Page 121 of Fallen Stars

“Have you spent more time with other people?” She flips through her notes and reads an entry from a previous session. “A couple weeks ago, you mentioned a cookout with friends.”

The day flashes in my mind.

A little more than a week after we visited the island off the coast, Skylar and Lawrence hosted a gathering at their house. It was the same group that’d been on the boat, the same people Oliver has been friends with for a while.

So, I said yes to the invitation.

The day had its ups and downs.

“Overall, it was a nice time.” I take a deep breath and count to ten. “But after a few hours, I became restless. I wanted to leave but didn’t want to force Ollie to go.” I smile. “He was having a good time.”

“But you weren’t anymore?”

I shake my head. “Out of nowhere, it went from casual and comfortable to overwhelming.”

“What happened next?”

My heart races beneath my sternum as my tipping point resurfaces. “I don’t know exactly how it happened, but one of the guys snuck up on one of the ladies. It was meant to be funny.” My brows scrunch together. “She screamed so loud.” I close my eyes as my stomach twists in knots. “I fell off my chair and curled in on myself on the ground.”

Dr. Hampton writes on the paper. “What ran through your mind in that moment?”

“Flashbacks of the screams I’d hear over the music before a guard came to my cell.”

“How long did the flashback last?”

I uncross my legs and my knee immediately bounces. “Felt like hours but Ollie says it was less than a minute.”

“Did any specific word or action bring you back to the present?”

My foot settles on the floor and my knee stops as I nod. “Oliver.” I audibly exhale as my pulse settles. “Well, more like his arms around me mixed with the scent of his cologne.”

She adds more to the pad. “Often, it’s easier to figure out what will trigger past trauma. Similar sounds, places, smells, circumstances or sights. But many don’t consider the ways to diminish or eliminate a trigger. Obviously, we won’t know what will activate those memories until it happens. That’s the unfortunate part. But we can work on how to come back to the present when they do happen.”

“How?”

“You said it was Oliver’s hold and scent that helped.”

I nod.

“Oliver is one of your pillars. He provides you with comfort, strength, freedom, courage, security, and love—all things that were taken from you during your abduction. His embrace and smell are pleasurable to you. A happy trigger, if you will. They remind you that you’re home, safe, and with him. Does that make sense?”

I never looked at it from that angle. “Yes.”

“An exercise I’d like you to practice over the next couple of weeks is learning other happy triggers. Not just with Oliver, but anyone you spend considerable time with. This way, you have more than one person to help bring you back to the present. Also, many people use an object to ground them when triggers occur. A touchstone. It can be any object—a stone, coin, jewelry, etcetera. Find something you can always keep on you.”

I nod.

“Last appointment, you mentioned your relationship with Oliver was good but that you missed how it was prior to your abduction. Has there been any change?”

My knee starts to bounce again. “Still good. Pretty much the same.” I clutch the underside of my thighs. “I want us to get a place of our own but haven’t told him.”

“What holds you back from asking?”

Fear of rejection. Him thinking it’s silly or too soon. Me not getting better and it causing a rift between us.

The fact that I can’t fucking tell him I love him.

“I’m worried he won’t want to and it’ll be the start of the end.”

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