Page 38 of Sinful
I inhale the smoke, glad of the distraction. I only started smoking when Sin dumped me. I still remember that day like it was yesterday, and I’ve remembered it with distinct clarity with every cigarette I’ve smoked since. My parents were still alive, but I didn’t know that they had less than a month left to live. I couldn’t have known. It wasn’t like they had cancer. There are no warnings when some asshole truck driver drives into you. The papers speculated that maybe it was on purpose because of their wealth. Peter Waldgrave’s name was even mentioned, especially after the takeover, but evil as that fucker is, he didn’t kill them. It was just some drunk driver that had miscalculated how much vodka he could put on his breakfast and get away with it.
I always entered her house through a hole in the fence. Back then, security wasn’t so tight as it is now. Either they didn’t have cameras watching every inch of the property or she had the guard staff wrapped around her little finger. Even back then, she knew how to bend people to her will. Manipulate them. I see that now, but back then I loved how everyone loved her. It made the fact that she was mine even more special. Everyone loved her. Everyone except for her father.
She wasn’t by the tree we usually met at. It was within the perimeter of the grounds, but far enough away from the house that no one would see us if they happened to be looking out of the window. I remember wishing her fatherwouldsee me. That he would know that his precious daughter belonged to someone else now. That he didn’t have the control over her that he thought she did. Daddy’s precious little puppet. I was a fucking idiot. Her father wasn’t the one being played. He was the one playing me. Sin hadn’t asked me much about my parents' company and I’d never asked about her father’s empire, but she must have gotten something out of me. something that helped daddy dearest take my parents down.
Take me down.
My parents were already dead by the time that particular news story broke.
She must have known, must have been complicit because she broke it off with me three weeks before it happened. She did eventually appear at the tree. Her eyes were red as though she’d been crying. I never saw tears in her eyes, but the clues were always there. It wasn’t unusual. She tried to hide the bruises her father gave her, but she couldn’t hide them every time. This time, she told me it was over. No explanation, no reason, no apology. She walked away, and that was the last time I saw her in the flesh. Until we found her in her mother’s cabin a week ago.
I stamp the cigarette out on the model’s face, crushing it with pent up anger. I don’t want her here. The bitch hiding behind her door, as if that will stop me. I don’t know what I want to do to her first. Watch her choke on my dick or put an end to it all and kill her. I don’t need the money, this was never about money for me, and Dacre lost his options the second he decided to finger Sin. Not that he needs money, either. Maybe his parents are dicks, but he’s privileged enough to ride on their name should he choose to. I could go into her room right now and show her what it means to be hurt, to be broken by the one person you thought loved you. Fantasies of what I’ll do to her flood my brain, refusing to let go.
I’m fucked. I know it, but until this week, I’d not realized the depth of it or how black my thoughts could be. It’s always been easy to label Mercier the psycho of the three of us because of his insane ways, but he’s a fucking angel compared to how I feel right now. Dacre’s right about me being obsessed. I cannot get her out of my mind.
She’s so close to me. Closer than she’s been in years, and I can’t do it. I can’t go into her room, because I can’t guarantee I will be able to control myself. Mercier and Dacre obviously couldn’t. No one can resist her. She’s safe tonight, but tomorrow it’s my turn to watch her. My turn to do what I need to do. My turn to finally get my revenge.
I step outside onto the terrace, light up another cigarette and fall asleep on the sun lounger
31
LUCINDA
I’ve not left the room all day. I know he’s still out there. Biding his time. He’s waiting for Dacre to leave. I don’t want to think about what will happen then. I pace my room in the pajamas Dacre left for me, not daring to breathe in case I miss something. I’ve not been able to catch much of what Josh and Alexander are saying, but I’ve heard enough heated words to know to keep myself scarce. I think I hear a smash, like the sound of a plate or cup being dropped, but closer, as though it’s hit the wall. There’s more shouting. I hold my breath, waiting for the slight creak of the door, but it never comes. It’s only a matter of time. Joshua has built up enough resentment because of some perceived wrongdoing, and it’s all centered on me. Nolan and Alexander have done things to me that I never asked for, but I don’t fear for my life with them. Josh is another story entirely.
I hate the way my body trembles with each raised word and I pray for it to stop. Eventually, it does go quiet. Ten minutes or so later, my heart booms when the door finally opens.
“Lucy. Come and get something to eat. You must be hungry.” I let out a low breath. It’s Dacre. I cringe at the casual use of that name, but at least he’s learnt that I need to eat.
“Is Josh still here?” I ask tentatively.
“He won’t hurt you. Not while I’m around.”
He sounds confident of that, but I’m not so sure he knows what Josh is capable of. Neither do I. Not really. A lot of harsh words were spoken all those years ago, but it was weeks after the breakup that he trashed my name all over the news. Told the world Lucinda Waldgrave was a cock-loving whore. His words, albeit in print, made my father more angry than I’d ever seen him. He demanded to know if the news article was true. He hit so hard that the bruises were visible for weeks. Nothing could cover up the swollen eyes, the broken jaw, the black and blue marks. And everyone turned a blind eye. The doctors, the surgeons. No one questioned it, because no one questions Peter Waldgrave. No one with any brains. My father owns the police. He owns everyone. He’s above the law, and because of that, he got away with beating his daughter until she almost died. It was the first time he hit so hard, but it wasn’t the last. And all because of Joshua Nix.
I hold my breath as I follow Dacre out of the room. I want to cling to him, but I can’t get the memory of last night out of my head. I hate him for what he did, but I loved it too. Maybe that’s the problem. I’m a total mess.
The stench of cigarette smoke lingers in the air.
“He’s on the terrace,” Dacre says as though he can read my mind. “I’ve poured you a bowl of cereal.” I almost laugh. It’s the only thing I seem to eat when Dacre is around. At least Mercier cooks me food.
I sit by the counter and reach my fingers out in front of me. Dacre pushes the bowl into my hand, then pours milk. A flash of electricity runs up my arm when his fingers brush mine when passing me a spoon.
I have literally no idea how to speak to him now. Yesterday he hated me. Before that, he was indifferent to me. Now he’s? I don’t know how he is. This is the first time he’s bothered about feeding me. I hate that my heart is so desperate for the slightest positive interaction with anyone that I want him to touch me again. Not like last night. I can still feel the ghost of his fingers inside me and I don’t know how to feel about it. I just want something small. A caress, a whisper. Someone to acknowledge me as a human being.
“I can see in your eyes that you are thinking about last night. About what I did to you.” His words are like honey, made all the more delicious with his British accent.
I can already feel the blood rushing to my face. I don’t know what he saw in my face that gave me away and, even more terrifyingly, I don’t know how to stop it. It’s painful how well these men know me and yet none of them knows me at all.
“I was actually thinking I’d prefer toast,” I snap, mortified by how easy I am to read.
“Your wish is my command... Liar.”
A shiver runs through my body at his words. I can’t even lie to them. They know everything... almost everything. They still don’t know my biggest secret. It’s one that will never show on my face or in my eyes, because I won’t let it. Let them have my body’s secrets. I’ll give them up willingly to keep the most important part of me secret.
A minute later, a plate of toast is put in front of me. Dacre takes my hand and guides me to it. It’s like touching a live wire.
“You could have just told me it was there. I’m not totally incompetent.”
