Page 34 of Never Forget You

Now, I just hope that my mother can work her magic and smooth all of this over because the last thing that I need is more trouble coming my way. I don’t need angry doctors on my back with everything else going on.

But I push all of that to the back of my brain and focus on Ella. I haven’t heard anything from anyone yet, not that I would have while I’ve been knocked out, and Ineedto know what’s going on. This is too much. The idea that Ella could be anywhere in the world now—I don’t know how long I’ve been out for—is scary.

I find a cab quickly, thank goodness. Something must be smiling down on me. I suddenly realize that this is a ride I will have to pay for, which gives me a moment of panic, but thank God, I have my wallet as well. This day has been an absolute shit show, so I’m glad to have some things going my way. I hope that this is a sign everything is going well on the other end as well. It would be great if the reason I haven’t heard from Georgia is because she’s with Ella and hasn’t even been thinking about me. I pray so desperately for that. Ineedthat.

The cab driver tries to make small talk with me as we drive, but I don’t pay him any attention. I don’t know how to. There areprobably some polite words there within me that I could get out if I really wanted to, but I’m too sucked into my brain right now. I can’t drag myself out of it to even make myself seem like a normal person.

He must assume that I’m too upset to talk because he eventually says nothing. He lets me wallow in silence as we drive. But somehow, even this is too much for me. It feels like the walls of the car are closing in on me and making it hard for me to breathe. I need to get out of here. I can’t stand it. I don’t know where the sensation is coming from, but it hits me hard and makes me ill. I’m sick to my stomach and want it to stop. Ineedit to stop.

“H–here,” I gasp out, just about forming words. “Drop me here. Please.”

“Are you sure?” the driver asks without slowing down for even a second. “Because we’re still a bit away.”

“Yeah, here.” My head is spinning, everything is tight and clenched. I can’t cope. “Here, please.”

The driver doesn’t stop right away. I guess he’s waiting for a safe place for us to pull over, but those few moments feel like a million years. I can’t get any air into my lungs. It’s killer. I practically fall out of the car the moment it stops. I toss a bill into the car to the driver, insisting that he keep the change, and I start to walk. I walk through the agony in my lungs, I walk through the pain which is starting to rocket through me once more because I suppose the pain killers are starting to wear off just a little bit. I don’t know how much longer I can keep going, but I know that I will. I’ll keep moving for as long as it takes for her. With Georgia at the forefront of my mind, I can do anything.

Every car that whizzes past me fills me with a moment of paranoia and panic. At first, I think that it might be the cops coming to arrest me for leaving the hospital before I’m allowed, which is ridiculous because I’m sure that the cops have much better things to do. My second thought is that it’s Ben just driving around with Ella, taunting everyone, and I’m letting him get away again. I was knocked out the first time around, and apparently stabbed as well, which I can believe more now with the scar on my stomach, so I didn’t see the moment that Ella was snatched, but that doesn’t make me feel any less responsible. Just as I will if he drives past me once more.

“He won’t be here now,” I growl at myself as a sharp reminder. “Who knows where he will be? But he won’t be here just trying to wind Georgia up… will he?” I suppose I don’t know what his intentions are. I wasn’t around all day long while he was upsetting Georgia, but from what I understood, he just wanted to take Ella away.

But I won’t let that happen, I refuse to let that happen. I refuse to let him keep her when she has such a good mom here. One who loves her daughter more than anything in the world. No, he can’t keep her. He can’t.

“I will help you, Ella.” I put my intentions out into the universe, hoping that it makes a difference. “I might not be any use to anyone right now. I’m all kinds of fucked up because of Ben, but I will do what I can.”

I don’t even feel angry now when I think of Ben, just worried about everyone else. He’s nothing. I don’t give a shit about him. He doesn’t exist to me, but what he’s done still exists and that’s a problem for me. For everyone.

It doesn’t even hit me that Georgia’s parents will be around. I almost forget all about that as I walk, but it must be there somewhere, reminding me that my presence might not be welcomed, reminding me that I might still be hated. It clings to me, it stays with me. Her father might make me leave again, he might take Georgia away from me, whether we are adults or not, but I suppose that’s just another bridge that I will have to cross when the time comes. There is no point in worrying because there’s nothing that I can do right now. Nothing but walk.

27

GEORGIA

“Mom, I can’t stand this anymore.” She might be trying to keep me calm, but it isn’t working. “They have been gone for ages. I can’t stand this. Why haven’t they found Ben yet? Why hasn’t he called? What’s happening?”

“No one has been in touch because they are all busy.” Her calmness is weird. How is she managing it? “They will be in touch with us as soon as they have news. You don’t need to panic. We just have to wait.”

I can’t hear her. I think that she knows right now that nothing will calm me down. She can’t possibly distract me from staring out the window like a madwoman, which is why she brings things back to family once more.

“You know, we need to start making our family stronger,” she declares, almost with pride in her voice. “We need to work on us. This has just proven it, hasn’t it? We shouldn’t all be in this mess. I know that you blame your father because of what happened with Ben, and I’m sure it doesn’t help me to tell you that he only wants what’s best for you.” I shake my head no. “Hedoes. Even if it hasn’t always seemed that way. It’s because he thought he was a good man who could look after you for life. Of course, he wouldn’t have suggested it had he seen his dark side.”

“It was more to do with his business than me, Mom, and you know it.” I roll my eyes. “He didn’t care about me.”

“I’m sad that you see it so negatively.” Mom really does look sad. “You and your father have had too much miscommunication in life. You need to sit down and work it out. Work out a better way to talk.”

“Hmmph, we’ll probably need a translator.” I say this as a joke, but Mom’s eyes light up in delight.

“Oh, yes, I can do that for you. I can make it much easier. I really think that we can sort this out.”

Oh, God, she’s on a roll now, she’s in too much excitement. I can hardly stand it. All I want to do is crush her spirits before she gets too carried away with an idea that sounds absolutely impossible to me. But at the same time, I don’t want to upset her because although it doesn’t really seem like it, she’s the only person keeping me going.

“Maybe, Mom. Let’s just wait and see, shall we? We don’t know what Dad wants yet either.”

“Oh, I do.” She nods vigorously. “He’s desperate to make things right with you. He has wanted that ever since the divorce. He keeps beating himself up for not seeming like he was emotionally there for you, but that was guilt.”

I want to believe everything that she’s saying to me. That would be like a dream come true. It would make my family life so much easier, but I’ve spent such a long time only seeing thingsfrom my point of view. I never considered that my father might have a point of view as well. That’s something that I will really have to consider in time. But not right now because I can’t delve too deeply into anything until someone comes back. Well, until Ella comes back. I won’t be able to relax until she’s back and nowhere near Ben ever again. I willhaveto make sure that he can never go anywhere near our daughter again. There must be a lot of legal things that I can do if my father is more on my side this time around because I’m sure my dad could get things done,reallysorted.

“Will Dad help me in court this time?” I ask Mom quietly as I peer out the window once more. “Because I need some sort of serious restraining order or something to make sure that he can’t come near me again.”

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