Page 49 of The Queen's Serpent

A knock on the door startles me from wallowing in my dark, depressing, and self-deprecating thoughts. I’ve been sitting here watching the torrential rain pour down, like thick sheets of opaque glass, for what feels like hours with my arms wrapped securely around my legs. As if I just made myself smaller, maybe I could escape or disappear from this place, from this very stifling and oppressive life.

The images of what happened with Paulo have been constantly repeating in my mind, so I can now tell you a second-by-second account of what happened that afternoon, mere days ago. I keep circling back to the fact that, if I had just told Diego about that first conversation with Paulo, none of what followed would have transpired. Although that isn’t entirely true. I know with certainty that it wouldn’t have saved Paulo. The minute he approached me, he was destined to die. He was willing to betray Diego, for the pot of gold my grandmother is dangling out to anyone who can find me.

I want to be angry with Paulo and my grandmother, because both caused what happened in their own way, but I also have to take responsibility for my actions. While painful and harsh, the truth is that some part of me wanted to escape, and leave this jungle and Diego behind. That’s why I didn’t go to Diego, and tell him about the escape that Paulo was offering me.

The weakness ingrained deep within my bones constantly tells me to run, be a coward, and come back to the protective embrace of my Stratford family. That my grandmother and sister will keep me safe from any more harm. Safe even from myself, and this new realization of who I am deep inside, and what I’m capable of.Murderer.

The darkness, depravity, and need for pain, call to me in a sweet lullaby sung in Diego’s voice, and I want to go to him and lay myself at his feet, and ask him for more. Ask him to take me to my very limits, and then throw me over the sharp, dangerous pinnacle until I’m reborn. Reborn as the woman at his side, the wife he wants, and the queen who rules his empire without regrets or limitations.

What does it say about me that I’m sitting here thinking about how he almost beat a man to death, then snapped that man’s neck and proceeded to fuck me using his blood, but I not only enjoyed it, I came harder than I have ever in my whole life. Not only that, but I know that if I reached below my flimsy cotton dress and into my panties right now, I’d find myself soaked just from the memory.

Yup, I’m a fucking psychotic bitch. I guess it makes perfect sense why I’m so incredibly attracted to Diego, despite him not being my typical type. I’m just like him, just as damaged, filled with anger, and now apparently bloodlust. Like calls to like, and here we both are, together in the fucking jungle, unable, it seems, to part from each other, even though that would be best for both of us in the long run.He will never give you up. You’re his prize.

“Enter,” I release a sigh, unwrapping my arms from around my legs and turning towards the door. I already know it can be only one of three people. It’s either Santiago with his dark, worried eyes, his mother, Alisa, with her motherly acceptance and constant hovering, or Raphael coming to check that Ihaven’t somehow slit my own throat, but who is still terrified to touch me in any way.

I haven’t seen Diego since he killed Paulo. He no longer sleeps in his bed or eats meals with me. In fact, if I didn’t occasionally hear him bark orders from somewhere within the compound, I’d think he had abandoned me.Maybe he finally realizes you’re not worth all these headaches.

Santiago steps into the room, his dark eyes meeting mine, and in their depths, I see a profound sadness that wasn’t there before Paulo was murdered. His hands clench his hat tightly, as if he needs it to keep himself from wrapping those strong hands around my neck, and ending my hold on his boss.

I know that Santiago has never approved of me being brought here. He believes that I’ve procured nothing but trouble for the Cabanos. I’m Helen of Troy, a cursed destroyer of a kingdom, because a prince dared to fall in love with me. Will the Cabanos crumble under the strain of my grandmother’s larger army, intent on getting me back?History practically guarantees it.

I watch him warily, refusing to be the one to speak first. I have no idea what to say. I haven’t had a moment to discuss what happened with him, or anyone. Do I apologize for getting one of his men killed? Do I try to explain what happened, what Paulo was attempting to do? Would it even matter at this point? I doubt he would believe me. No one ever believes me, always choosing to think the worst of me, but I guess I haven’t given them much of an opportunity to think otherwise.It’s because you’re weak and pitiful, unwanted.

“Ummm… how are you feeling,señorita?Mi madresays you are still not eating? Do you need me to get Raphael?“ I can see the concern wrapped up with the doubt in his features; maybe he believes I’m faking it to get attention. Perhaps Santiago thinks I’m a spoiled princess who wants everyone’s sympathy, and tohave them at my beck and call, when the reality is that I just want to disappear into a hole. Ironic, isn’t it?

A chuckle leaves my lips at that thought. I never, in a million years, would have believed that I’d crave to be back in a hole in the ground, but here we fucking are. This is what my life has become. It seems like the safest solution for ninety-nine percent of my problems at the moment. If I’m genuinely fucking lucky, I’d die down there this time. I wonder if I can convince Santiago to push me back into that hole?

Santiago gives me a quizzical look. I’m sure I look utterly insane, chuckling to myself and disregarding his well-meaning concern. See, that’s part of the problem; he’s not a horrible person, even though he’s helped his boss keep me trapped in this jungle for months.

“Where is Diego?” At my words, the concern bleeds instantly from his face, and is replaced by a mask with no emotions. Ah, there it is, the limit to Santiago’s compassion and concern.

“He is dealing with business, which is none of your concern. If and when he chooses to see you, he will.” His tone’s coldness has me wrapping my arms around my waist. At my action, his face seems to soften, as if he realizes how harsh he’s being with me, and a bunch of words in Spanish leave his lips in a rapid tangent, most of which I’m certain are nothing but swear words.

He steps further into the room and closes the door firmly behind him, which instantly has me on alert. Since Paulo’s death, no one has been in a room alone with me with a closed door except Alisa. As if the mere thought of being alone with me could mean their death.It probably does. Have you met Diego fucking Cabano?

“Listen to me,chica, you need to leave this place, to get away from him.“ He comes closer until he’s a mere two feet from me, and I notice all the deep grooves on his face and the dark shadows under his eyes; he’s not sleeping any more than I am.

“I have known that man since he was three years old. He’s like a son to me, Isabella. I’ve seen him at his worst, but I’ve never seen him like this, not even when the cartels took his mother and sent her back in pieces, or when they captured, tortured, and scarred him for life.” A haunted look crosses his face at the memories that he speaks of.

“He’s sick,chica. You make him sick.“ He drags his hand down his face in agitation, even as his other fist clenches tighter to his hat.

“Loving you is destroying him from the inside out. Your love is nothing but a curse, and you are hurting him.Thisis hurting him,“ he motions around at the compound walls. “Because he is like a son to me, I will not allow you to continue to do this to him. Loving you is toxic and destructive. I will kill you before I allow you to take him to hell with you.”

“I… I love him, Santiago… I don’t want to hurt him.” Tears cascade down my face as sobs choke me. Fears races through me, not for my own life, but for Diego’s. What if Santiago is right, and I’m destroying Diego? What if loving me ends up costing him his life?It will, you already know that. Your grandmother will murder him, that is, if his men don’t turn on him first.

“I’m giving you one chance to live, Isabella, only one. I will help you escape, but you must not return to your family. You can never go back, or he will find you again.” He drops to his knees, his hat slipping from his fingers as he grasps my hand tightly.

“Promise me, Isabella, that you will not return to yourabuela. If you ever loved him, ever had any feelings for him, you will disappear and make sure he can never find you.”

Shock gallops through my body, bringing with it a sandstorm of emotions. I want to immediately rebuke his words and deny his request, but almost instantly, it is followed by a meager trickle of acceptance. What my heart wants to refuse, my mind knows as nothing but the truth. He’s right; together, Diego and Iare toxic and destructive. We will end up destroying each other, along with the world around us, and take everyone we love down with us. I can’t allow that to happen, not to the people I love, nor to him.

“Where… where would I go?” Uncertainty seeps from all of my pores. What he’s suggesting seems so radical; how can I just hide and live without my family? What he is demanding of me is akin to a death sentence. I’d be all alone in the world. Surely there has to be another way. My grandmother can keep me out of Diego’s clutches, can’t she?

The truth hits me like a battering ram, taking my breath with it and causing my chest to constrict painfully. He’ll never stop trying to get me back. Diego has already started a war with Stella Stratford, one that he had no way of ever winning, yet he was willing to risk it all to take me. How far would he go to get me back? How many will die in the process, and will he lose his life in the effort?It is the only way he will ever stop trying.

“I will make sure you get out of this jungle, but where you end up after that is not my concern, nor do I want to have those details. You, Isabella Stratford, are aplagueon everything you touch, and to have you gone will be a blessing.”

I’m overwhelmed by his crushing words, and my body begins to shake as the tears blind me. This man hates me; I can feel it radiating off him in waves, and blistering at my skin. Would he rather murder me if he could? One look into his dark eyes tells me he’s giving me mercy against his better judgment, that his first choice would be to provide me with death.

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