Page 37 of Blind Sin

LUCINDA

I’m beginning to see what Lauren sees in these men, or at least Nolan and Alexander. They’ve been treating her so well... both of us, really. Observing Lauren's transformation has been like watching a flower bloom in fast forward. Where once there was a timid, almost ghost-like figure of a girl, now stands a woman burgeoning with newfound confidence. It's as if she's shedding layers of invisibility, becoming more present, more seen, in her own life.

It was just who she was, but since coming here, she’s changed so much for the better. A week getting her skin used to the sun in small increments means she can spend a little time outside in the day now as long as she’s smearing the highest factor sun screen on her skin. I look up from where I’m preparing a fruit bowl in the kitchen. She’s laid out on the sofa, a brail book on her lap and her feet up on Alexander’s lap. Alexander is massaging her feet absentmindedly while Nolan is engrossed in one of the books I bought back on the mainland. I wait for the pang of jealousy to hit me, but it doesn’t come. The scene of domestic bliss in front of me paints a picture of contentment and harmony. Lauren and I have never known what it’s like to have a family. We’re each other's only kin, but now I’m starting to understand what family can mean.

Nolan looks up from his book. “Are you sure you don’t want any help with that?”

I fix him with a determined grin. “I’m determined to do something myself. It’s impossible to burn a fruit bowl, right?”

It’s so strange how easy I feel around them now, but as Nolan goes back to his book, my mind turns to the one black spot. “Do you think Josh would like some of this?”

This time, both Nolan and Alexander look up. “If you want to take some to him, be my guest. Don’t expect a warm welcome, though. He’s still got a bee up his ass about everything.”

I return to the papaya, slicing it with deliberate slowness. My anger towards Josh simmers beneath the surface, an unresolved emotion that has festered over the years, and it intensifies, especially now that I've already explained my reasons to him. The desire to visit him has been gnawing at me for days, but our heated confrontation on the plane still stings, making it impossible for me to approach him. The thought of taking this fruit salad to him crosses my mind, but deep down, I fear that delivering it might only result in me angrily hurling it at him.

“I’m so sick of this!” Lauren announces, pulling her feet from Alexander and planting them on the ground. “I thought I’d like coming to a tropical island, but I can barely leave the house. I’m just as trapped here as I was back in Waldgrave House.”

I drop the papaya onto the counter and look up. “You know you can’t go out for long periods of time. Your skin isn’t ready for that yet.”

“I’m twenty years old,” she complains. “I’ve never done anything. I’ve never ice skated, I’ve never ridden a horse, I’ve never had a birthday party. All I want to do is go outside and experience things, but apparently I can’t even do that.” So much for domestic bliss.

My heart hurts with how sad she looks. I look to Alexander and Nolan for help.

“How about a trip to the mainland?” Nolan proposes, already getting up as though this is a done deal. “With a parasol and sticking to indoor places, it might be safe.”

Lauren’s face lights up, the frown vanishing instantly, only for it to jump to my own face.

“We can’t!” I argue. “It’s not just the sun. She’s been locked in a room her entire life. Her immune system needs time to build up. It’s a miracle she didn’t catch anything on the plane ride here.”

“She spent a week in New York,” Alexander says. “If she was going to catch anything, she’d have caught it there.”

Why is it that I always have to be the voice of reason? “She was in your apartment,” I argue. “In the little time I was in it, it smelled of bleach and air freshener. It was practically sterile. This is different. She’s never even been vaccinated.”

“Will everyone stop talking about me as though I’m not in the room?” Lauren yells, silencing all of us. I’ve never heard her yell once in her life before now. “I want to go out. What’s the point of living if I’m going to stay in a building my whole life.” Tears twinkle in the corner of her eyes. I move round the kitchen counter and into the living room to pull her into a hug, but she pulls away from me, twisting into Nolan’s arms. The pain I thought I’d feel earlier hits me like a brick to the chest. Alexander tugs on my arm and gestures to the French doors.

I don’t want to leave Lauren in the state she’s in, but she’s clinging onto Nolan as though he’s a life buoy. I let Alexander lead me outside. After stepping through the French doors, he shuts the softly behind us.

“She hates me.” I sigh.

“I never thought the great Lucinda Waldgrave would ever show self-pity,” he remarks, a soft look on his face. “You know she doesn’t hate you.”

Sinking into one of the patio chairs, I meet Alexander's gaze. “She’s all I have. Call it self-pity if you like, but a few weeks ago I was her everything and now she won’t even look at me. With you and Nolan buttering her up at every given opportunity, I’ve become second fiddle…third… hell, fourth fiddle. Let’s not forget Josh” I fold my arms and let out a long irate sigh. “I don’t want to lose her.”

“No one said anything about you losing her,” Alexander says, taking a seat beside me. “Think of it as her growing up. She didn’t experience the same awkwardness of puberty that the rest of us did. She didn’t go through the stage of screaming at her mother because she wanted to go out to a dance or whatever it is girls go through at that age.”

“So I’m her mother now? Great!” I bury my head in my hands.

“No, but you are the closest thing to a mother she has. She was going to rebel sooner or later. She’s just doing it a little later than the rest of us. She still loves you.”

I turn to glance through the French windows, seeing Nolan stroking her hair and whispering in her ear. It appears so intimate, as though he's her boyfriend.

“I never took you for the pep talk kinda guy,” I comment.

“Yeah, well, I don’t make a habit of it. Besides, we’re currently on a tiny island. You couldn’t get away from her if you tried.”

Thoughts of Josh surface, and I wonder if this is why he's been keeping to himself. Perhaps he feels the same way.

Alexander, looking more solemn than usual, breaks into my thoughts. “I’ve been meaning to discuss taking Lauren to the mainland with you,” he says. “Seems like the right moment now.”

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