Page 24 of Fallen Stars

I bolt up from the couch with the need to move and plunge my fingers into my hair. My Vans clap the concrete of the garage floor as I pace the length of the stage. Over and over and over, I shake my head.

“Dinners and movies are what I mean.”

I fist my hair and tug.

Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask.

“Time with her and…” I bite my tongue and force myself to not addkissing and sex. “And less with me. I get it.” I stop and stare at Mama’s car. “Need to keep up appearances.”

The couch creaks behind me, and then Ifeelhim at my back. His heat, his energy,him. His clean, cedar scent fills my nose, and internally I weep.

Why is life so fucking unfair? Why did I pick someone impossible to love?

“This changes nothing,” he whispers inches from my ear.

God, he is so close.

“I promise.”

“How?” I barely recognize my own voice.

“We talked logistics. We set rules in place for each other. Limits.”

I scoff. “And when your parents expect more?” I drop my chin to my chest and inhale deeply. “You know what? Forget I asked.” Spinning around, I hold his heady blue eyes with mine. “It doesn’t matter.” I swallow. “We’re just friends.” The last three words rub my throat raw.

Nimble fingers wrap around my forearm. “Ollie, don’t be mad. I can’t…”

Against every instinct in my soul, I take a step back. Then another. “I think you should go.”

His eyes glaze over as hurt swallows his expression. “It’s not real.” He shakes his head. “Please understand.”

Neither of us has once confessed we are anything other than friends. More recently, there have been questionable moments between us—like the one in his kitchen less than a week ago. Nothing more, though.

In this moment, while Levi begs me to see his side of the situation, my hopeful heart wonders if he does feel more for me than friendship. I don’t want to let go of the possibility. But it would literally break me if I made a move and he rejected me.

With an imperceptible nod, I cross my arms over my chest and close myself off. “I’ll try,” I promise. “Just… give me time.”

He takes a step back, and my heart splinters. “Whatever you need.”Step.“You know where to find me.”Step.“Anytime, no matter what.”

And then he turns away from me, crosses to the door, and leaves.

Fingers curled into painful fists, I storm forward and kick one of the open pizza boxes across the garage.

May 10th

Today was shit. I hate every damn thing about today. Well, not everything. Okay, maybe 99.9% of everything.

For a split second, he felt like more today. And I don’t mean my one-sided feelings. I’m talking about him.

It hurt him to tell me about the charade he and her are putting on for their parents. He says it’s not real. I want to believe him. But I just can’t. Something about it doesn’t sit right. Maybe because I don’t know what it’s like to have parents that constantly force you on dates you don’t want. Especially since they’re both grown-ass adults. It seems bizarre.

What does her boyfriend think? If he’s not mad, he must not love her. Not like I love him.

I hate that I told him I need time. The last thing I want is time away from him. This whole thing is fucked up.

He touched me tonight.Not like a friend. I don’t know what the fuck it means. And I can’t ask him. Because I told him I need space and time.

This is fucked!!!

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