Page 14 of Waiting for Gilbert

I’m neither.

“This had better be important.” He answers with weak, slurred words. Maybe I woke him this time.

“Mark! You were right. Renting this cottage might be the worst, most impulsive decision I’ve ever made.”

He groans as one might while rolling over in bed. “Aside from the decision to move across the state earlier today?”

“That one didn’t seem so bad because my plan was to crash at Diana’s.”

“Whatever, because you love to be woken by a pack of kids at dawn.” He stifles a yawn. “How and where were you going to work at Diana’s?”

“Mark, staaahhhp, I know. That’s why I’m here instead. Renting a cottage. You prove my point entirely. The idea of acottagewas so charming.” I swipe at a dust bunny that looks ready to sprout fangs. “How was I to know it was a crumbling beast?”

His quiet laugh comforts me through my neon earbuds. “Really? I thought it was a tiny one-bedroom hovel. I’m looking it up.” My cousin’s positive energy comes through the call like it always does. He doesn’t berate me for waking him up, and I relax into the familiarity of our relationship.

“It was an under the table deal.” I blow a stray hair from my eyes. “Word of mouth. Friend of a friend. You won’t find it posted anywhere.”

“Have you paid anything for it yet? Just move out.”

“Diana’s kids were sick and I desired to avoid the plague. Besides, I signed the papers for twelve months and handed over a check for the security deposit and first month’s rent this evening.”

His chuckle turns into a burst of laughter.

“Okay, Mark.” I chuck my rag into the sink and squat near the faucet to rinse it out. His laughter increases at my admonishment. “You can stop. Haha, so funny. Layers of dirt on the shelves I can handle. It’s not as bad as I made it sound.”

“You signed a twelve-month lease sight unseen?”

“Have you looked at available real estate for Hadley Springs? There’snothingnear Hadley Springs.”

He fills the pause with a tongue clicking rhythm that sounds suspiciously like “Deck the Halls.”

“Aha,” he says. “Found one. There’s a studio above a garage… oh, no. You do not want that place.”

I shake out my rag and refold it before shuffling along the counter to the next shelf. “I saw that one. Besides the obvious ax murderer living below, it’s still forty miles from Diana. I may as well move to Omaha if I’m not going to be near family. I want the quaint village, Mark. I’m in my Anne Girl era, and I need to set the stage.”

He chimes in with the appropriate “I’m listening but don’t care” hums on the other end.

“I’ll have to embrace an insane amount of floor scrubbing. Maybe I’m in a Marilla Cuthbert era instead. This cottage is like a lemur. You say ‘aww’ and want to pet it until you remember it’s still a wild animal.” My once white dishcloth is gray and I dump it into the sink again. “Then it comes at you with its mouth open and you get a momentary glimpse of its razor sharp teeth before it clamps on your jugular.”

“You could take it. Swing your massive purse and pummel it mid-flight. It’s dual-action. Club or shield.”

I rest my forehead against the cabinet as a wave of exhaustion passes through me. “What’s wrong with me, Mark? Why do I do things like this?”

“Cheer up, Cordy, it’s not the most impulsive thing you’ve ever done. What about pledge week in Kristy’s jeep when Stacy’s grandad pulled you over for suspected intoxication?”

“Omigosh Mark, how did you hear about that?” My head pops up and I look around even though I know I’m alone. “You know I was completely sober, as was everyone else in the jeep,” I whisper-yell. “That was—” Math hurts my brain. I rinse my rag as I think. I’m twenty-eight, graduated six years ago, four years at college. Oh, duh. “—ten years ago, and I never told a soul. It was not impulsive. That was pledge week. Had to.” Finished with this section, I scoot all the way down the counter.

“Rude.” Mark is fully awake now. “I, for a fact, have a soul, and you, for a fact, told me about it. And you neverhaveto do anything. There’s always a choice. Like signing this lease. You did that all on your own.”

I have no memory of telling Mark about pledge week. Sure, I remember the incident in the jeep. We were supposed to drive the loop three times blaring Relient K’s “Sadie Hawkins Dance” while only wearing our bras and panties and then we’d get our clothes back, but we were laughing so hard that I was pulled over for drinkingeven though I wasn’t. I thought Stacy was going to melt into a flaming puddle of embarrassment in the back seat when the lights flashed behind us.

Sheriff Bellinger must have seen this stunt during pledge week before because he vaulted away from my window with a scowl and a warning to “be careful and quit messing around.” He followed us back to campus to make sure of it. Oh, the good old days… butthismess…

Sneezing once, I teeter on the edge of the counter and grab the cabinet door for support. It creaks against my weight. I should have waited. Ishouldhave waited!

Blehhh, I could have at least looked at the place before signing papers.

Who even does that? Oh, yep.Me. I’m the problem. I raise my hand in the dingy kitchen while the chorus from Taylor’s ever-present song bursts from my lips.

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