Page 50 of Sinful
Our girl! My mutinous heart skips a beat. It was inevitable, right from the start, that I’d belong to these men. I hate all three of them, but the thought of leaving has my heart torn in two. They showed me what it was to finally feel. They gave me life. They tried to destroy me and in doing that, they saved me. I can’t live without Lucy, but I don’t know if I want any kind of life without these men in it.
39
LUCINDA
The real Lucinda
Seeing my old boyfriend in the paper with Lauren was like being hit by a truck. Of all the people to find her with, Joshua Nix was the last person I’d expected. Josh was the love of my life. The one that got away, or at least the one I pushed away when my father thought I was old enough to be shared around his friends. I can’t even begin to piece together how he ended up with her.
My throat constricts when I see her holding his hand. She doesn’t know the world. Doesn’t know anything. I realize I’ve only ever seen her in the bubble of the basement room of our house. As an extension of me and not a human being in her own right. If she could have ended up with anyone, I’d want it to be Josh. I would trust him with my life. He’s changed so much since that fateful day when I told him goodbye. He’s taller, more muscular. He’s a man now and not the boy I remember. He’s also hotter than hell. The irony that Lauren is holding onto him for dear life when she can’t even see how unbelievably gorgeous he is doesn’t escape me. He always had long hair, but he’s grown it out past his shoulders. Tattoos snake down both arms, ending at the wrist, and I have to push back the thought of what might be under his t-shirt and just how far those tattoos go. He’s not the boy I once knew. He’s darker somehow, more intense. He grew up. We both did, but I still see the boy in his eyes. Eyes that are glaring at me in a way I’ve never seen before. For years, I dreamed about Josh and the way he used to look at me as though I was the only thing of beauty in the world. I guess things have changed. I see only malevolence and hostility in his stare now.
“She’s leaving. She’s not safe here,” I say.
“Hang on a minute.” A guy I don’t know, but I assume to be Alexander Dacre, steps between me and Lauren. “How did you find us?”
“Does it matter?” I sigh. “If I found you, then he will, too.”Our father.
Alexander crosses his arms across his chest. I guess Josh isn’t the only one with hostility toward me. “It matters!”
I pull out a newspaper and throw it at him. It’s already folded to the gossip pages. He opens it up and shows it to Josh and the other man. I already know what they will see. A photo of Edward Bailey at a masquerade ball last night and in the background, none other than Lauren and Josh. Both are wearing masks, but it doesn’t take a genius to know it’s them. Even with the weird hairstyle Lauren has gotten, I could still see it was her. From then it was a simple matter of calling Edward who told me where to find Josh. He financed one of my movies once. In any other circumstance, I might have been at that party. If I wasn’t in hiding. “If I found you, then he will, too.” I repeat.
“He won’t,” Josh says, his eyes flashing pure anger at me. I wonder what I’ve done to deserve such resentment. I’ve dreamed about bumping into Josh again for so many years, it was inevitable it would one day happen. We move in some of the same circles. Funnily enough, I never expected it to be quite like this.
“We need to leave now.”
His jaw hardens, and he finally lets go of Lauren’s hand. My heart turns to stone when I see how bereft she looks. What has he done to her? He gestures with his head for me to follow him. I cast a glance at the two other men. Alexander Dacre in his suit and the other man with a shaved head and tattoos right up his neck. I don’t know them, and I don’t want to leave Lauren alone with them for one second. I lean into Lauren. “I’m going outside with Josh. I’ll keep a watch on you the whole time, okay? I take her hand and squeeze her palm, but when I stop, her hand drops to her side. My heart hurts with how sad she looks. Once again, I wonder what these men have done to change her so much. Just over a week ago, she wouldn’t have let me go.
“She doesn’t belong to you,” I snap, when I close the door of the terrace. I angle myself so I can see Lauren.
“She doesn’t belong to you either. She wants to be here.”
“Have you actually asked her that?” I say. The look on his face tells me he hasn’t. “She’s a human being. Just because she’s blind and in trouble doesn’t mean you get to save her. She’s not me, Josh.”
His mouth curls down at the edges. “No, she fucking isn’t you. She’s everything you aren’t.”
It’s like being slapped in the face. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
He reaches pulls out a cigarette and twirls it between his fingers. Behind him I see the strange shaved haired man holding Lauren. Anger blossoms in my chest until I see that she’s hugging him.
“Did your father force you to sleep with his friends back then?”
My heart hitches in my chest as the memories come flooding back. Hateful painful memories that I’ve blacked out over the years. I don’t need to ask him how he knows. Lauren must have told him. Shards of pain pierce my heart. “She shouldn’t have told you. That was a secret.”
“Not the only one you kept from me,” he says with a dark chuckle that has no humor in it. He lights the cigarette but doesn’t take a hit. He sits down on one of the chairs and focuses his gaze on it, watching it turn to ash. There are so many things to unpack with Josh, but he’s a memory. Not someone I need in my life right now. He’s from another life. The only lives I need to focus on are Lauren’s and mine.
I bend my knees so I’m level with his head. He doesn’t even look up at me. The girl that betrayed him was a child. I had to keep secrets to survive. “I kept her secret because I had to keep her safe. Just like I have to keep her safe right now.” His eyes remain downward and my heart breaks. I thought I’d gotten over Joshua Nix. I was wrong. I lean forward and kiss his cheek. Beneath the hard exterior, I think I see the hint of him trembling.
When I stand and head back inside, he doesn’t follow.
“Come on, Lauren. We have to go now.”
“You can’t leave.” This time it’s Alexander Dacre.
I step up to the man in the suit and look up at him. Just like Dacre, he has tattoo’s but his are hidden beneath a suave business suit, only peeking out slightly above the collar. “Alexander is it?” He nods. Warm brown eyes stare down at me. “It’s a miracle my father’s men aren’t here knocking on your door already. They will soon. My father will have every one of his people searching for me. I’ve managed to stay under the radar for now, but it’s clear by the newspaper article none of you understand the brevity of the situation. She stays here, she dies. They’ll kill her and they’ll send me back to a life of abuse. You can’t save her. Only I can do that. I’ve spent my whole life planning this. "
Alexander’s eyes flash over to Lauren. There’s a storm in the depths of them. I don’t know him, but it’s clear Lauren made an impression on him, too. On all of them. I want to apologize to them, to thank these strangers for keeping her safe, but I don’t know the full story of how she ended up here, and until she tells me, I’m going to reserve judgment.
Alexander flicks his eyes to the other man. He folds his arms and makes no move to get out of my way. “If you’ve spent your whole life planning this, why was it we found her the very day after she left? She was alone.”
