Page 51 of Fracture

I shake my head with a smile. “It’s OK. I want to feel your skin.”

He lies down with a weak smile, and he shuts off the light as I crawl in beside him. The night is quiet, and crawling in under his arm, smelling his skin and feeling him against me is like coming home. I sigh, putting my hand on his chest over his heart beat, and he trails his fingertips over the back of my hand.

“I was so scared you’d be married when I got out,” he says quietly. “I’d have been happy for you. I wanted you to be happy, I wanted you to find someone who’d treat you right, like you deserve. But I spent 10 years praying you’d wait for me.”

“I don’t think anyone would want to marry me,” I whisper, trying to sound light-hearted, but the pain edges my voice all the same.

“Anyone who puts a ring on your finger would be the luckiest person in the world.”

I bury my face into his chest, wishing I could somehow slip inside him and let him heal all the broken parts of me. “I waited for you. I did.”

He cradles my head against his chest, and kisses my hair. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry I left you that night.”

“Don’t talk about that now.”

He puts a hand around my jaw, forcing me to look up at him. “I should have stayed with you. I would do everything different now,guera. I’d stay with you, I’d hold you, til you stopped crying. I’d kiss you, make sure you were safe and then I’d deal with it properly. I’d be a man, not a stupid fucking little boy.”

“You did what you thought was right.” I wrap my fingers around his wrist, tears welling in my eyes.

“I lost 10 years with you because of what I did. I’ve made so many mistakes, Stella, so fucking many. But you were never one of them.” He pulls me close, his lips brushing against mine. “You’re the only thing that’s ever made sense.”

“You’re the only one who makes my head go quiet,” I tell him, leaning my forehead against his. “With you everything just stops, and it’s just… me.”

“Te amo, guera.” He kisses me again, harder this time, and I want to let go, I want to wrap myself around him and let him love me in all the ways he needs to. I want to wish myself back to that night, wish that we’d had that first time over, had it the way wedeserved to - tenderness and discovery, two young people who loved each other and wanted to find each other.

Instead, just like that night, one of us pulls back tearfully, wrapping their arms around the other and weeping. All the pain spreads over my skin like a bruise, and I hold Dylan as he cries, as he rages against the darkness that surrounds us both.

When he finally falls asleep, I watch his face, and I hate myself again. Because he hoped for me, and I have to let him go. I have to break his heart, I have to take everything from him. I could live a lie. I could. But I can’t do that to him.

I hold him all night, unable to sleep, listening to his heartbeat while it remains whole.

I’m broken. And all I do is break everyone around me.

The sun peeks through the curtains of the bedroom, and I look up at Dylan’s sleeping face.

I have to let him go. But not yet.

Not just yet.

I leave Dylan to sleep and throw on a t-shirt before I creep downstairs. My head’s throbbing and I feel seedy after staying awake all night. I rub my eyes, knowing I’m probably smudging mascara all over my face because I didn’t take my makeup off, but I can’t find it in myself to care.

A message from Lilly is waiting for me when I pick up my phone from where I left it the night before.

Your mom’s in town. She wants to see you.

I groan, and throw the phone back on the table. The last thing I need is to see my mother right now. As if shit wasn’t complicated enough. I scoop coffee into the machine and flip it on, hoping the scent is enough to jump-start my system.

I turn and shriek when I see Levi standing in the doorway.

“Jesus, you scared me.”

“Sorry.” He steps into the kitchen in nothing but boxers, running a hand through his messy blond hair. He eyes me thoughtfully, taking in the t-shirt and the smudged makeup. “Rough night?”

“Dylan’s a mess,” I reply, raking my fingers through my hair to try and look a little less disheveled. “He was really upset last night. Hates himself for not being there when his grandfather died.”

“We should have gone to the hospital.” Levi crosses the kitchen to lean on the island, rolling his neck with a groan. “Instead of-”

“Don’t.” I snap, fixing him with a glare. “I never want to talk about that again.”

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