Page 44 of Stolen Dreams

“And for dinner,” she adds.

With three words, every joint in my body stiffens. Because this isn’t just a courtesy dinner with a brilliant doctor visitingStone Bay. This is my mother’s way of trying to set me up with someone. Not an ounce of malice in her tone, I know her heart is in the right place. She sees this dinner as an opportunity for an extraordinary future.

But I’ve told her time and again why I’m not interested or serious about romantic relationships right now. I’ve worked hard to get where I am with my career. Serious romantic commitments are a distraction. A risk I’m not willing to take.

Then, an image of Ray next to me at the table in class earlier filters in. His proximity. His spicy, sweet scent with a hint of lavender. My agreeing to dinner with him.

Suddenly, the room is too hot, too small. Wildfire dances over my chest, up my neck, and sears my cheeks. My clothes cling to me as perspiration dampens my skin. Wringing the napkin in my lap, I draw in a deep breath. And as I relax my fingers, I remind myself Mom only has my best interest at heart.

“I’d love to attend the seminar. It’ll undoubtedly help with how I move forward with my students.” My eyes lose focus for a beat, then sharpen as I meet Mom’s hopeful stare with a sympathetic smile. “But I’m not interested in a dinner date.”

Dad’s expression darkens as he looks from me to Mom, an invisible strain heavy in the air. The muscles in his jaw tic once, twice, three times before he takes a deep breath. Giving Mom’s hand a noticeable squeeze, the shadows in his eyes fade. Another steadying inhale, he meets my gaze.

“Your mother and I fought against being set up, too. She was home between her sophomore and junior years of college. I was preparing to attend the same college in the fall. And our parents thought it’d be a good idea for us to have afriendfrom home.”

He chuckles as he arches a brow and smirks at his parents a few seats down from him.

“We made excuses most of the summer to avoid an arranged date. Then our parents got sneaky. A few weeks before schoolresumed session, your grandparents said they wanted to take me out for a special dinner before college. I agreed. Little did I know the meal would be hosted in this exact room.”

A slow sweep of his thumb over Mom’s hand, my parents share a silent conversation for a breath.

“We refused a date for months, but the moment we were in the room together, I never wanted anyone else.”

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard how my parents got together. It’s far from romantic, but I love how they clicked so easily. Once they set aside their irritation and spoke with each other, everything fell into place.

My grandmother speaks up next, sharing a similar story of how she and my grandfather came to be. Their love story has rougher edges. Grandmother says Grandfather was quite self-centered. A ladies’ man with a pompous demeanor.

We all laugh at this.

Grandmother refused to take him as a husband for years. Made excuses and pushed back at every opportunity. Until Grandfather set aside his haughty behavior, she did not give him the time of day. And then, one day, he came to her home with a gift for her parents and an attractive, mature temperament.

That is when she fell in love with him.

But those were different times. The mid-1970s and 1990s may not be long ago, but so much has changed between each generation. Women no longerneeda man to thrive or have access to things former generations were not allowed to have.

Women’s independence is applauded more each day, given a place in the world. Of course, there will always be people who try to stamp out our light—those people will never go away. It’s what we do when they come at us that defines what happens next.

I want to live life on my terms. Yes, I will continue to learn about my culture and where I come from. Yes, I will share thosepieces of myself, so my story lives on. But I will not be defined by the past. My future is mine, and I want to write it.

“An arranged relationship can become one of love,” Mom says, interrupting my reverie.

Part of me wants to tell my parents I agreed to a date with Ray Calhoun. That I’m thrilled to spend time with him. Learn more about the man behind the videos and his alter ego as a father. We may not have sorted out the details, but it’s in place. And accepting a date with anyone else feels… wrong.

Another part of me wants to ask why they don’t put as much energy into finding love matches for my brothers. Ask why they aren’t hounding them more to marry by a certain age. Yes, they’re younger, but not by much. And let’s not forget, my parents have sought a suitor for me since my teens but left my brothers to their own devices.

I’d love to tell Mom and Dad how much I like Ray—more than I have anyone in some time—but the sudden, dull pang in my side has me biting my tongue. The faint voice in my head says my family wouldn’t approve of him. Not because he isn’t a good man. And not because he wouldn’t be able to provide for me.

Sakari and Tikaani Imala have a vision for my future. A mental picture of me with a man that looks nothing like Ray. A man with a specific career and ambitious life goals.

Their fantasy isn’t bad. It’s just not what I want.

Maybe I should fight back as Grandmother did. Stand strong, put my foot down, and tell them whatIwant. Whether it’s independence or a relationship with someone of my choosing, it’s time I use my voice.

Squaring my shoulders, I lift my chin and hold Mom’s gaze. “I know,Anaana. But I want more than a relationship that eventually turns into love.”

I want a love I can’t breathe without.

A love I’d die without.

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