Page 39 of Sunrise Malice

“Are you into my husband all of a sudden?” I arch my eyebrows at her and ignore a little twinge of jealousy. I know she’s only kidding around, but still. “If you’re so into him, you can have him. Just wear that little bikini and he’ll forget all about me.”

“Doubt that,” she says with a smirk. “And no, I wouldn’t say I’m intohim, but more into his extremely luxurious apartment.”

“Glad to know where your morals are.”

“Nothing about morality here, my beautiful bestie, only a sense of self-preservation and a lover of fine comforts.”

I snort and raise my glass. “I can drink to that.” I throw back a big sip and she stares at me, her smile slipping slightly, and I curse myself inwardly.

Kim’s always so lighthearted and easygoing, at least when she’s not going crazy on an asshole for me. Sometimes I forget that I can’t joke about everything, especially not what happened withmy dad. I mean, I haven’t even told her the full story, but I can tell that she knows enough by now.

“I meant to say something, you know.” She glances out at the water, leaning back into her lounge chair.

“About what?” I don’t want to have this conversation right now. I want fun Kim, not brooding Kim, because fun Kim keeps my mind off my current problems.

Top of that list: my husband.

“We all knew,” she says, not really answering my question. “I mean, Cormac didn’t really try to hide it. He was a dick to you wherever, whenever, and didn’t seem to give a shit who saw. I knew, and I didn’t do anything.”

“Kim,” I say, shaking my head.

“No, wait, I don’t want you to start apologizing.” She gives me a hard look and takes off her sunglasses. “You always do that. You apologize because you don’t want to have the hard conversation.”

She’s definitely right about that. SayingI’m so sorry, it’s all my fault, I’ll do betteris a fantastic avoidance mechanism and works most of the time.

But it’s also how I feel. Iamsorry, and usually I think whatever it is really is all my fault.

Kim keeps talking before I can cut in. “I should’ve said something sooner. I didn’t know what was going on with your dad after Cormac died, but I should’ve seen it. All those long-sleeve shirts even when it was hot as fuck outside, the way you refused to let me come over anymore—” Her voice cracked. “If Julien hadn’t kicked the shit out of your father, I would have.”

I stare down at my hands, feeling very small. “Does everyone know now?”

“We put it together. After what Julien did to him. You know we live in a fucked world when it wasn’t even a surprise.”

“I never expected you to do anything about it. You have your own shit to deal with. Your mother?—”

“My mom’s a piece of work, but she doesn’t hit me.” Kim’s voice cracks again and she rubs her face. “Shit, I need to keep it together. This isn’t about me.”

We lapse into silence. I stare at the water, thinking about how hard I tried to hide what my dad was doing to me after Cormac died. Can Kim really blame herself for any of it? I sure as hell don’t blame her. I went out of my way to try to keep her from the truth.

“It’s over now,” I say after we stew in an uncomfortable silence. “I’ll deal with it. That’s the best I can do.”

“I’m here to listen, if you ever need someone.”

“I know that.” I reach out and take her hand in mine. God, now we’re both crying. “But hey, good news, I can probably afford a therapist now.”

She laughs and wipes her eyes. “You can probably afford an entire practice of therapists.”

“I’ll hire three. One for me, one for my therapist, and another for my therapist’s therapist, just so we’re all feeling good.”

“Make your new husband work. That’s the spirit.”

“Well, his bank account at least.”

I grin at her and she grins back, and I feel like I’m smiling to hold back all the self-loathing and anger I feel simmering on the inside. I don’t want Kim to feel bad for me, and I sure as hell don’t want her feeling bad that she somehow let me down.

She didn’t. My father is to blame and nobody else.

I don’t love that the Hayes family is talking about my abusive father, but at least now it’s out in the open and I don’t have to go through the awkwardness of telling people. I just hope Ronan doesn’t kill him, that’s all.

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