Page 42 of Blind Sin

NIX

From my place on the love seat, I watch Lauren scurry inside, leaving a trail of wet footprints in her wake. I’ve spent the last twenty minutes watching Mercier shamelessly fuck Lauren in the sea while Lucinda mooches on the couch, neither of us speaking. I feel like a pressure cooker waiting to explode.

She and Mercier walk in after Lauren. I glance upwards and meet her intense gaze, and a surge of sad desperation overtakes me. I can still remember the softness of her skin, the fragrance of her shampoo, and the rhythm of her breath while she napped. I don’t want to remember any of it. I want to remember the pain she caused me. The lies she told.

“I’m going to take a shower.” Mercier gives me a sick smug grin and winks before hotfooting it down the corridor.

I’m angry and horny and fucking pissed off that they have trapped me into this. Most of all, I can’t get the image of Lauren looking my way as Mercier ploughed his cock into her. She might not have been able to see me, but she knew I was watching her and she really put on a show for me.

“Nolan and Alexander are really helping Lauren,” Lucinda says as she leans on the kitchen counter. It’s the first words she’s spoken to me since Mercier took Lauren outside for a fuckfest.

“I bet they are,” I mutter back.

She looks at me intently. “What changed in you over the past five years to become like this?”

I stand and, before I can think straight, march over to her and grab her by the hair. She inhales a sharp breath, but there’s no fear in her eyes as she stares at me defiantly. A moment of pent up aggravation - on both sides hits me as I glare at the eyes that used to captivate me.

“Now what, Josh?” She challenges. “You’ve got me right where you want me, so now what are you going to do to me?”

My heart is pounding like lava in my chest as every thought I’d had about this moment crash into me. I’ve spent five years waiting for this and now I don’t know what the fuck I want.

“You going to use me as a punching bag like my father?” she spits out. “Rape me like his friends? Abuse me like every other man I’ve ever known. What’s it going to be?”

Her eyes are burning with such intensity, but as the hate spews from her mouth I find my grip on her letting go.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Joshua,” she finally whispers.

I drop her hair. Fuck, she’s right. I have changed, and not in any way I want to.

“You used to be so carefree,” she says, running her hands through her hair. I didn’t pull hard enough to do any damage. “Now there’s something so dark about you,” she continues, letting her hand fall back to the counter when she’s satisfied I’ve not ripped any of her hair out. “You’re not the boy I remember.”

I grit my teeth, not wanting to talk about this. She happened to me. She was the one that turned me from a boy to a man, just not in the way I wanted. I turn to leave before I do something stupid, but she stops me. “You slept with Lauren. Is it what you expected it to be? I mean you thought it was me, right?”

“Fuck, Lucinda.” I bunch my hands into fists, feeling all the pent up rage from years gone by come crashing to the surface. Back at uni, I could pound it out in the gym or fuck it out with one of the whores at uni, but neither option is available to me here. It makes me feel slightly better that she looks as angry and upset as I feel. At least she fucking feels something. “Why do you want to know?” I throw out. “I didn’t hurt her, if that’s what you are getting at. How was I supposed to know she was a virgin? Just like you, she’s a fucking liar!”

“I know you didn’t hurt her.” Her voice softens and the iciness in it drops away. I thought it was jealousy driving her to asking these questions, but maybe she’s just looking out for her sister. I don’t even know how I feel about that. Do I even want her to be jealous? I don’t even know anymore.

“You wouldn’t. Just like you could never hurt me.” She’s either acting or forgetting the shit I put her through. The months of bullshit I spewed to the press about her after my parents died and her father took over their company. I know it hurt her because that was the deliberate intention. To cause as much pain as possible. I twisted the blade in as I thought she’d twisted the blade into me. It was fucking pathetic and dumb, but I was young and stupid and grieving. I was grieving the life I knew, my parents and I was mourning the loss of her.

She steps toward me and holds my gaze. Her eyes are so much darker than Lauren’s, but they have the same dazzling intensity. “Are you in love with her?”

My chest clenches in shock. “Fucking hell, Luce. What kind of a fucked up question is that?”

“It’s an honest one,” she says, licking her lips. “Now I want an honest answer.”

I don’t have an answer to give her. “I was in love with you a long time ago and that fucked me up enough for a lifetime.”

She puts her arms around me pulling me into a hug. I stiffen in her arms as she whispers into my ear, “I didn’t ask about me, Josh. I was talking about Lauren.”

She lets go and leaves, the smell of strawberry shampoo trailing in her wake.

29

LAUREN

Excitement courses through me as we step onto the boat in the late afternoon. Lucy insisted I drape a shawl over my ankle-length dress to cover myself thoroughly. I’m too hot, even in the late evening sun, but it’s going to be worth it. For the first time in my life, I’m going to be normal. Well, semi-normal. I grip onto Nolan at the bow of the boat as Dacre and Lucy head up onto the bridge. The engines sputter into life, then settle into a hum as we begin to move.

“You’re still afraid?” Nolan asks as I tighten my hold on his arm. “After all our swimming lessons?” I hear the amusement in his voice.

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