Page 49 of Be My Sacrifice

I pace the room I was placed back in when one of the guards came to release me yesterday, forcing me to endure further humiliation as they got to witness me in that disgusting state. I swear to fucking God, I’m going to beat Abe’s ass and make him beg me on his knees for forgiveness. In fact, I will have both of them on their knees, thanking me for all I have done for them and the sacrifices I’ve made, including using myself as a shield to keep Sammy alive.

Sammy, who I worry is in the cruel and psychotic hands of my father. My father, who would do anything for power, including murdering him if it pleased him. The rebel guards won’t answer any of my questions about what is happening. Abe and Dinah are avoiding me, keeping me confined to this room. An overwhelming sense of hopelessness is setting in and pushing me to the edges of insanity. There has to be something I can do. Something that I can offer them in exchange for their forgiveness. I need a way out of this bleak existence, one that I know I will not be able to survive, while they go ahead and move on with their lives without me.

Out of sight, out of mind, isn’t that how the old world saying went? Well, I fucking refuse to be a shadow hidden in a cage. A memory of times long past. I refuse to allow them to continue on as if my sacrifice meant nothing, as if I meant nothing. I’m Ezekiel Rothesay, and they don’t just get to discard me, like garbage. No one fucking leaves me.

I bang hard on the door with my aching fist, my fingers still swollen, fractured, and healing from my father’s punishments. At first, the guards ignore me, like they have been doing for hours, but I keep at it until I must annoy someone enough that they slam the door open, almost causing me to fall to my ass with the suddenness of it.

“What the fuck do you want?” The dark blond-haired, bulky guard gets in my face. His breath, hot on my skin, and the smell of his sweat and the strong spices of the food he must have eaten recently, invading my senses.I should knock this fucker out, just to save everyone from his nauseating scent.

“I need to speak to Dinah, now,” I demand, forcing myself to stand at my imposing height. I’m at least three or four inches taller than this fucker, and even in my food-deprived state, I still outweigh him by sixty pounds, if not more. I push my chest into his, forcing him to have to take a step back, and realize that I won’t be pushed around any further. If he tries to lay a finger on me, he’s going to get as good as he gives.

I have nothing left to lose.The reality of that statement both alarms me, and brings with it a malicious pain that threatens to have me falling to my knees. If I have lost all three of them now, nothing is left for me. I honestly have nothing left to live for, and I might as well let them kill me now.

“Boss says she doesn’t want to hear shit about you,” he grins with smugness.

Yeah, I’m done.One way or another, I am about to get Dinah’s attention. I don’t hesitate, slamming my head into his as hard as I can, until he takes a few stumbling steps backward, and a wave of dizziness makes me have to shake my head to stop seeing double. My fist crashes into his solar plexus, and I deliver an elbow to his throat that has him falling to his knees, before I bring up one of my knees, and slam it underneath his chin.Lights out, bitch.

I don’t wait for one of his asshole friends to come searching for the source of all the noise we are making. I pull the gun from his holster and check it, and I’m pleasantly satisfied to see that he has a full clip.Bingo.I search the rest of his body and find a blade sheathed to his ankle, and slip that into the waistband of my pants. Here’s hoping I don’t end up spearing myself with the damn thing.

I’m out of the room quickly and making my way stealthily down the long hall that Abe dragged me down at gunpoint just the day before, the aches and pains in my body protesting the whole way. I pass a few closed doors, and there is no sign of any other guards as I make my way to the landing. Once I reach it, I hide behind a portion of the crumbling wood railing and crane my neck over, to see if I can determine where Dinah is.

No immediate sounds or movement greet me, and I release the pent-up breath that I was holding. My aching hand threatens to release its hold on the gun. I know that if I end up weaponless, they will drag me back to that room to die a slow death. I would rather put a bullet in my own brain than have to endure that.

I need to get to her. I need to make her listen to reason. That night she came to me in my room, she wanted answers. Although I gave them to her, I am not sure she honestly believed me. Why she would think I would want to ever hurt her, I don’t know, but it aches deep inside of my heart to comprehend that she doesn’t trust me.I can’t lose her, not again. I won’t survive it.

As for Abe, he and I are going to exchange blows after the shit he has pulled. I get that he’s angry. I’ll even give him that he would have cause to be, if ANY of it was fucking real, and I had pulled off what I’m being excused of. How could a man that I have loved all my life, that I was sure loved me back in the same way, believe my cunt of a father over me? How could he believe, in his heart and soul, that I would have had anything to do with Gabriel’s death after I helped make the boy disappear? We spent months mourning him together. Losing Gabriel broke a part of both of us, and I could never have faked that.He knows me. He understands deep inside who I am. Doesn’t he?

A sound down a narrow hallway gets my attention. I’m almost positive that it’s Dinah’s voice. I creep quietly down the stairs and across the old hardwood floors, biting my bottom lip with anxiety and adrenaline riding me hard. I hope the creaks don’t give me away and announce my arrival in advance. Right now, I am stalking my prey, and once I get my hands on her, it’s game over. She’s going to fucking listen to me, or I’m going to wring her pretty neck until she does. One way or another, she won’t be able to dismiss me or walk away from me this time.

I raise the gun, taking the safety off and getting myself prepared to shoot anyone who dares stand in my way of getting what I want. I won’t shoot to kill unless forced to, but I’m done being a captive. I’m done being forgotten.

I glance through the partially opened doorway at Dinah, who is speaking with one of the rebel soldiers. She’s wearing all black from head to toe, her creamy pale skin hidden under fabric. She looks like she’s about to go back out there as theUnholy Ghost.Fuck, no!

My heart pounds like a strong drum in my chest, fear almost choking me. Is she going back out to try to kill more of the Brotherhood? How could Abe let her continue to put herself at risk like that? Just as I ask myself the question, I immediately know the answer. No one lets Dinah do anything; she doesn’t need anyone’s permission. She’s a bloodthirsty serial killer, and she stalks and dispatches her prey without remorse.

I shift into the room, gun raised and pointing right at the back of the rebel’s head. Dinah’s eyes widen when she spies me over his shoulder, but other than that, she gives no evidence that she’s alarmed. “Tell him to take his gun, and yours, and throw them back at me and then leave, Snow, or I will blow his head off.”

Her response is to raise one of her delicate, dark eyebrows at me with snark and turn back to the rebel who has gone unnaturally still. “Don’t fuck with me, Dinah. I’m not in the mood to play with you, and I have nothing left to lose.” I cock the gun just to make sure she gets the fact that I’m not fucking with her. I will kill this bastard in cold blood and feel nothing afterward. My soul is already tarnished and pitch black, so what’s one more soul attributed to it?

She must see something in my features that cements the fact that I’m not fooling around here. She removes her gun from her thigh holster, releasing the clip, and lets it bang to the floor at her feet, before tossing the gun in my direction. “Do what the cunt says, and get the hell out of the room.” The soldier pulls his gun out, follows Dinah’s lead by dropping the clip, and throws the gun back to me, before turning around and storming out of the room.Fuck, I don’t have long before he raises the alarm and help arrives. I have to make every second count.

I move hesitantly to the door, engaging the lock, and never taking my eyes off the dangerous woman before me. She’s leaning against a small black painted desk that’s seen better days, her arms folded over her chest, ankles crossed, and a look of boredom across her beautiful, delicate features. A part of me wants to slap her, and wrap my hand around her neck and choke the shit out of her for the disdain she’s showing me. The other part is just relieved that she’s even speaking to me, and didn’t shoot me on sight.Small fucking mercies, I guess.

“What do you want, Zeke? What do you think this…” she motions to me, standing there pointing a loaded gun at her, as if it’s some fucking gag I’m pulling on her, and I’m not seriously considering shooting her, “... is going to accomplish?”

Accomplish? Is she fucking with me right now?I try to keep control of all my emotions so I don’t completely lose my shit with her. “I’m done being your whipping boy, Dinah. That goes for both of you. As much I care about you and Abe, I won’t fucking allow you to keep kicking me like some unwanted animal. I’m not your bitch.”

“Care about us?” Her eyebrow rises again, but this time, her face goes hard and mean. It’s as if a switch has been flipped. I’ve only seen her once before like this. The night we murdered those Brotherhood men before we were attacked. This cold persona took over then too, and it frightened the shit out of me.

That’s saying a lot, considering both Abe and I are unhinged psychopaths who have killed without remorse, and were raised by demon fathers. Fear has never been an emotion that I have spent a lot of time acquainted with until now.

“How about when you tricked me into marrying you? Did you care then?” She takes a few steps towards me, her face severe and eyes blazing. “When you fucked me for the first time in front of a bunch of strangers, who got off on the fact that I would have lost my virginity in that humiliating manner?”

Another two steps. “Tell me, Zeke. Did you care about me when you plunged that blade inside of me?” She stops not more than a foot away from my extended arm, which is still pointing a weapon at her. This beautiful psychotic creature is afraid of nothing. I’m almost in awe of her and her courage, which is fueled by her rage.

“I did and do care about you. I have always cared about you, Snow.”

“You have a fucked up way of showing it, Zeke. Put down the gun. We both know you are not going to shoot me.” She lets out a tired sigh, and I see the fatigue on her features up close. There are purple stains below her eyes, and her face looks haggard. The menace she was radiating mere moments ago deflates. She turns her back on me, dismissing my threat, and walks back to the desk, sitting herself on its surface, like a fucking queen at court, who doesn’t fear anything or anyone.

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