Page 36 of Fallen Stars

Brow cocked and lips slightly puckered, his blue eyes bore into my soul. My eyes dart between his before dropping to his lips for one, two, three erratic heartbeats. I swallow as my gazereturns to his. A desperate, feral need to taste his lips and tongue again simmers in my veins and makes my groin swell.

“Big day tomorrow,” he says as his tongue darts out and licks his lips. “Makes sense to practice.”

His words hit my ears, but they’re indiscernible white noise. Because all I can think about is his mouth on mine again.

Fucking hell. Get your shit together.

Needing a distraction, I grab a satay skewer from the box and give my mouth something else to focus on. Conversation about the festival sparks, and Hailey becomes highly animated as she speaks. And for a half hour, the four of us munch on takeout and chat like we do any other day.

“We’re going to head out,” Trip says as he balls up a napkin and tosses it in the bag. “Thanks for the late lunch, man.”

“It’s no problem. Can’t wait to see you all on stage tomorrow.” Levi closes up the boxes with food in them. “Want the leftovers?” He pushes a few boxes toward Trip and Hailey.

Trip looks to me and I shrug. He gives his own shrug in return. Then he grabs the boxes from the table. “Thanks, Levi.” He lifts a hand and flashes two fingers. “Deuces. We’ll be here bright and early to pack up.”

“Later.” I give them a half-hearted wave.

A foreign silence echoes around us once Hailey and Trip exit the garage. Once Levi and I are truly alone for the first time in several days. I’m still not feeling like myself, but also not uncomfortable. Nervous, perhaps?

Considering I never anticipated Levi reciprocating my feelings, I’m just… out of sorts.

He walked in here almost an hour ago as though nothing happened. As if we are still the same Oliver and Levi we were a week ago, a month ago, a year ago. But it’s impossible to be the same. After that kiss, we will never be the same. How can we be?

Does he regret the kiss? Is him coming here today, sticking with his same routine during band practice, because he wants things to go back to the way they were?

God, I hope not.

Now that I’ve tasted him, now that I know what his weight feels like against me, I want nothing less. I refuse to settle for anything less.

“Hey.” He bumps my knee with his.

I take a slow, deep breath before I lift my gaze to meet his. “Hey.”

He gives a quick tip of his head toward the main garage door. “Let’s go for a drive.”

What little I ate churns in my stomach.

This is it. This is the end of our friendship.

I swallow and shove the dreadful thought to the back of my mind.

Uncertainty pulses through my veins as I nod. “Sure.”

I collect the trash and deposit it in the garbage as we leave. Levi unlocks his fast as fuck Ferrari Spider and slips into the driver’s seat with ease. Seat belts buckled, he reverses out of the driveway and weaves through the neighborhood at a painfully slow pace.

As we pass the Northcott farm stand, I expect him to turn left and drive into town. But he continues north, driving through more neighborhoods at a moderate speed. At the end of the street, he makes a left and then veers us onto Aarluk Bypass.

The houses disappear and tall evergreens take their place. Sun filters through the trees as he picks up speed on the windy road. Soon, we merge onto Bloodstone Blvd, then turn right onto Granite. Mashing a button on the steering wheel, he cranks his electronic music playlist all the way up as the car goes from thirty-five to eighty in a matter of seconds.

We fly down the highway, the adult store on the northern outskirts of town a blur as we pass. His tires eat up the miles as we drive away from Stone Bay and through national forest lands. Indistinct stripes of green and brown whiz by, and I try not to focus on any one thing as Levi drives faster.

Over the years, I’ve learned to not study anything outside the car when Levi pushes the car past eighty. I end up dizzy and borderline nauseous. When we take these rides, I sit back and let go. Allow myself to get lost in the blur. On these drives, I used to dream about all the what-ifs—the scenarios that’d follow if we took the next step.

Now that he’s kissed me, and we haven’t talked about where we go from here, my what-ifs have taken on a life of their own.

What if I royally fucked up our friendship? What if we’re unable to go back to the way we were? What if I lose him?

Then it dawns on me that I’ve been the quiet one for days. I’ve been the one avoiding the subject. I am the one that has put us in limbo.

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