Page 17 of Deja Brew

My mind is blank. Or too full of racing thoughts to pick one and create a sentence to answer her. I don’t know what she wants from me. Lily speaking to me again was something I hadn’t imagined, let alone talking to me while I follow her to work. But here she is, standing in front of me, asking questions.

“Why? Why are you still following me?” she asks, voice breaking, and I have to stop myself from gathering her in my arms and begging for her. Begging for her forgiveness and her love. “You don’t deliver to me anymore. I haven’t seen you except through the window in days, but you still follow me. Why? I don’t understand it. I know it’s you. It’s been you all along. You may as well walk with me.”

She stands in front of me, hands balled into fists, but I can’t find the right words to respond. There’s too much to say. She scoffs into the silence, the sound jarring in the oppressive dark. “Nothing to say? No defence for anything, for?—”

“It’s because I love you!” The words I’ve meant for months burst out of me and I can’t stop them. Can’t find a way to hide them.

My chest heaves as I stand in front of her. Numb. From the cold or the way she stares at me blankly. Finally found something to say, but it might have been the wrong thing.

She frowns and her eyes roam over me. “What?—”

I can’t stop myself from interrupting and explaining. To give her the reason, I did it all. Even if she doesn’t want to hear it. Or feel the same way. “I did everything because I love you. BecauseI want you to be safe. Because no one else seems to care about how ridiculous it is you walk to work at four in the morning in the fucking dark.” I spit the words at her, the anger at her friend’s lack of care colouring them. “I will not stop. You’ll need to get a restraining order. I won’t stop until I know you’re safe.” So much for breaking habits.

“You—you love me? Since when?” She stumbles back a step, away from me, and my world shatters.

Her reaction tells me everything I need to know, her complete shock at my words, and I know.

I’ve got nothing left to lose. May as well fuck it up more and tell her everything. “Do you remember the day you forgot your coat and walked to work in the cold? I left my hoodie behind so you’d have something to wear on the walk home.”

“You left it deliberately?”

My eyes trace her face and focus on her puzzled expression, her downturned lips, the lines around her eyes from frowning. “When I saw you the next morning wearing it, I knew. It creeped up on me. I didn’t realise what it was. Why I craved seeing you. Why I craved painting you. Why Ineededto make sure you were safe. I knew it was you and I knew my chances of getting you were next to nothing.” My voice goes tight. “So I painted you to get asliverof you into my home. To be near you, even if it was in my imagination.”

She swallows hard and shakes her head. “Stalking someone isn’t good. Even if it’s for safety. And having a room full of paintings of them is worse.”

“I know. I know, Lily.” My hand pushes through my hair, pulling on the strands, and the fight goes out of me. I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve. Telling her all that. I knew what the answer would be. “Just go inside, lock the door, and I’ll leave. Could you at least walk to work with Gemma?”

“It’s a good thing it makes me feel safe,” she whispers.

“Don’t fight—what?” I cut off and stare at her. My hands begin to shake and I’m incapable of moving, of getting closer to her and brushing away the hair stuck to her lip gloss. “What did you say?”

She sniffs and crosses her arms. “You make me feel safe.”

“What?” It’s difficult to swallow. My throat’s tight but I manage to croak out, “I don’t understand.” She can’t mean what I hope she means. What I’ve dreamed of.

“Leo, I—” She cuts off with a growl and shakes her head aggressively. “I know someone’s been following me for months. Ella told me to call the police, but I didn’t because he made me feel safe.” She rolls her eyes. “I know it’s stupid walking in the dark, but I like doing it. I like the quiet and the stars. Doesn’t mean I feel safe doing it. But he made me feel safe.Youmade me feel safe. That was before I even knew it was you.”

What is she saying? All I can do is stare at her. Watch her gesture and listen to her over the rush of blood in my ears.

“The art threw me off. Seeing a room filled with your own face is confronting, and I had no idea you knew what my cat looked like.” She narrows her eyes at me and I wince. “But the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was adorable, in a slightly deranged and creepy way.”

I chuckle. She’s not wrong. I know it’s insane, but it hasn’t stopped me from doing it. Did she call it adorable? She did. Yes, with some less flattering words, but adorable’s pretty good.

I shuffle forward a step and clear my throat. “What are you saying?”

A determined look crosses her face, and she marches up to me until our chests almost brush. “I’m saying I don’t care about the paintings. Or the stalking. I care about you. I have since you started delivering to my store, placing boxes down carefully instead of chucking it on the concrete and leaving like the last guy did. I love that you make sure I get to work safely and careabout my favourite drink. Leo, I—” She cuts off and bites her lip. “Fuck it.”

Her hands land on my shoulders, and she pulls me down to press her lips against mine. Tingles spread down my spine as she kisses me. Once, twice, a third time, but I’m too shocked to respond. My arms hang limp beside me while I relish the taste of her, her cinnamon scent surrounding me. I can’t believe she’s kissing me. After everything that’s happened. She’s kissing me and clutching my shoulders, and sucking on my bottom lip. It’s different from our first kiss. More gentle and tentative with a tinge of worry, while our first was full of heat and frantic energy.

She pulls away, and her hands drop from my shoulders. “I’m sorry?—”

I follow her and bend to reach her better, smashing our lips together and darting my tongue out to taste her. Groaning into her warmth, I wrap an arm around her waist and stand upright, causing her legs to dangle above the path. She gasps and wraps her legs around my hips, clutching me close. My arm goes under her ass to support her and I break away from her mouth to kiss down her neck. I can’t reach much more than that. Her coat covers her and she’s wearing a high-neck shirt, so I shift focus and trail kisses behind her ear and suck lightly. She groans and writhes against me.

Spinning us, I press her against the side of her shop to hold her more easily and concentrate on making her gasp again. The breathy sound does things to me. Things that tighten my pants and make me want to grind her into the wall.

She pulls my head away from her neck and nips at my lip before soothing it with her tongue. My mouth drops open in a groan and she takes the opportunity to tangle her tongue with mine and suck gently. I grind against her. What this woman does to me.

I break away to catch my breath and see her flushed cheeks and glazed eyes staring at me. She grins at me, and I press a kiss on her nose.

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