“Ursula whined again about my working too much. About how I never gave her enough time. That I vetoed all the vacations she wanted to plan for us.” John shook his head. “All on my dime, which, whatever. I don’t care. But she had no drive. Nothing. She just wanted to be a kept woman and do… nothing.”

“It doesn’t sound like you’re compatible.”Which I told you the first time you introduced her to me…

“No. I guess I was hoping she might be.” He shrugged. “But I guess that’s how it goes. Some people click and others don’t. I won’t change who I am for a woman. I like my job. I feel fulfilled to have my career and excel at it. It doesn’t ‘trap’ me and ‘suck the life out of me’.”

I chuckled along with him. In the back of my mind, though, I realized how I’d found a treasure in Loren. I was setting myself up for disappointment to assume Loren could be mine, or stay mine. But I wanted to be optimistic that she wouldn’t try to deny that we were good together. That we could be good together for a long time.

That we could have a future. Screw her claim aboutnothing more. That was fear talking.

Loren was that kind of career-driven woman I wanted in my life. She was brilliant and ambitious, and both of those traits were sexy as all get out. She wasn’t idle. And so independent.

The more I thought about her, the more I wanted to speak with her. To explain that the preview I gave her in the conference room was a sample of how it could be with us. That instead of sneaking in stolen, forbidden moments at the office, we could look forward to the guarantee of having each other at home.

I wanted to experience everything with her. A relationship. A domestic one, too. Hell, if I let myself daydream that deep and that far, I could get used to the idea that she could fit in my life as something like what my grandmother had suggested.

The mother of my children.

The wife I called my Mrs.

I had to talk to her soon, and definitely before I told John. It didn’t seem like Tom had hurried to tell John, and it seemed like a grace period.

As soon as she’s in the office tomorrow, we have to talk.

Because if Loren could be on board with my wistful thoughts about a long commitment with me, I wanted it to start now.

17

LOREN

Late Sunday morning, as soon as I felt confident that my stomach wouldn’t threaten another upheaval, I went to the nearest drugstore and grabbed a few pregnancy tests. They all looked the same, yet not, and I felt overwhelmed with the choices. Didn’t they all use the same science? Wasn’t it an identical process?

My confusion might have been rooted in a sense of panic, that I was actually buying a test to see if I’d gotten knocked up. It seemed surreal that this could be me and this was happening in my life. This sort of stuff happened to others, not me.

I couldn’t help but assume the same general feeling of naivety that I felt when I went over the product descriptions for the Gammon baby products that the team was working on. I had no experience withanythingbaby-related, even in the potential pre-baby stage.

Floundering and feeling out of my comfort zone, I purchased three different brands and then called Hailey. It had to be better going through this with someone else. Hailey was a good friend, but also as I was coming to learn, a huge office gossip. I wouldn’t be able to tell her who the baby’s dad was. I hadn’t thought thatfar ahead yet. When it came to Matt, it seemed I didn’t think at all. I let my body do all the deciding.

She’d ask. Of course, she’d ask who the father could be. And I’d have to hedge. I’d need to tell her that I wasn’t ready to share that information with her—yet. If I was going to be expecting a child, there was no chance I’d give it up. No abortions or adoptions from me.

If this was a false alarm, though, and it was just another situation of my periods being weird and skipping, I didn’t want to have to reveal my headache about Matt without needing to. If I wasn’t pregnant, I didn’t have to tell her that I'd slept with him at all.

That seemed so defeating, though, to keep it to myself. Like he was a dirty secret to keep hidden from the rest of the world. He was. It was forbidden on the basis that he was my boss.

But we can’t be theonlytwo people to hit it off there.Hailey said she’d dated a coworker, someone in the billing department, the first seven months she’d worked for Richards Consultation. And their supervisors knew.

Having him suck me in the conference room is a bit much, though.

I paid for the tests, feeling armed and dangerous as I left. Returning to my small studio felt daunting, and taking the tests there seemed so scary.

Mind made up, I called Hailey as I left the drugstore, already walking en route to her apartment that she shared with another woman who was out of town for the rest of the month.

“What’s up?” Hailey greeted.

“I’m coming over.”

She laughed once. “Sure!”

I closed my eyes and sighed. “I mean, can I come over?”