Page 65 of Blind Sin

Luce wrings her hands together. “She’s really slept with you all? On the island?”

“I told you she came to me last night. It was consensual and it was the first time. I didn’t force her into anything she didn’t want. You saw us this morning when you barged into my room. Did it look like she was being held against her will?”

“What about the other two?”

I don’t want to get my buddies in the shit, but as Luce is leaving anyway, I figure it doesn’t matter what I say anymore.

I open my mouth to speak, but a small voice cuts me off.

“Yes.” I turn and see Lauren standing on the bridge. She looks terrified and it’s all I can do not to run over to her and scoop her up.

“I’ve been having sex with both of them. A lot actually.” Her voice is trembling as she talks. “I’m twenty years old, Lucy. The exact same age as you are, give or take seven minutes. You’ve had sex with people. You’ve had a life. It might not be the life you wanted and you might not have enjoyed having sex with the people you did, but at least you’ve experienced things.

Lauren’s face twists into something akin to sadness. “I’ve experienced nothing but hell at the hands of men. Everyone things they are entitled to my body. First it was my father’s friends. Then it was movie directors, Hollywood bigwigs, the men that my father chose for me, and all the while I had to smile and pretend that I liked it. I had to pretend to date all these men who raped me and then it was me that the media called a whore.”

Shit. Anger twists in my stomach at how much pain these women have been through. When I find their father I’m going to make sure he takes his last breath in agony.

“Did Josh do any of that to you?” Lauren asks quietly.

Lucinda looks at me bitterly. “Josh was the reason the media called me those names in the first place.”

I’ve been a part of the problem this whole time and I thought I was justified. I thought she deserved it. I hold her eyes. “I will never hurt you ever again. Either of you.”

“But did he rape you?” Lauren continues, seeming ignoring my outburst. “Did he touch you when you asked him not to?”

“No.” Lucinda drops my gaze.

“And did he try to hurt you in any way on this island?”

Lucinda shakes her head. “No he didn’t.” she looks back up at me. “Josh is the only man that has never tried to force himself on me. He’s the only man that never acted as though he was entitled to my body. He’s the only man that ever treated me with any respect.”

This could be it. I can see she’s beginning to change her mind, but I can’t let her change her mind while I’m still keeping secrets.

“I did hurt Lauren,” I admit.

Luce snaps her head up.

“Back at the apartment, when I thought she was you, I did something that I’m not fucking proud of. I…”

Lauren runs to my side and grabs my arm. “He hurt my ankle.”

Shit I’d forgotten about that. “Nope. I’m done with hiding the shit I’ve done. I hid the remote control and when she was on the floor I jerked off in her face. It was a fucking disgusting thing to do.” I remember how differently it felt jerking off in her face last night and almost laugh at the full circle we’ve come. Except last night, she wanted it and it felt like I was claiming her, not getting some petty revenge.

Lauren narrows her eyes. “That’s quite the admission.”

“I’m not proud, but I’m not the same fucked up asshole I was before. You’ve both fucking changed me.”

“Lauren, come here and sit down next to me.”

I’ve never felt like such a fucking mess than I do now until Lucinda adds, “Josh. Turn the boat around. We’re going back to the island. We’re going home.”

43

MERCIER

I’ve never been one to reflect on the past, but now that Sinful’s left, I can add that to the giant shit show that’s been my life. I never had shit to start with. I grew up in a house with an alcoholic mother and an abusive father, and then when I was twelve, my father finally punched my ma hard enough for it to show. He was carted off to jail, and she decided then that she couldn’t cope, so into foster care I went until I was fifteen, when I ran away and started living on the streets. I had jack shit until I met Dacre and Nix. Even then, every single fucking thing I had was paid for by Dacre’s parents. Not that they knew, but that’s not the point. I never in all of the situations I’ve been in before felt as fucking shit as I do now. I guess having nothing means you have nothing to lose, but now I feel like I’ve lost everything.

I slam the tenderiser down on the streak in front of me. These steaks weren't meant to be eaten now, but I've found that it's the safest way for me to vent my frustrations.

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