Page 113 of Fracture

“Yeah, can’t say I blame you there, it’s all just crazy to me.” They gesture with an open hand to the tv, opening their mouth then letting their hand drop and shrugging. “I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe she’s saying Dylan killed Harold forher. I mean, how can anyone believe that baloney?”

“I guess people will believe anything that’s sensational enough.” I rake a hand through my hair, chewing my lip as I cast a glance to the back door. “Dylan doesn’t deserve this.”

“No, he sure as fuck doesn’t.” They rub their chin and sigh. “I mean, can she even say stuff like this? Isn’t this, like, defamation or something? Can’t he sue her?”

I can’t help but scoff bitterly, because of course those very words had been thrown at me by both Levi and Dylan since Dylan came tearing back into the driveway yesterday.

“No, there’s nothing Dylan can do,” I say with a shrug. “He can go on the record and deny it, but you can’t sue someone just for lying, not like this. She’s not causing any harm or defamation with her lies, so it wouldn’t hold up in court.”

Zee’s eyebrows rise so high I swear they’re going to disappear into their hair, before their face drops back into a scowl. “Idon’t even know why it shocks me that a white woman can say whatever she wants and get away with it. I mean…” They gesture vaguely around the room, and collapse into their chair with a huff. “Goddamn stupid bratty bitch.” They eye me apologetically. “Are you gonna be OK?”

I sigh, smoothing my hands over my bare thighs. “I don’t know. I just wish… I wish we could just run away from all of this. But I know that’s not an answer.”

“Hey, it could be.” Zee gives me a crooked smile, and laughs when I roll my eyes. “I’m serious. The three of you, pack up and move, why not?”

“And where exactly would we go?”

“I don’t know, Boston, New York?” Zee chuckles. “Come on, girl, there’s a whole world out there, you don’t need to stay here forever. In fact, you probably shouldn’t.”

I don’t know why Zee’s idea is hitting me like this, when I just had this same conversation with Levi. I gaze out the window, at the pretty, tree-lined street, and for the first time I don’t see the little dream I’d built for myself. I see the facades everyone in this town has built up around themselves to survive. To fit in. To make sure no one knows just what goes on behind closed doors.

“I don’t know if I could convince them to leave,” I say quietly, and suddenly I want to tell Zee everything. I want to confide in someone about Oswald, about the video he has of me. But I know they’d be worried, and for no other reason than that, they’d tell Dylan and Levi. I pull my knees up to my chest, and let my head drop, wrapping my arms around my legs. “Oh, my god. This is all a fucking mess.”

“Hey, hey, it’s alright.” Zee is at my side, kneeling on the ground beside me. “Girl, it’s going to be OK. I promise. This will all blow over, and then you can all move on.”

I lift my head and gaze at their hopeful face. “I’m tired of feeling this way.”

“Then we need to get you all some relief for a while.” They reach for their bag, and pull a silver cigarette case from the front pocket. “Here, you smoke these with your men, and all of you just take a load off.”

I snort lightly, taking the case from their hand. “I hope this is the good stuff.”

“Only the best for my girl.” Zee grins up at me, taking my hand and hugging it to their chest. “I love you. And I love Dylan. And Levi’s fine too, I guess.”

“Yeah, he’s alright,” I say with a giggle.

“I just want you all to be happy.” Zee rises to their knees and plants a kiss on my cheek. “Now, go out there, get naked in that hot tub, and enjoy the finest herb Sonoma county has to offer. Then let those men bang you into oblivion.”

I laugh out loud, and Zee smiles widely.

“There she is.” They get to their feet and plant another kiss on the top of my head. “Take it easy, call me if you need me.”

“Will do.”

I sit there, holding the cigarette case in my hands and watch as Zee gets up to leave, casting back a last smile and wave from the door, before heading out into the warm afternoon. I wait a few minutes, letting the thoughts careen around my head, wondering where Levi is and hating that I worry about it. If they ever find out about Oswald, I know bad things will happen. I don’t even want to know what would happen if they ever got a hold of those guys.

I focus on a knot in the wood floor, for too long, as I try to remember that night, which club I’d been in. But then the old familiar icy feeling runs down my back, and nausea sends bile up my throat. I don’t want to think about it. I hate that it’s even been brought back up.

They can never know. They can just never know about that.

I go to the kitchen and gulp down a glass of water before heading out onto the porch. Dylan is pacing the lawn, hands curled into half-fists as he stalks back and forth.

“You’re going to wear out my nice green grass if you keep doing that,” I call out, trying to be lighthearted.

Dylan stops, head still dropped, chest heaving. But he doesn’t move towards the porch.

“Papi,come up here.” I put the cigarette case down on the table, and shuffle my shorts down my legs. “Come and join me.” I pull the t-shirt off over my head, and then he lifts his eyes, taking in my naked body.

His eyes are dark, almost black, and his jaw is set as tight as a steel trap.

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