Page 10 of Joker in the Pack

Bang went my plan of running away to South America. All that training, all that effort my mother had put in to turn me into a lady, and I’d just ruined it. I couldn’t even behave properly at a strip club.

Still, on the bright side, the embarrassment I’d felt about Edward’s affair paled into insignificance beside this latest debacle.

I was never going to another club. Never.

On second thoughts, I wouldn’t even be able to set foot outside my front door again. I’d lock myself in my flat forever. Waitrose delivered, so I’d be fine. In sixty years, someone would find my corpse surrounded by empty chocolate boxes, mummified after it had lain undiscovered for six months.

My obituary would be short.

Olivia Porter, daughter of the late Frank and Victoria. Known for her lewd behaviour and her complete inability to attract a man. Survived by her seventeen cats.

I dropped my voice to a whisper. “Maddie, I’m going to kill you. You know that, right?”

“Gosh, would you look at the time? My shift’s just about to start. Gotta run.”

Coward.

An hour later, a doctor examined me, poking and prodding and shining a torch in my eyes.

“You have a slight concussion, and we need to keep you in overnight for observation. If nothing worsens, you can go home tomorrow.”

Was I supposed to be grateful for that? I guess so, but I didn’t fancy being alone in my flat, either. What was there for me? An underwhelming amount of work, a half-empty wardrobe, and a gaping hole in my life. So much to look forward to.

“Leaving so soon? Are you sure that’s safe?”

He shrugged one shoulder. “We need the bed for patients who don’t inflict injuries on themselves.”

His pursed lips told me the doctors hadn’t found Maddie’s tale of a strip night gone wrong very funny.

The nurses did, though. By the time I was discharged, at least ten of them had asked about it, and they gave me a leaving gift of furry handcuffs and a bottle of baby oil.

I tried to smile, but my sense of humour had all but deserted me. Every day, I became more like my mother. The only positive thing about the constant jibes was that when Maddie waved a white tissue taped to a pencil around the edge of the door in surrender, I was pretty much desensitised to the whole mess.

“Are you still planning to kill me?” she asked.

“No.” A sigh escaped. “I can see you were only trying to help, and besides, I’m not sure how I’d go about hiding the body.”

Plus, I couldn’t drive, and she was my lift home.

When we got back to my flat, she insisted on coming in and making me toast and a cup of tea before she returned to Dave.

“That way I’ll know you’ve eaten something other than junk food. I bought you fresh milk and a few groceries.”

At least somebody cared. “Thank you.”

“It’ll all blow over, you’ll see. A celebrity’ll fall out of a club or something, and nobody’ll be interested in your video anymore.”

“I hope you’re right. And I really do appreciate the food.”

“We’ll do a takeaway next week. Deal?”

“Deal.”

After Maddie left, I shuffled to bed. My head still hurt, and I craved sleep as though I hadn’t spent part of this week unconscious.

Two days passed before I felt well enough to turn on the computer, and even then, a dull ache pulsed behind my eyeballs. The pain only got worse when I read my emails.

Olivia,

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