying. And now...’ She glanced over at her sleeping angel. ‘She’s only got me, and I try my best, but... I’m scared I’m not enough.’

The pressure sometimes felt overwhelming.

‘She’s damn lucky to have you and I reckon Dante would be proud of how you’re coping. You’re more than enough, but what about his parents? Don’t they help at all?’

‘Yeah, they do. They’re amazing.’ She passed him a glass, then lifted hers to clink against his. ‘Cheers.’

As she took a long, much-needed sip from her tumbler, he said, ‘It can’t be easy dealing with your own grief and theirs.’

Her own grief. The guilt gathered like a ball of cement in her stomach.

‘Is that him?’ Mark asked, pointing over to the photo on the bedside table.

She nodded. ‘I wouldn’t have it there if it wasn’t for Luna.’

‘Too painful?’

Her grip tightened on the tumbler. She couldn’t go on letting him think she was a mourning widow. ‘Yeah... but not in the way you’re thinking. Did you say you had cheese or something?’

She’d eaten after the show but had nervous energy to burn.

‘Yep.’ He stood to go get the bag. ‘You got something to put it on? I forgot to bring a platter or anything.’

A platter?She stifled a laugh. They no longer even had matching plates in the caravan—Dante had got angry one night and smashed a few—but she found a wooden chopping board and a small knife that would do the trick.

‘Do you wanna sit?’ She gestured to the tiny table, and they sat down on the booth seats on either side.

Mark opened the circle of brie he’d bought, she immediately sliced off a chunk—not even bothering with a cracker—and popped it into her mouth.

‘God, that’s good,’ she moaned, closing her eyes as the flavours melted on her tongue. It was almost as good as sex. Actually, it was way better than sex with Dante, but nothing could be as good as sex with Mark. She reckoned sex with Mark could provide all the sustenance she’d need for life.If only.

He chuckled. ‘Sounds like you’ve never had brie before.’

‘Dante never let me buy anything like this. He’d have had a coronary if he saw the contents of your bag.’

‘What do you mean he didn’t let you?’ There was an edge to Mark’s voice as he lifted a cracker with cheese to his mouth.

‘He didn’t want me to get fat.’

‘He what?’

‘Shh.’ She pressed a finger to her lips as she glanced towards the bed. ‘You need to keep fit for what we do. My looks, body and image are important.’

‘Sure.’ He nodded. ‘It’s the same in my line of work—well, my old line of work—but aren’t you old enough to monitor your own diet?’

Gabi nodded, biting down the ridiculous urge to defend her husband. The more distance she had from him, the more she realised how wrong their relationship had been.

‘I’m also old enough to have my own phone,’ she said, ‘but Dante never let me. He said I didn’t need one. That I didn’t have anyone to call except him. When I was scheduling circus promotions on socials, he’d look over my shoulder the whole time to make sure I wasn’t messaging anyone. I couldn’t even speak to another man—a circus employee or anyone in the audience—without him accusing me of wanting to fuck them. This is his old phone. I took it when he died, but he was right, I don’t have anyone to call.’

‘You’ve got me.’

Her stomach tumbled at Mark’s sweet words, but she couldn’t allow herself to get swept off her feet.

‘That’s coercive control, you know.’

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