“That was me, that night.” His eyes wander over my face, his jaw ticking as though he’s fighting some internal battle with himself. “And every night since. I’d stand over your bed, and smell you, and think of all the things I’d do to you if you were mine.”
I raise a hand to reach out to him, but he jerks his head away from my touch, his eyes staying on my face.
“I need you to understand something about me,” he says in a low voice. “I want you, so badly it fucking terrifies me. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as I want you.”
I open my mouth to speak, to protest, to tell him that I want him to, but he seizes my chin.
“I want to fucking own you.” His eyes drop to my lips as his thumb sweeps across them. “I want to own every fucking inch of you. I want to kill every man who’s ever touched you before me. I want to fuck every trace of them out of you. Because I want you to bemine.”
My lip trembles under his touch, and his jaw sets. Self-loathing twists his face, his eyes filling with a sort of quiet yet furious defeat. He’s expecting me to be disgusted by him. He’s expecting me to shove him away, to run and tell him to never come near me again.
“And what if I want to be yours?”
It’s like we both stop breathing for a second. I lift my hands to his face, stroking the backs of my fingers down his cheeks. His eyes flicker for a moment, and he exhales heavily.
“I want you, Silas.” I cradle his face in my hands. “I knew the moment I got out of that lake. It wasn’t just whatever you drugged that blanket up with. It wasyou. I’ve wanted you ever since. You’re all I think about.”
“I’m not a good man, Juliet.”
“Was Matt a good man?” I shake my head. “You expect me to see nothing but a monster when I look at you. But I don’t. I know that you’ll never hurt me. You could have plenty of times. And you never did. I know you’ll never hurt me. I trust that.”
“I would never hurt you, angel.” His arms move around my waist. “I swear it. I’d kill anyone who hurt you.”
“I feel safe with you.” I wrap my arms around his neck, leaning my body into his.
“I killed Matt.”
The air rushes out of my lungs. I’d suspected. I’d wondered. It had all been too odd, too convenient. Now I understand the way he reacted when he’d held me in my hospital bed, guilt eating him up as he thought he’d driven me to do what I did. Not understanding that he was what was saving me.
He keeps his eyes on mine, watching me carefully.
“I killed him because of what he did to you.” His hands on my back don’t waver, still holding me to him. “He had to die. The way he talked about you, what he’d sacrificed you for… I couldn’t let that go unpunished.”
“The way he talked about me?”
His jaw feathers as he closes his eyes, seeming to take a steadying breath. When his eyes open again, they’re blazing crimson.
“I’m not a good man, and I’ll keep not being a good man if it means I can protect you.” One of his hands runs up my spine, until it rests at the base of my skull, cradling my head as he leans over me. “Do you know how hard it is, watching you and not being allowed to touch you? Not being allowed to take what I want from you?”
“I wish you could.” I pull him closer to me. “I’d let you do whatever you wanted to me.”
His eyes flare. “Is that right?”
“I know you’d make me feel good.”
“I’d make you feel so fucking good, angel.” His lips graze mine.
I close my eyes, feeling a rush as his hand flexes on my back. I almost moan at the touch, and I feel his lips turn up in a smile.
“Silas,” I murmur. “If you don’t kiss me now, I’m going to go crazy.”
His hand moves under my sweater, over my heated skin. “I like the idea of you going crazy. I bet you’d be a lot of fun crazy.” His grip on the back of my head becomes firmer as he holds me in place. His body still has me pinned against the bench, and I gasp as his hand cups my breast. “I want you crazy. I want you fucking unraveled at the seams for me.”
“Most guys tell me they’ll be gentle,” I say, sucking in a breath as he pinches my nipple hard.
“I’m not going to be gentle with you, angel.” He chuckles darkly against my ear. “Because I can feel you’re desperate to be destroyed.”
My pussy is flooded with heat at his words, and I buckle a little in his grasp. “Silas, please.”