Page 110 of Afflicted

“So come on the supply run with me tomorrow.”

I laugh, running a hand through my hair, and puffing out breaths through pursed lips. “Was that your plan? Make me come so I’ll agree to this genuinely stupid plan?”

“It was, in fact.” He inhales deeply through his nose. “You smell so good. If I don’t have you again soon, I’m going to go insane.”

I stroke my hand over his and sigh. “How is this going to go on? We can’t… I mean, we can’t be together.”

“Don’t think about that right now.”

“Silas-”

“No.” His jaw is tense, and he shakes his head. “Don’t. Don’t dwell on what can’t be and just focus on what we can have.”

“Even if it’s just stolen moments in a truck on a supply run?”

“Whatever I can have.” His tone is almost desperate, his eyes hardening as he gazes at me. “Whatever I have of you. I told you, if this is all I ever have, then it’s enough.”

“It isn’t for me.” The words slip out before I think about it, and my head drops. “Sorry. I just… I’m in my own head right now, I’ve never… I mean I’ve never had… I’ve never felt…” I don’t know what I want to say, but I know it’s bigger and heavier than anything I should say right now on a bed in a dorm, when he’s just made me come on his hand.

But then his fingers are notched under my chin, forcing my head up to look at him, meeting those red eyes. He searches my face, and shakes his head.

“I never thought I’d feel this way again. And I’m so fucking angry that this is how we met. That this is our story. But if the world had to go to hell for me to find you, then let it be damned. It was worth it.”

I inhale sharply. The warm, jagged feeling surrounding my heart right now drives tears into my eyes. “Do you mean…” I trail off because I don’t know if I can handle him saying those words to me. It would hurt in the most beautiful way. I never expected love to hurt in this way. Instead, I shake my head, brushing a quick, dangerous kiss to his lips. “I’ll come with you tomorrow.”

“Good.” He dips his head briefly to mine, our foreheads touching before he gets to his feet. “I’m sorry.”

I raise my eyebrows. “For?”

He hesitates, shifting on his feet. “I’ve never been good at… talking about it. How I feel. But I want you to know that last night… That was me showing you.” His eyes meet mine, and they’re flooded with love and tenderness. His mouth curves into a brief grin as he huffs out a laugh. “It sounds incredibly trite, but, you know, I mean that. I may not be good at saying it, but I’ll show you. Every day, in every way I can.”

I nod, because the emotions putting pressure on my lungs right now are too much. I just nod, and watch him leave the dorm. And all I can think about for the rest of the day, as the rain keeps falling and the vamps assess the storm damage, is that the next day Silas and I will be alone again, for hours.

CHAPTER29

SILAS

Convoluted.That’s the only word that comes to mind right now. It’s how I feel. It describes pretty accurately the situation I find myself in. It lays down every single fucked up thing about my life.Convoluted.

I keep trying to strong-arm my way through the thoughts that plague me, trying to find a way forward. But there is no way forward. How can there be?

I lie in bed, watching the light change as dawn breaks. I’m going to get an early start over to Savannah, to have as much time with my girl as possible. The thought hurts. It’s a tightening noose around my neck. I know that sooner or later, I’ll fuck up. I know that sooner or later, I’ll put a foot wrong. We’ll be discovered.

What that will mean, I still don’t know.

I surrender to thoughts I shouldn’t. Thoughts of a future we’ll never have. Being together, every day. Never needing to sneak around and say goodbye. I even imagine her pregnant, her belly round with my child. I never wanted children, and in a world like this it wouldn’t be right to have one. But the thought of Juliet’s swollen belly, knowing I put a baby in there,mybaby, another piece ofme…

Convoluted. I shove the blankets aside and get ready for the day. I’m determined to do exactly what I told her yesterday - focus on the now. Because I can never guarantee her anything else.

I find Juliet leaving the shower block, and usher her down the side of the buildings towards the trucks. She remains completely silent as I hide her in the backseat of the truck, as we go through the gate. The guard waves me through without a second glance, and I breathe a sigh of relief as the gate rolls shut in the rear view mirror.

There are trees down along the highway, and I maneuver carefully as we navigate our way from the compound. It’s still in sight when Juliet’s scent begins to fill the car, and I look in the backseat.

My heart nearly leaps straight out of my ribcage. She’s lying on the backseat completely naked, her legs open, her fingers swirling over her clit. Her eyes meet mine and she grins. “The road, babe.”

I tear my eyes away from her, and narrowly avoid hitting a tree that’s down on the road. I hiss out a curse, and Juliet laughs breathily before letting out a moan.

“You should be careful,” she says. “They can still see us from here.”

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