Page 30 of Insatiable

Quinn reaches out for me but I pull my arm from her reach. It’s not her fault and I know I’m shooting the messenger, but I can’t deal with this. Quinn is fine. She didn’t eat the food. Felix is fine. The slimy bastard wormed his way through again. Maybe his waiting at Ro’s bedside is guilt and nothing to do with love. I close my eyes. Tomas is going to go through... without me. I open my eyes and stare at Quinn. “Did Tate get through?”

She raises an eyebrow. “Does it matter?”

“Yes it fucking matters!” I snap.

“The people that got through the second trial don’t automatically go through to the next circle. There’s still the third trial,” she reminds me. Sounds like I already know the answer. Fuck!

I feel my nails digging into my palms. “She’ll get through and so will Tomas. I know they will.” And they’ll be fucking like bunnies, laughing at sad, pathetic old Juliette. Double fucking fuckity fuck.

Quinn gives me the saddest sort of look which does nothing to make me feel better. I don’t want sympathy. “I’ll say it again. Does it really matter?”

“No!” I reply, way too quickly. “The pair of them can both go to Hell.”

And for the very first time, I understand what that really means. Hell has never really felt like the obscure fiery pit that I learned about growing up. It wasn’t even that bad before now. Sure we’ve all had trials and it’s not been plain sailing, but I’ve had my friends beside me, good food and hot men to entertain me. Now, in the worst possible circle, it’s all been pulled out from under me. No food, my friends are leaving, and the only man I ever loved is going to go on to the next circle with the latest in his very long line of morally bankrupt whores. It matters. It matters more than anything has ever mattered because, despite all our history, I thought Tomas might have changed. I really fucking hate myself for even contemplating it because I’ve spent most of my existence hoping he might change, and I’ve let myself in for disappointment every single time.

I lie back, feeling the crushing weight of my own foolishness. How many times can a person be shattered before there's nothing left to break? The exhaustion tugs at me, but the turmoil inside keeps sleep at bay.

“I can’t do this,” I admit. “I’m not strong enough. I can’t stay here… without you, without Tomas… without everyone I know.”

Quinn has tears in her eyes as she grips my hand. “Ro is still here.”

I look over to the bed at the end where Ro is still asleep. Felix’s head is resting on the bed, his hand draped over her legs. His eyes are closed and I think he’s asleep. He looks so peaceful. So innocent.

Quinn catches my eye line.

"Why is it," I start, my voice tight with frustration, "that men can do whatever they want? Lie, cheat, hurt the people they claim to love, destroy lives—and still come out looking like saints?" I nod towards Felix, sprawled out in peaceful sleep."Look at him. He looks like butter wouldn’t melt in his mouth. Part of me almost wants to get out of bed and comfort him."

Quinn draws in a deep breath, her gaze flicking to Felix. "I get the feeling he’s in his own kind of hell."

“If he is, it’s of his own making,” I snap, bitterness creeping into my voice. “I always wondered about him. After everything he did to your sister, why is he here? Why did he end up in Purgatory? He should’ve ended up in a much lower circle."

Quinn’s jaw tightens, her eyes darkening with unresolved pain. "I've wondered that since the moment I got here. Jenny’s dead because of him. It’s something I’ll never forgive him for, but… the circles don’t lie. We all end up where we’re supposed to be.”

My stomach twists at her words, my anger flaring again. “Tomas and his bitch entered the games from a circle they weren’t even supposed to be in. I wouldn’t put too much stock in these ‘rules’ about where we're meant to be.”

Quinn stays quiet for a moment, her gaze drifting back to Felix, still asleep beside Ro. “Maybe he told the truth about Jenny,” she murmurs. "Maybe he really didn’t know her at all, and Jenny made it up."

I scoff, unable to believe it. "You had a photo of them together. Don’t let the fact he looks like a sleeping angel make you doubt yourself.”

She bites her lip, her voice shaking as she replies, “I don’t want to change my mind. But if Jenny lied about Felix, the only reason left for why she killed herself is… because of me.”

The weight of her confession presses down on me, my chest tight with empathy. “You should have gone to heaven,” I remind her quietly. "If your sister killed herself because of something you did, you would have automatically come into hell, not begged to be let in."

Tears gather in her eyes as she whispers, “I didn’t have time for her. I was working all the time, trying to keep us afloat, but I didn’t bring in much money. We lived in shitholes. Her whole life was nothing but loss after our parents died. I failed her.”

I shake my head, my heart breaking for her. “You lived for her. You died for her. And now, in these twisted games, you’re risking everything for her. If you ever did anything wrong in life, which I doubt, you’ve more than made up for it in death.”

Quinn wipes at her eyes, her voice barely audible. “And if I don’t get to her, then it’s all been for nothing.”

“No.” I shake my head firmly. "It’s never for nothing if you try. You’re still in the games, Quinn. Go and do what the rest of us can’t—get out of this place.”

She lets out a shaky laugh, her eyes filled with a mix of hope and despair. “I only wish it was that easy.”

15

I’VE FINALLY FOUND SOMETHING THAT JULIETTE PEREZ HASN’T FUCKED

ROWENA

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