Page 63 of Blind Sin

Shit, fuck shit. If anyone else was driving this boat, I’d grapple the wheel off them, heave them over my shoulder and throw them overboard, leaving them to fend for themselves. But this isn’t anyone. This is Luce. Luce, who has my heart in her hands and probably always will. Maybe it won’t look like the way I always dreamed about, but I can’t lose her anymore than I can lose Lauren.

I cough, getting Luce’s attention.

“You shouldn’t have come for me,” she spits out.

“You kinda have our only way of getting off the island, Luce.” I point out. “You take away this boat and we all starve to death, Lauren included. I know you’re pissed right now, but I know you’d never do that to her.”

I step forward and slowly reach around her and stop the boat’s engine.

She’s breathing hard and fast, but she hasn’t taken a swing at me yet, so I’ll take that as a good sign.

“You took my world away from me, Josh. Lauren is all I have. If this is your idea of revenge, it’s pretty shitty.”

“I wanted to hurt you for so long. It consumed me,” I admit. It’s like a hole burning through my chest. “But then I got to know you again, and I remembered everything I loved about you. It made me realize what a cunt I’ve been for all these years.”

She snorts. “You still are.”

It’s like a verbal slap to the face, but I deserve everything she throws at me.

“Maybe I am, but I love you and I don’t want to hurt you. I love you like…” It feels weird saying like a sister, because it’s much more than that, but it’s not the same way I feel about Lauren. “I love you like the best friend I lost all those years ago. I never hurt my friends.”

She lets out a sad laugh. “You’ve hurt me over and over and now you’ve done what you want with me, you’ve moved on to Lauren.”

I wet my lips. There’s no getting out of this. Everything she’s saying is true. “I promise I didn’t do anything to Lauren on this island that she didn’t explicitly ask for. She came to me last night and fell in the pool. I jumped in after her and pulled her out. I probably saved her life.”

Luce’s eyebrows furrow. “She fell in the pool? What was she doing in the pool at night?”

“I told you. She was walking to the staff quarters. She wanted to see me.”

“Why? She wanted you to defile her?” It hits me that she can’t have had a single sexual experience in her life that she enjoyed if she feels this way. I remember everything she’s said to me about her father’s men and the Hollywood angst that used her. It’s no wonder she hates men so much and sees us as predators. I want to wrap her up in my arms and keep her safe, but I know that’s not an option.

“Luce. You’re not listening to me,” I press. “She wanted toseeme.”

Suddenly, her features change as it drops into place. “She can see? The operation worked?”

I nod. “She says it’s a little fuzzy round the edges, but she wanted me to be the first to know. I guess she wanted me to be the very first thing she saw.”

Lucinda clutches her chest and sits down on the captain’s chair. She bites her lip in the exact way Lauren does which sends a jolt of sadness through my chest. “She chose you over me.”

“I’m sorry Luce, but yeah. I guess so.”

The boat bobs merrily on the ocean as it comes to a stop, no longer fueled by the momentum of the engine. It’s so quiet; I can hear Lucinda’s breathing.

“I never meant to hurt either of you,” I continue, when it’s clear Lucinda isn’t going to talk. “I am in love with your sister, but if you think that makes me a fucking rapist or predator or any of that other stuff you called me, then let’s go back and get her. I’ll take you both back to the mainland and let you both go. Neither of you have to see me again.”

She doesn’t even look at me, but she nods her head and vacates the captain’s chair. “I think that’s the best idea.”

Pain assaults my senses as she calls my bluff, but if she doesn’t want Lauren in our lives, then everything is fucked anyway. If I force either of them to stay, I’m no better than their bastard of a father and if I split them up, I’ll be worse than him.

It doesn’t take long for us to get back to the island jetty. We hadn’t gone far.

“Stay on the boat,” I growl at Lucinda. “I’ll get her.”

“I’ve packed a bag. It’s by the front door of the house. Lauren has a packed bag on the bed.”

So they were going to leave anyway. I thought I knew what hurting was. Hell, I’ve gone through enough of it, but as try to pull Lauren away from my two best friends, it’s like no agony I’ve ever experienced before.

“Let her, the fuck go,” I shout at them as I grip Lauren round the waist. She screams in my arms and I fear I’m now doing exactly what I promised I wouldn’t. I’m hurting Lauren.

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