“You’ll wait for me?” I stood, and my heart raced faster as I knew what was coming. “I didn’t want to be alone and…”I exhaled a long whoosh. “I’m so damn nervous, Hailey. So scared.”
“Okay. Okay,” she said, taking my hand and leading me toward her bathroom. “I can tell. No need to panic yet. First things first. See if there is something to be nervous about first. You’ll feel better knowing, right?”
I winced, walking with her. “I don’t know. Will I?”
She cringed. “I think I would feel better knowing. The worry of a guessing game would drive me insane.”
Yeah. It does. Itisdriving me insane.
Just knowing that Hailey was out in the hallway helped. I wasn’t alone. And if I was carrying my boss’s baby right now, she would be an ally I could lean on.
I followed the instructions and peed on the sticks. It was overkill, but I did every brand of the tests I bought. By the time I washed my hands and picked them up to bring them out to her so we could check them together, one was already processed. Maybe it was a rapid test. Or something.
All I knew was that the plus sign meant it was a positive. No doubt about it.
I almost dropped the whole handful of sticks as I squealed.
In surprise. Shock. Fear. Any or all of the above.
“What? Loren? What did you say?”
I grabbed the doorknob and thrust the already done test for her to see before I got out.
“Oh, my God,” she said slowly, taking the stick by the clean handle as I passed her by.
My heart raced as I exited the bathroom. In a daze, I returned to her living room. I couldn’t think. I could only feel shock and numbing fear.
I was pregnant.
Pregnant!
Me. I am pregnant.
It was a sobering discovery on its own. Knowing it was Matt’s child, though, made it so much more alarming. It was scarier, more meaningful, and just so much more to process.
What would he think? How will he feel? Is he going to be happy about this? Or mad?
The only things I knew about Matt’s views on parenthood was that he had no experience. He was clueless about babies, almost as much as I was.
He hadn’t given me any indication that he’d want to have a child anytime soon. Not with me, at least. We seemed prone to losing control with each other out of an instant brand of lust. Not love. Not because we wanted a family. We weren’t even a couple!
“Oh, fuck.” I covered my face with my hands, stunned that this was my life. That when I embraced all the changes happening in my life, changes I had tried to make happen,thiswould be one of them. That I’d need to shift from being a single adult in the city to a soon-to-be mother.
“Hey, it’s okay. It will be okay. Totally surprising and not what I expected today, but ohmigod! Loren! You’re going to have ababy!” She dropped onto the couch right next to me so she could pull me in for a big, squeezing hug.
She was definitely one of those baby-crazy kinds of women, because as she realized I was sinking into a numb state of shock, she rambled on and on, talking me down from the ledge of panic. It all seemed like too much to absorb. So many details and things to do and what to plan for and just… all of it. I was overwhelmed, but she remained at my side, calm and sure that I could handle this all, even as a single mom if I had to.
I refused to tell her that Matt was the father. I could skirt by and never tellherwho the father was. But he would know. He damn well would know. The moment he did the math, he’d be clued in to the fact that the timing would prove him to be my baby’s daddy.
My boss.
My baby daddy boss.
It didn’t sound right at all. I couldn’t believe that I was a statistic, a single woman knocked up from a one-night stand.
In order to see if he might be open to the idea of being something more, I had to broach the topic of us already on our way to becoming parents.
I cringed, comforted by Hailey’s comfort and company but in the back of my mind, tormented with the thought that I had to share this life-changing news with Matt.